John, If I read Marks problem correctly he has multiples of the same components in the part fmaily master. The component will only show up under the available column (components) once. They can all be toggled on or all be toggled off.
Unfortunately, in NX8 at least, your components would need different part numbers to be able to do this with control in the spreadsheet as you indicate.
I have done some fairly complex part families. Even part families within part families. I turned in an error to GTAC which was elevated to a bug and a year later just recently became PR Number 6756229 and is supposedly fixed in NX9.0. It involved components generated from a components arrays not displaying correctly in the part family generated components when the master component was toggled on our off in the part family spreadsheet. So, I would stay away from this.
If you are not concerned with the parts list or can control that with other means (edit levels) another trick would be to put those components on seperate layers, say one on 1, one on 2, one on 3 and one on 4. When you insert the part family component use original layers instead of work layer and you can control their display this way.
I am sure there are other work arounds. I wish to try assembly arrangements and then toggle those in a part family. This may be a good case to try this but I cannot comment further on it at this time.
NX 8.0.1.5