WARose said:
I've tried to change my role as well.
It hurt my heart a little to hear this. In part, because I hear strong echos of my own frustrations in your comments. In all my travels, I've never met anyone in person who appeared to be as into structural engineering as I am. And I think that much of that passion manifests itself here on the forum. I sometimes wonder if that creates the false impression that I've got things figured out to any greater extent than anyone else.
That KootK! He must have it all figured out. He must spend his days designing skyscraper outriggers and rolling around in gold doubloons!. I'm sure that nobody
actually thinks that but you get the idea.
The truth is that I've also made active attempts to change my role:
1) I was offered a PM job with the city engineering department. About the same money, 32 hrs per week of soft labor, and a defined benefit PENSION! Naturally, I said no to that nonsense. Imagine all that relaxing time that I'd have to spend with my family? Oh, the
horror.
2) I was offered a PM job with a building envelope firm. No pension but way better fees and way better hours. I do work with these guys as a sub and they are literally able to charge 2X what I charge them for my own work. And it doesn't raise an eyebrow with their clients. Somehow, they're better at selling my structural service than I am. But envelope isn't
cool like structural is... so I persist.
In a way, having had these opportunities and turned them down has made things worse. Now I'm an active participant in my own suffering rather than just a passive victim. Self flagellation. I look back fondly upon the days when I was just a passive victim.
I don't hate competition.
I don't hate poor folks in developing countries.
I don't hate more lucrative professions.
What I hate is that my relationship with structural engineering is such that I give it everything that I've got and what little I get back in return always feels woefully out of proportion. It's like having a terrible girlfriend. I'm a lowly 5.0 and she's a sexy 9.5. Decades in, she still wants to see other people and only comes over late at night when she's drunk and looking to score. In the morning I wake up feeling foolish for not having the balls to just walk away and for continuing to throw good metaphorical money after bad.
In short, know that I absolutely share in your frustrations.