Waross,
I dont anticipate your needing my help anytime soon! I'm certain I haven't got anything to enlighten you with, but was trying instead to fill in the blanks in the discussion topic.
I think we're coming at this from different angles, with different working defitnitions of real power control. I was a plant operator in the Navy and we had basically the same systems you're describing. Governors and Voltage regulators with a droop aspect to their control.
In your example the only way to vary kw load-sharing between the two gens is for the operator to adjust their governor speed settings. That means that the operators are performing the function of "real power controllers" by the definition I was using.
I am actually pretty surprised to hear you say that gens were left with nothing but droop control and operated in parallel for years without operator adjustment. I know that we would see imablances on the order of 10% develop between identical paralleled machines within about a day or so. I always chalked this up to slight differences in the percentage droop characteristics of the governor.
We're agreed that two similar machines can roughly share a varying load for a while if their droop and speed setting are the same. Let's remember, for the purposes of the discussion started in the OP, that they do this by varying system frequency. If the machines had a 5% droop, then no load system freq would be 5% higher than full load system frequency. Since the OP asked about paralleling to a grid, I'm assuming a sufficiently large grid that the frequency can't be changed by the machine in question. That means that the un-checked action of a droop circuit will either drive the machine to over-load or reverse power very quickly if left in parallel. The grid will give or take MWs many times the machine rating without changing frequency, so the droop governor can't share with it.
If mbous has well trained operators and direct reference control to a drooping governor, he can parallel with the utility, transfer load quickly, and then breaker parallel. This is the procedure used in the Navy. If he has a real and reactive power control (load sharing panel), he can remain in parallel indefinitely.