Understanding Engineers - Take One


    Two engineering students crossing the campus when
one said, "Where
did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer
replied, "Well, I
was walking along yesterday minding my own business
when a beautiful
woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the
ground, took off
all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." "The
second engineer
nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably
wouldn't have fit."



    Understanding Engineers - Take Two

    To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the
pessimist, the glass
is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as
big as it needs to
be.



    Understanding Engineers - Take Three

    A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one
morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer
fumed, "What's with
these guys?  We must have been waiting for 15
minutes!" The doctor
chimed in,  "I  don't know, but I've never seen such
ineptitude!" The
pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's
have a word with him."
"Hi George! Say, what's with that group ahead of us?
They're rather slow, aren't
they?" The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a
group of blind firefighters.
They  lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a
fire last year, so we
always  let them play for free anytime." The group was
silent for a
moment. The pastor said,"That's so sad. I think I will
say a special
prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea.
And I'm going to contact my
ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he
can do for them."
The  engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at
night?"



    Understanding Engineers - Take Four

    What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers
and Civil
Engineers?
    Mechanical Engineers build weapons and Civil
Engineers build targets.



    Understanding Engineers - Take Five

    The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does
it work?" The
graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it
work?" The graduate with
an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an
Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"



    Understanding Engineers - Take Six

    Three engineering students were gathered together
discussing the
possible designers of the human body. One said, "It
was a mechanical engineer."
Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it
was an electrical
engineer.    The nervous system has many thousands of
electrical connections. "
The last one said, "Actually it was a civil engineer.
Who else would run
a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"




    


    Understanding Engineers - Take Seven

    An architect, an artist and an engineer were
discussing whether it
was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.
The architect said
he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid
foundation for an
enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time
with his
mistress, because the passion and mystery he found
there. The engineer
said, "I like both." Both?"
    "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will
each assume you
are spending time with the other woman, and you can go
to the lab and get
some work done."



    Understanding Engineers - Take Eight

    An engineer was crossing a road one-day when a frog
called out to him
and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful
princess." He bent
over,  picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up
again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into
a beautiful
princess, I will stay with you for one week." The
engineer took the frog
out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the
pocket. The frog
then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into
a princess, I'll
stay with you and do ANYTHING
you want." Again the engineer took the frog out,
smiled at it and put it
back into his pocket.
    Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've
told you I'm a
beautiful princess, and that I'll stay with you for a
week and do
anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
    The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't
have time for a
girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."