explosive boss
explosive boss
(OP)
How do you put an end to a boss who explodes in anger whenever he hears of some trouble. The guy has a problem and everyone knows it.
My problem is whether to go down to his level and enter a shouting contest or to take it until he calms down and listens. (because he changes attitudes within an hour of the incident).
any advice?
My problem is whether to go down to his level and enter a shouting contest or to take it until he calms down and listens. (because he changes attitudes within an hour of the incident).
any advice?





RE: explosive boss
RE: explosive boss
Does his boss know? Does the human resource manager know?
None of this is likely to make you especially popular with your boss, but first you need to document specific incidents, times, causes etc. Take this to the human resources manager. Document your conversation with the HR manager. They are supposed to keep information such as this confidential. Mention the phrase "hostile work environment".
Either things will improve, or you will get fired. If you get fired, sue them.
RE: explosive boss
1) don't ever drop to his level and enter into a shouting match -- that is a lose-lose situation for you...
2) when I've had subordinates like that, I always told them I'd talk to them when they cooled down and then I'd walk away -- for a boss, the few times this has occurred, I took it and didn't say a word... (in these cases, I either deserved it or the initiating event was understandable and in all cases, it was never personal)
3) as most counselors will advise (I am not one and I don't always follow their guidance), you should consider approaching your boss during a calm period and in a neutral area and ask if you can discuss a personal issue that involves him/her -- their response will indicate any approval to proceed -- it's thin ice and you will need to be very tactful -- even then it's a risk... (if you pursue this, try to think of any and all responses that may come and develop a cool and calm respose/reaction to each one)
4) if the anger is personal and directed at you or others, then be sure to document the cases very carefully -- then you need to do some serious thinking -- consider approaching HR and discussing the problem -- regardless of how open this option seems, (in my opinion) you must be willing to resign (or be pigeon holed) because you will have bucked management and there are probably those in the chain who will hold that against you (or maybe not ???)...
RE: explosive boss
If I was on the receiving end of this behavior from a boss. I would follow the advice above and document the explosive and abusive behavior. I would then in a time of calmness talk to my boss with a written record of his behavior.
If this resulted in another explosion or did not improve the situation, I would add any additional documentation to the list and present the list to either HR, the next level of bosses or if there was a employee representative or labour management committee then take it to that.
Remember there is power in numbers. If he was explosive towards you than it’s safe to assume that he is explosive to others. Get them to separately document this behavior and join in the reporting.
If you are on this forum then you should be an engineer and a professional. That means that your boss also should be a professional. No one has to suffer this type of abuse in the workplace and it especially should never happen in a professional workplace.
Don’t expect that there will be a dramatic change. By reporting on a boss you have upset what in the senior management’s view is the natural order of things. You have not only made a case that your boss is behaving badly but called into question senior management’s judgment in appointing this guy a boss in the first place. Their first reaction will be to protect the institution of management and deny that the situation is as bad as you are making it out to be.
You will only get one shot at this so have all your documentation in order and have the support of your peers as well. (Video or audio may be helpful in proving your case, there may be some laws about this in some jurisdictions.)
If I ended up getting fired for this reporting then sue them all let the judge sort it out.
Rick Kitson MBA P.Eng
Construction Project Management
From conception to completion
www.kitsonengineering.com
RE: explosive boss
If you are employed in a "Right-to-work" state, an employer is free to terminate at will. "Hostile Work Environment" only applies to sexual or racial harrassment.
I had a supervisor who was such an a$$hole that other people outside our department complained about how he treated me. The end result was that I was terminated When I asked the company owner (small ID firm) for help in dealing with it. I did get a nice guilt- and cash-laden settlement, but my attorney did tell me it was well within the employer's rights (in Wisconsin) to terminate me at will as long as it wasn't over age, gender, or race.
I don't regret asking for help. I don't regret standing up for myself and demanding to be treated with respect. My work and conduct were exemplary, (even by the owner's account) and I had no reason to permit anyone to subject me to that treatment.
p.s.
We all mean well in this forum, but consult an attorney to find out just what your rights are.
RE: explosive boss
RE: explosive boss
I have come to the conclusion over the weekend that life is too short for this and it is starting to affect my ego and health. The good thing is that I have stood up to his arguments in a calm way and I've used the "lowering-your-voice" technique. I will continue to do that until i've found another job. He is the big big boss though. so i can't take it one step up. what i have not done though is taking it to personnel. something i want to think about.
Unfortunately, reality bites and I can't just quit and walk out. Plus, it will haunt me, all my life that I quit over one argument. So I have begun sending resume's and I'm giving myself till the end of the year to get out.
RE: explosive boss
Good luck
Patricia Lougheed
Please see FAQ731-376 for tips on how to make the best use of the Eng-Tips Forums.
