Say No-polite refusal

[hello125]

Hi,

I have a question - how do I politely indicate to my co-worker that I do not want to be extremely friendly with him?
I am professional and social person, but I prefer to be a little less friendly when it gets to colleagues.

Any suggestions will be highly appreciated.

Cheers!

 

[DaveVikingPE]

Just how friendly are we talking?

Keep this in mind: the toes you step on now might be long to the a$$ you have to kiss tomorrow.

 

[MadMango]

Just remain polite and professional. When your colleague starts to rant about non-work related topics, excuss yourself or tell them you have work to do. If all else fails, tell him point-blank that he's not your type and you don't date people you work with.

[green]"Art without engineering is dreaming; Engineering without art is calculating."[/green]
Steven K. Roberts, Technomad
Have you read faq731-376 to make the best use of Eng-Tips Forums?

 

[epoisses]

If someone is not your type, the old strategy developed at kindergarden is still valid: just stay friendly but don't play with them.

However, I have never understood people who say, in general, that they don't people they work with. What is so special about the fact that somebody has a job within the same company that would prevent you from becoming friends?

 

[PSE]

Like several of the other postings, I would recommend continuing to be polite and professional. A certain level of detachment helps in keeping "disruptions" to a minimum. You are for all essential purposes, in a public forum. If this co-worker is hinting at a romantic relationship, your company may have direct policies regarding "dating" in the workplace. HR may be able to provide further information if needed. For example, at my employer, couples cannot be within the same department (have the same boss), nor can one be the supervisor or manager of the other.

To me you are using sound judgement. Follow your instincts.

Regards,

 

[Ashereng]

Be professional and civil at work.

Refuse directly the other stuff you do not welcome. State it directly, do not "beat around the bush".

Hopefully, he will get the message. If not, you will need to involve HR.

"Do not worry about your problems with mathematics, I assure you mine are far greater."
Albert Einstein
Have you read FAQ731-376 to make the best use of Eng-Tips Forums?

 

[CorBlimeyLimey]

hello125 ... everyone has assumed that you are a female ... are you? The answers you receive here will probably be quite different if you are a male. And they will be different again if you or your colleague are a homosexual male.


Helpful SW websites FAQ559-520
How to get answers to your SW questions FAQ559-1091

 

[Ashereng]

You are right. I did make that assumption. My bad.

My advise will work in any situation. Answer directly, and state it clearly. If it doesn't work, escalate it to HR.

"Do not worry about your problems with mathematics, I assure you mine are far greater."
Albert Einstein
Have you read FAQ731-376 to make the best use of Eng-Tips Forums?

 

[MadMango]

"not your type" and not dating co-workers can be applied regardless of sexual orientation.

I don't see any answers here that wouldn't work.
1) State the obvious
2) Contact HR

[green]"Art without engineering is dreaming; Engineering without art is calculating."[/green]
Steven K. Roberts, Technomad
Have you read faq731-376 to make the best use of Eng-Tips Forums?

 

[epoisses]

Wow... can HR forbid people to date? Or oblige people to make their relationship public so they can be put in different departments?
Dilbert was an optimist.

 

[Ashereng]

epoisses,

Yes they can. And, some companies do have policies preventing dating between employees.

They can't oblige people to make their relationship public, but if discovered, the parties involved may be fired for violation of company policy and/or lying.

"Do not worry about your problems with mathematics, I assure you mine are far greater."
Albert Einstein
Have you read FAQ731-376 to make the best use of Eng-Tips Forums?

 

[ziggi]

Wow, there's places that actually do that?
Next they'll be mandating what you eat and when you can hit the john.

I'm not sure if by "extremely friendly", hello125 is refering to hanging out and watching the game on weekends or becoming involved in a relationship. He/she didn't really flesh out the details too much.

As for workplace romances, yes I agree that they could become detrimental, if the company/dept. is small and the relationship gets ugly. However I'm of the opinion that family/lovelife cannot be determined by your employer, your employer pays you to 'engineer', your contract of employment does not cover your personal life. And while your employer may see a workplace relationship as being detrimental, it is up to you, the employee, to be professional and to not allow the consequences of a bad relationship to ruin your working relationship.

Basically I'm saying that if YOU want to be "extremely friendly" with the person in question, don't let those tools in HR stop you, however if he/she cheats on you with another woman/man, you'd better be able to ignore/turn off any anger/homicidal tendencies you may have towards the person, come work time.

 

[Ashereng]

Next they'll be mandating what you eat and when you can hit the john.

Yes, they do that too.

All employees can opt to have a health and fitness evaluation done. If you decline, your are automatically put on the "standard" benefits plan.

If you take the evaluation, and are in the "healthy" zone, you get a discount on the employee contribution portion of the plan.

If you are not in the "healthy" zone, they will work with you to "improve" your lifestyle choices. If you eventually get into the "healthy" zone, you get the discount. If you don't, you stay in the "standard" plan.

"Do not worry about your problems with mathematics, I assure you mine are far greater."
Albert Einstein
Have you read FAQ731-376 to make the best use of Eng-Tips Forums?

 

[ziggi]

Ashereng you've just discovered the key to North America's health problems; you can't force people to improve their health, but you can bribe them to do so ;-) .

 

[epoisses]

That health evaluation vs benefits plan would be totally unacceptable from European point of view. And undesirable even, because with the state pension system in place, it is much better for the economy if everyone dies at the day they retire.

 

[MedicineEng]

My company makes regular blood tests where they can make analysis to drugs, AIDS and any other type of infeccious diseases. Furthermore, there are random alcool tests done. If you are caught above the legal limit, you are sent home and a disciplinary process is opened.

And this in a European company.

 

[epoisses]

Well I guess that a drunken or stoned engineer would definitely be unacceptable, but a fat engineer....?

 

[ivymike]

What's the legal limit in that case? The limit for driving an automobile? Do you know what the actual figure is? (0.1% blood alcohol?)

 

[Ashereng]

Most companies that have alcohol policy usually go with a "zero tolerance" level, ie 0%.

"Do not worry about your problems with mathematics, I assure you mine are far greater."
Albert Einstein
Have you read FAQ731-376 to make the best use of Eng-Tips Forums?

 

[ziggi]

Well I can think of a few people who would fail.
It's 0.08% here in Canada if you have a "G" class driver's license ie. an advanced driver's license.

Ivymike, you seem really curious about all this. Are you planning on drinking and working to see what you can get away with? ;-)