Because women are hit upon, harassed, propositioned, etc. across the work force doesn't render it irrelevant in STEM. It remains an aspect of STEM and a reason some women, very capable of entering engineering, never consider it because they know how men are. Not all men but enough that they are not willing to put up with it. It is just one aspect of men they understand to walk away from.
I almost left engineering due to being hit upon, harassed, propositioned, cat called, etc.
One married man, an engineer, propositioned me for sex because he wasn't getting it from his wife and I was a good looking, single woman. In his words, he knew I needed sex. He wasn't embarrassed in the least to proposition me. He wasn't the only engineer to do so either.
I've had foremen harass me for sex so much I was relieved to get away from one by going to another plant. He wasn't the primary reason for me transferring but I was surprised to feel the relief of not having to put up with him. I was also dismayed that he transferred into the same plant soon after me because he had gotten into trouble at our former plant. He immediately began the same behaviors. He did it to me and the other women there, by his own admission. I warned him about it but he ignored me. He was going to continue because he never knew when he would get lucky or weaken one of his prey. He finally ran into a female operator that turned him in and he was fired.
I could write a book about my experiences with male engineers and males in the workplace. After awhile, it gets really old and you just want men to stop. That is a sentiment I have heard from other women in engineering. And even when you tell them to stop, a good portion don't, which is part of character disturbance. One such man told me that the men in that plant felt like women were there for them to take, if they wanted. Everything in the plant was for them, i.e., the men. They were entitled.
I've been called a token so many times I think of myself that way at various times. The engineer, a very bright, likeable man, admitted that I was doing "real" engineering work but that I was still a token. The secretary told him to stop many times but he never did. He would laugh, say he was right, and continue on. Token would be uttered multiple times in one conversation.
Another male engineer routinely walked up to me on the plant floor and told me how healthy the good ol' boys club is and that I'd never be a member as a woman.
I've had male engineers gang up on me and sabotage my work. They were too ignorant to do the jobs they had and too stupid to want to learn from anyone including me. Of course, the engineering managers didn't help and they were also men.
I've had other engineers lie to management about my work. This one did it openly then began a campaign behind my back with the plant manager and others who were dishonest, too dependent on him for what to think, and cowardly enough to listen to him.
One engineer, two levels above me in management, seemed on the verge of punching my lights out. All indications were clear and he moved closer to intimidate me. He has about a foot in height on me and is twice my weight. His fists were clinched by his sides, his jugulars were bulging, his pasty white skin was red, and his whole body was shaking with rage. I stood my ground, which made him angry. I was right and we both knew it. Many in that plant commented about how much that one manager chastised, criticized, and attacked me for the most asinine stuff. He was identified by many as a bully. He was a real jerk and shortly afterwards put me on notice to be terminated. No one said anything except HR and they had no explanations. I transferred into a corporate engineering position upon getting my MS. He was moved back to the research center, which derailed his plans to be the next plant manager of that plant or another one. After he was removed from that plant, some of his immediate subordinates sent me all kinds of company gifts. It was surreal.
This kind of stupidity reaches across the generations. I am 57 years old and remember the stories from the older female engineers that told me how things were for them and would be for me. I remember the comments from some of the older male engineers, who would be in their 80's today. I've had men 20 years my junior tell me that by even getting the engineering degree I had taken the spot a man should have. Another man 20 years my junior told me that I was a front for a male owned company that was really going to do the work. He "knew" how things worked and women owned engineering firms are just like black owned engineering firms, i.e., not smart like white men thus incapable of doing the work. Estimate the decades and determine your own thoughts. I have.
That I have my Professional Engineering license, in three states, in electrical engineering means nothing to them. The fact that I, not anyone else, took all the courses, did the homework, exams, labs, etc. for undergraduate and graduate engineering degrees means nothing to quite a few men. Somehow I wrangled it but it couldn't have been through my own intellect, desire to learn it, and work ethic. They wanted to view me as inferior or their own personal play thing. I am neither. Really, you cannot make this stuff up.
At this point in my life, I find it ignorant and often stupid for any man to tell me what does and does not exist in STEM for women and how I am to think and feel about it. They view life through their optics, which are far, far, far different than mine. No man has ever been told he didn't belong in engineering because of his gender. No man, with a BS in engineering, was ever told he was too educated to be an engineer, with the implication that people didn't like him because he earned a BS in engineering. An engineering manager, male, told me that.
If I write about my experiences in industry too much, men, engineering men, accuse me of whining. However, until men come to grips with all of the stories women in STEM and elsewhere have to share, men will continue to hide behind their ignorance and stupidity. It takes a lot of courage to exam oneself and conclude that work needs to be done and it's not technical competence work. It's personality and character work. I have endured so much criticism from men, engineers and otherwise, I've worked on myself because I thought I was some deficient human being. I had problems but I was not deficient. Also, many of those men were projecting their own faults, flaws, and weaknesses onto me.
It is high time that men stop analyzing me and others like me and start analyzing themselves. Stop pointing out what you think is wrong with me and start pointing out what is wrong with you. I work like a dog to do good work and to treat people fairly. I expect the same in return and have often not gotten it. I don't try to stir up trouble for anyone and will take a lot of crap from others. But, at some point, the crap flinging needs to stop. If it doesn't, it's time to walk away. And as women like me walk away, the chances of your daughters having an even more enjoyable engineering career become even more remote.
For those of you with daughters, think about it. Do you really want them to experience men, old and young, blatantly propositioning them for sex? Do you want your daughters to experience those blatantly propositioning men to relentlessly pursue your daughters, with the sole purpose to wear her will down to zero? Do you want your daughter to be told she doesn't belong? Do you want your daughter to be told she isn't as intelligent as a man? Do you want your daughter to be told she isn't smart enough to be an engineer? Do you want your daughter to be told her gender doesn't suit certain jobs? Do you want your daughter to fear for her physical safety? Do you want your daughter to fear a violent act? Do you want your daughter to live in fear? Do you want your daughter to limit herself because she hears the "no value" message so much? Do you want your daughters to die a death by a thousand cuts?
Personally, I am sick and tired of men telling me how I am to think and feel about my life experiences. That's my job. I know more about my life and what's it's done to me than anyone alive. So many men have condescending and patronizing remarks but they completely miss how inappropriate, inaccurate, and unnecessary they are.
One of my tormenters, the young man who routinely told me about the health of the good ol' boys club, is now the father to a little girl. I hope like heck that she doesn't run into what her father did to me. That's the ultimate of telling someone they are an outsider, will always be an outsider, you're minimal, unimportant, diminished, don't count, and disenfranchised because the good ol' boys club says you are because of your gender. No one gets to tell me how to think or feel about that experience. That's my job. I didn't like it then and I don't like it now. No one should hear that kind of garbage in the workforce. You're being paid to be on the same team. That that kind of thing does happen tells me many men know nothing about true teamwork. They only know teamwork with people like themselves.
I love engineering. I have thoroughly enjoyed my career. I have worked with some wonderful men but the stinkers have hit home in many negative ways. I hope the future changes for younger women. It breaks my heart to read some of the accounts of younger women because too little has changed and they will be viewed as less than during their careers. Make no mistake about the depths of meanness in some men and the depths to which they will reach to destroy, utterly so, any woman he wants to for any reason.
Pamela K. Quillin, P.E.
Quillin Engineering, LLC
NSPE-CO, Central Chapter
Dinner program: