Geotech Jokes?

[eric1037]

Hey all,

I'm teaching a one-day short course on deep foundations and I'm trying to find a few jokes to lighten things up.

I only know one geotech joke and it goes like this:

If you look up "boring" in the telephone book, you find Geotechnical Engineer.

I know it's not a good one, but I don't know any more.

Anybody know any good ones or any at all?

Thanks!

 

[BigH]

I ran across a web site a while back - that had about 15 or them. Actually the page was called Geotechnical Jokes. I'll try to find them or post a few from my other computer. There's a few better ones than that!

 

[BigH]

http://www.ejge.com/iGEM/truefals.htm

 

[emmgjld]

My Father had several.
He would set us up by starting with the Materials Guys. He had some fun with the Product Engineers from the cement suppliers.

Concrete Engineers are like their product,
All mixed up and set in their ways.

Geotechs minds are like their recommendations,
High Density and Low Permeability.

Three men, an Architect, a Developer and an investor are standing in a field slated for a housing developement,
The water and mud are up to their knees.
The developer asks, Do you think we need a soils test?

OK, not so good after all. And yet,
My experience is we all have a pretty good sense of humor.

 

[Mccoy]

eric 1037,
I have the same problem in that I'm also going to teach a 1-day introductive course in LRFD. first time at the end of this month.
I'm thinking about ways to lighten things up, or avoid to "bore" the audience.
The obvious one is to use many images, field pictures, colorful plots...
Another would be to spread a few anedoctes, funny stories, about field guys and operations, university professors, achademical guys and yes, jokes, if you can link them to topics of actuality, even if they have nothing to do with geotech.
The teacher's skill would be to capture the needs of the audience and being sure what you say is going to relate directly to them in practical ways. And reaching a balance between seriousness and facetiousness.
One thing I like when I attend courses is to receive very specific and inside info you can't easily get from books or elsewhere.

well, I'll be able to tell more about it when I'll be thru the first course.

 

[BigH]

This isn't a joke - just something that I found to be ironic.

When I was a very young engineer, I was sent to Guyana to the Bauxite mine to work on construction of the tailings dams. We were dumping sand fill out onto the slimes to displace them in order to widen the dam in the pond direction. We did one area in which a decant tower was going so I put in a number of settlement plates. Being one that sort of marched to a different drummer, I named them "Tom, Dick, Harry, and Sam" (after "any old Tom Dick or Harry). My boss, one of Canada's foremost geotechnical engineers scolded me up one side and down the other for using such, well, unconventional designations. I accepted this okay.

Well, some 20 years later, our company was splitting into a mining group and a geotechnical group - with me in the latter one. The mining group was in charge of the move and they tossed out all the old original drawings. I couldn't believe it - original borehole stratigraphy drawings of the major bridge structures in Ontario built in the 1960s as well as many other very significant projects. Being a sort of collector and lover of history (and our company was one of the first geotechnical engineering groups in Canada of which a world famous group broke off) - I saved the drawings from the bin. I ended up "buying" the "garbage". Anyway, I started to roll up the drawings into drawing rolls and came across the drawings of one of the northern Ontario Causeways - Rainy Lake Causeway I believe.

As I was rolling up the drawings, I noted that the boreholes were not named BH1, BH2, etc. or similar. They, instead were named "Mary", "Linda", "Katherine", etc. I looked at the bottom of the drawing and, yes, our eminent boss' name was clearly listed. Wow, I thought.

I had a chance a few weeks later to discuss this with him. Firstly, I asked if he remembered giving me some grief about my naming of the plates in Guyana. He said that indeed he did. (He has a photgraphic memory). I then queried him on how he could do that to me when I saw that he named HIS drawings "Mary", "Linda", etc. A wry smile came over his face. "You see," he told me, "that job was being bird-dogged back in Toronto by the CEO" - of one of Canada's then largest contractors. The CEO was so involved that he named the borings after his wife, daughters, grand-daughters, etc.

"Cool," I thought. Someone else with a sense of humour.

Fred went on, "The thing about it was that we had to send reports down every night (telex) to the CEO telling him about the daily progress. It was very difficult telling him that we drilled "Susan" (his daughter) for 15 ft to finish her off and then drilled "Mary" 10 ft!"

I could see his dilemma - and then wondered what he thought when I named mine after boys!