RE: explosive boss
1. He talked to the boss about not wanting to be yelled at, and that he would respond better if he were talked to calmly.
2. After the next incident told the boss that he would ignore any yelling and not respond to what was said.
3. Ignored boss during the next yelling incident. The boss got upset and brought him to personnel. Upon review the HR rep told him that he was right. The boss got upset and yelled. He didn't have to go into further detail with the HR people...
I hope whatever route you choose works out for you. It's not a good situation to be in.
RE: explosive boss
You dont know other peoples opinion of him and he will feel betrayed.
If you feel you cant discuss it with him live with it or seek another position.
Best regards
Morten
RE: explosive boss
Your boss is unstable and this behavior is known and tolerated by superiors. If he is a good supervisor in all other respects, then learn to live with this failing. More likely the bad behavior is associated with other problems and I suggest a transfer in the company. If you can't get a transfer, I recommend taping meetings with your boss for your own protection.
Lastly never tolerate a dangerous situation if the outbursts could turn violent. Definitely seek employment elsewhere. If this behavior creates a dangerous work environment, then the company is liable for your boss's actions if they have been notified. Do so and you may have a good claim for compensation or a winnable lawsuit. In this case consult with a lawyer to find out what proof and documenation you need.
RE: explosive boss
I dont think taping is a very good solution. There are ofcourse practical problems but maybe also legal?
Anyway - if you have a gun it might actually be more dangerous to yourself if you are not prepared/sure if you can use it! Explanation: If you got the recording of an "explosion" what will you do with them?
I would rather think that if you found such an extreme measure necessary then it was time for a new job
Best regards
Morten
RE: explosive boss
1) No one can take advantage of you without your permission; meaning you will have to step up or continue to suffer.
2) Very few people will correct an "unknown" problem; if the manager is unaware of how obnoxious he really is (don't laugh, he may think its normal) or how negatively it is affecting you - why change.
Definitely approach him first, quietly but firmly, but be prepared to walk.
Blacksmith
RE: explosive boss
I must admit I've never had an explosive boss, and only seen one at close range. Just thinking about him in particular, I can see how difficult it would be to approach him and ask him to change his behaviour (the phrase 'grow up' springs to mind).
Big company mode: If you are in a large organisation go to HR. This probably won't work in a small organisation.
Devil's advocate mode: have you tried yelling back. Or standing there with your arms crossed, tapping your foot? I don't think either will work.
Or, preferred solution: take control. When he starts yelling walk to the whiteboard, write up a problem statement defining whatever it is that set him off. Start writing a plan of action. If he says, or shouts, something useful, incorporate it. This is how I cope with problem solving meetings that go bad - if they won't focus, give them something to focus on. Has his office got a whiteboard? If not ask if you can have one in there. If you can, try this, it sounds sensible to me. Note that in typical Greg mode it allows you to listen without having to look at him! Your lack of physical feedback may defuse the situation, or, I suppose, encourage him to kick you, or the desk, apart, in which case I think his future career plans will be made for him.
Actually leading on from that last one, maybe he's annoyed because he gets useless people (in his view) walking into his office and bleeding all over his desk without an action plan of some sort. Does he explode even if you walk in and say, here's a problem, and here's what I'm going to do about it? The reason I suggest that is that some eng-tippers seem to rely on their managers for technical stuff- that is /not/ what they are there for.
Cheers
Greg Locock
RE: explosive boss
It's much the same as a physical confrontation. You have two choices, FIGHT or FLIGHT. In your situation both carry very high risks. I'm not suggesting fighting -- just stating as an example of basic animal and human instincts, FIGHT or FLIGHT.
RE: explosive boss
RE: explosive boss
I had the privledge of dealing with one boss (not big head cheese) that liked to yell to intimidate. One day, I was in a bad mood anyway, and he started yelling. I yelled right back and he was sort of shocked. Luckily for me, after that he respected me alot more (because I stood up for myself-not usually a problem for me). No more temper tantrums. It is a tough decision and I think, for now, you are doing the right thing (looking for another job).
RE: explosive boss
This is a really dangerous topic to seek advice about. No one but you will suffer the consequences if you handle the situation badly. Advice is always easy to give, and difficult to follow.
You don't strike me as the sort who would yell back. No judgement here, just an observation. If you were the confrontational type we wouldn't be discussing your problem in this thread. I would suggest that you do not try to change your basic nature. Talk to your boss privately, one on one, about your concerns. You might come to an understanding.
I would not recommend taping anything unless you are willing to leave your position. Even then, imagine the reference you'll get at your next job interview. All your current employer would have to do is mention that you taped conversations with your previous boss. Now what? Are you going to sue them for that? They just told the truth. You don't always win when you are right.
I have worked in manufacturing my entire career. When push came to shove, I almost never backed down. Almost all the shouters I ever dealt with were using their behavior to get themselves some space. They became stressed to the breaking point, and lashed out to drive the antagonists away. It is a coping mechanism of sorts.
