It's not really in the ASME standards, but the "To or Thru" rule is derived from the standard's definition of flatness.
A flatness tolerance on a surface already lives within a size tolerance. Therefore, if your stack in any way includes the size of the part, then you ignore the flatness number in your stack because you travelled "thru" the part (using the size tolerance).
However, if your stack only goes "to" the surface alone, without using the overall size, then you should include the flatness number in your stack.
I myself think that the term "To vs. Thru" is a little hokey, but I guess it's supposed to be easy to remember.
See the attached PDF for examples.
John-Paul Belanger
Certified Sr. GD&T Professional
Geometric Learning Systems