I have grown to despise overly wordy prose in technical topics. Overuse of neutral words like "the" would not make me think less of the writer, but I certainly notice it.

Ever since reading a book*** at the recommendation of another post here, I've started trimming down my communications as much as possible without removing substance. Now I find my larger challenge is not coming off snippy or short with people; I've gotten some feedback from friendly coworkers wondering if I was irritated in some replies. That's mainly in emails.

In more formal reports and submittals, though, I have trimmed down superfluous language. I've done my best to eliminate weasel words. I like the writing much better. It forces me to commit to statements, and when lacking confidence to commit to them, has made me go back and research it until I was confident enough to commit.

"Construction progressed upward from the slope base and was completed prior to our site visit."

Simple rewording reduces repetition of "the" and reduced word count from 20 to 14, as well as creating a more "personal" statement by stating "our" site visit, instead of "the" site visit. It at least makes it more specific about which site visit is referenced. "The" site visit could be any site visit, though I'm obviously looking at one sentence out of context. Making the statements as bland as can be may seem more "technical" and "professional" to some, but I disagree. Being specific can often increase the potency of a statement. I find the act of removing specificity requires more words than being specific, often times.

***That book was: Why Business People Speak Like Idiots: A Bullfighters Guide
http://www.amazon.com/Business-People-Speak-Like-I...

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NX8.0, Solidworks 2014, AutoCAD, Enovia V5

Interesting point of grammar.
Checked my Strunk & White, no useful information.
Did more checking, I found these guidelines:

• If there is only one: The Pope lives in Rome, The moon is bright.
• If there is only one of those things in that place.
• If the thing was already mentioned: A woman fell...; The woman was dead.
• More here from this link (assume it is valid for "American English"): http://learnenglish.britishcouncil.org/en/english-...

TygerDawg
Blue Technik LLC
Virtuoso Robotics Engineering
www.bluetechnik.com

JNieman,

I know that when I proof read stuff I write, I remove adjectives. This is not the same thing as articles. I think Ms. Bedwin was referring to this...

1. PUT WASHER ON PLATE OVER HOLE
2. PUT SCREW IN WASHER
3. HIT WITH HAMMER

The point gets across but it lacks elegance, and grammatical correctness. I pointed out on Facebook that much of this stuff used to be printed out by hand on a drafting board. This encourages brevity for many reasons.

--
JHG

Well, there's a difference between drawing notes [which should be stated as requirements not instructions most of the the time - hence passive voice etc. at least to ASME Y14.5M] where as technical reports are a different beast.

@drawoh

I wandered from the topic a bit, but the general point poorly made was that excessive use of 'filler' words, including articles, happens when one isn't writing sincerely. I believe the result is also a report that's hard to read. I find that when I read reports written in such a way, that I will read 4-6 sentences and stop and say "Wait... what did I just read?"

_________________________________________
NX8.0, Solidworks 2014, AutoCAD, Enovia V5

"The initial construction of the drain pipe, starting from the bottom of the slope, was completed prior to the site visit."

how many "the" can you get rid of ? number 2, 3, and 4 seem pretty required; number 5 looks required but maybe not; number 1 could be deleted, I guess.

I'd question other words ... what was "initial" about the construction ? first stage ? or something temporary (like scaffolding) ?
is it necessary to qualify "construction" with the phrase "starting from the bottom of the slope" ?
the construction completed before the visit started at the bottom of the slope but went where ?

maybe "The first stage of construction of the drain pipe was completed prior to the site visit" ?

is "prior to" a better word than "before" ?

or "Construction of the drain pipe, starting from the bottom of the slope, was started before the site visit."

another day in paradise, or is paradise one day closer ?

That sounds like one of my sentences, so I won't try to improve it.

"The initial construction of the drainpipe, starting from the bottom of the slope, was completed prior to the site visit."

If this was in a report, then it reads fine to me - I don't believe in brevity if it leads to "clumsy" unnatural language like:

"Initial construction of drainpipe, starting from bottom of slope, was completed prior to site visit."

As others have said, notes on a drawing can omit definite and indefinite articles etc, but reports should read "fluently", so that your brain doesn't jar as you try to work your way through the sentence.

http://julianh72.blogspot.com

@drawoh:


1. PUT WASHER ON PLATE OVER HOLE
2. PUT SCREW IN WASHER
3. HIT WITH HAMMER

Item 3 would be a "Birmingham Screwdriver", I presume?
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=bir...

http://julianh72.blogspot.com

simplitic?

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