MIStruct IRE said:
That, in conjunction with engineer’s anxiety and sleepless nights sweating over calculations
For me I've never come across this. This is what quality control, checking and oversight is there for. No one person should ever be in a position to be wholly responsible for something that would ever cause a failure that would imperil anyone.
Anything grossly wrong will get picked up and for the rest, it's often addressed in construction or in fact shows how over designed most of what we do is.
But everyone's different and if this is causing you issues now, it is unlikely after what 15 years?, then it might not go away and in fact get worse as you gradually become more and more senior and responsible for picking up everyone else's mistakes.
So what to do? No one here can really tell you other than have a good look around, remind yourself that the grass in general isn't any greener in any other field, it's just different grass. Retraining at 40 with two small kids isn't easy, and it doesn't sound like you have some burning desire to be a Gard or a fireman or something, so like others have said is construction your game ( often a long way away, loads of time pressures and everyone wanting a high quality, cheap and fast project) or a job in the council or the planning authority ( lower wages, often poor promotion opportunities) checking or commenting on designs.
What type of structural engineering really do you like doing?
And after all that you might decide that actually you have it pretty good now - you just need to work out ways to stop worrying about details and calculations that are not your responsibility once someone else has reviewed and signed them off.
Remember - More details = better answers
Also: If you get a response it's polite to respond to it.