 

[jdonville]

An oldie, but a goodie.

http://www.verd.com/goofy/PPT/Beaver.pps

Jeff

 

[vulcanhammer]

I'm not sure this counts as a joke but...

When I was active with Vulcan Iron Works, one of our field service people went to a job outside the U.S. for a pile hammer start-up. When the platform was upended and settled on the bottom, it was evident that the platform was off location (or not properly configured for the correct location) as the jacket's top was too far above sea level.

When the contractor asked the owner how to fix the problem, they were told to take the platform out until the elevation was correct. But what about the location for drilling, the contractor persisted. Not to worry, replied the owner: there was oil everywhere out there!

Turns out the owner was right: there was!

Some interesting information on conventional platforms can be found at

http://www.vulcanhammer.net/off/conventional.php

 

[BigH]

Vulcanhammer - I like that one! For us, most of the time it is the stories and not jokes per se that are wrily humourous!
to all - hope you all had a great holiday.

 

[Mccoy]

All in all a good holiday,
this time I really managed to refrain from dietary abuse, my main worry is not to end up with indigestion, holidays in Italy are real killers to that regard.
Self control is particularly difficult due to the quantity and quality of food at disposal!

I just love field stories. Right now I remember this one:
For some time I worked as a field geologist for a foundations contractor.
No matter what, workers invariably called me the "gynaecologist", an onomatopeic joke started somewhere/sometime by some facetious worker, but which became so engrained that "gynaecologist" was the right term, whereas "geologist" was wrong.
A new crane operator started working with us, in a slope remediation rig. After a few weeks, many chats and having become acquainted, he at last posed me the question which was evidently grilling him from the start: "Pardon me, but what the heck is a gynaecologist doing here in the field ?"
Dumbfounded, I realized he had a slightly above the average education and was actually able to distinguish between geologist and gynaecologist, and was genuinely convinced that I was a gynaecologist, "visiting" drainage trenches and drilled holes in lieu of women (no trace of 'em in the radius of many miles!).
He was almost disappointed when I explained him the plain truth.

 

[dgillette]

General purpose engineer jokes, that play to stereotypes that are not entirely baseless:

An artist, an accountant, and an engineer were discussing the relative merits of having a mistress vs a wife.

The artist says "There is nothing like having a mistress to enhance one's art - the mystery, the intrigue, the volatile emotions, the uncertainties."

The accountant responds "No, no, no. You need a wife, someone who will provide you with stability and a comfortable home life, and someone who will help you impress potential clients as to what a stable, reliable person you are."

The engineer says "Actually, it's better to have both."

"Both?"

"Yeah, both. The wife thinks you are with the mistress, and the mistress thinks you're the wife. Then, you can go to the office and get some work done."
___________________________

During the French Revolution, a lawyer, a priest, and an engineer were to be guillotined.

First, the lawyer. They brought him out, read a short speech, stuck his head in the guillotine, played a drum roll, and yanked the lever. Nothing happened. The lawyer sees his opportunity and yells "Section 403.2 part B of the French Revised Penal Code provides that an accused criminal can only be guillotined once. You've had your chance, so now you must let me go." Reluctantly, they do so.

Next, the priest. They go through the routine, and again nothing happens. The priest responds "It is the will of God! It shows his blessing on our cause and you must let me go!" Not wanting to annoy God, they turn the priest loose.

Finally, the engineer, and again the guillotine malfunctions. The engineer then looks up at the mechanism and says "Oh, I see what the problem is."

 

[jdonville]

A company sends a delagation to a conference where both technical and financing topics are to be discussed. It is finally decided to send three engineers and three finance types. The conference is being held in a nearby city, so the delagates will travel by train.

The finance types each purchase one ticket and the engineers purchase only one ticket between the tree of them.

After boarding, the engineers all cram into a WC. The conductor takes the tickets from the seated passengers (including the finance folks) and knocks on the door of the WC saying, "Ticket, please." In response, the door cracks open, the conductor takes the profferred ticket and moves to the next carriage.

The finance types are impressed by the economy of the engineers, and on the return trip, purchase exactly one ticket. After boarding, they immediately ensconce themselves in the WC to wait for the conductor. The engineers, unknown to the finance folks, purchase no tickets at all and cram into another WC on the train.

One of the engineers then goes over to the WC where the finance types are waiting, knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please."

-Jeff