One boss I felt was baiting me with his behavior. Seeing if he could get a big enough response to justify firing me. His boss had hired me against my immediate boss's wishes. I couldn't get out of that company fast enough. But I held my tongue until I could get out.
Be yourself. Cope as best you can. Don't tape anything.
RE: explosive boss
He called me one day and physically threatened me. I reported this to my supervisor, who told me to do nothing. I then reported it to HIS supervisor, who contacted the human resources VP. The superintendent was brought into the HR office, and thoroughly instructed about the position he put both himself and the company in by making that phone call. Harassment is taken seriously by US companies now, and lawsuits are something they desperately want to avoid. Later that day I walked across the mill and sat down one-on-one with him in his office, and calmly talked to him about his behavior. Without any prompting by me he apologized for what he had said, and that he would never do it again. That's all that I wanted to hear. And so far he has kept his word. It turns out that the probelm he had called about resulted from a lack of communication between himself and his supervisor. His boss had instructed me to do something, but never told the superintendent about it. When the superintendent found out what I had done, he thought that I went behind his back. That's why he blew up.
Communication is the key to avoiding these types of situations. I have made a point of keeping him in the loop on ANYTHING that I do now that would involve him or would impact him. I do not make the assumption that his co-workers or employees tell him what he needs to know. So far it seems to have worked, and we get along quite well. Perhaps an improvement in communication with your boss would improve the situation. Like most supervisors, he doesn't like surprises. Especially bad surprises. Try to keep him well informed so that he doesn't get hit with a problem that he never saw coming. It may reduce the severity of his response, and may also improve your working relationship with him.
Maui
RE: explosive boss
VOD
RE: explosive boss
You can't let people talk to you like that. I use several tactics to control the conversation so that I set the rules during the interaction. When someone comes to me angry I use body language to show my disapproval of their behavior towards to me. For example raise your eyebrows high and look directly at them. Then cock your head sideways. This usually works for me becuase they see that I'm surprised with how they are talking to me. Usually they will stop for a second and then that is your chance to ask them politely to calm down so that you can understand them. You must use wit in dealing with this situation. Be strong, be sure of yourself, and most of all be productive in solving the problem that made them angry. If they are mad at something you did then explain your reasoning and then listen to why it made them upset. If you realize your messed up then apologize and then ask what you can do to fix it a.s.a.p.. Don't quit just because of one person. Just try to rub elbows with this person and if you get an interpersonal relationship built with them then you are set for as long as you work there.
RE: explosive boss
I "took it" as did others when it occurred and eventually, I had a heart attack. The doctors attributed this to the stress at work. After returning to work a week later, I had made up my mind as you have, that the job wasn't as important as it had been before. When I gave my notice, the CEO asked what he could do to keep me with the firm. Upon hearing that I wanted to stay, but couldn't with the explosive guy still with the firm, he calmly wished me well and I left.
Two months after I did, they fired the guy.
Bottom line is, you don't have to deal with it and the next job you find will probably be a heck of a lot better position anyay. Good luck.
RE: explosive boss
Lots of good advice given already.
If your boss is always demonstrating the "explosive behaviour", interpersonal skill gurus would coin it an child type action. If you shout back it is a child like reaction. If you try to talk him out of it, you go into the adult mode and pull him into reacting in an adult mode himself. But once in a time you have to react in a child mode to make him realize he is wrong and bring him back on track.
Having said all this, no two people react similarly under similar circumstances, there are so many things affecting the way one reacts. The same person might react differently to the same action differently at two different instances. So, you have to decide, what is best for you, under a circumstance.
Once you decide your course of action, go through with it, and then don't look back and say, maybe I shouldn't have reacted the way I did, or I should have reacted this way... If things don't work out for you, think that this is what I should be doing the next time I am in a similar circumstance. Have conviction in your own belief and live with it. I am relatively less experienced than many who have posted on this thread, but this is the way I work. As far as possible try to bring everyone, your superior(s), your peer(s) and colleague(s) into an adult=adult relationship with you rather than a parent=child.
Some training courses are good for employees in an organisation to understand this too. If you have a reasonably good personnel department, select some good training programmes on interpersonal skills and get them organised. Read books like"I'm okay, you are okay". (Don't be a problem finder but a solution giver). Everything in work finally boils down to attitude....(Again, I learnt this from other posts on this site and have long since started enjoying my work assignments much more since employing this in my day to day work).
I have had a boss in the past who similar to funnelguy, always was antagonistic against me because he felt his boss and the plant president were referring things to me directly. There was also the fact that he considered me more qualified for the job than he was.Once I understod his behaviour, it became easier for me, because I always kept posting him about such developments. By keeping him in the loop always, (I also let him get credit once in a while by having him reply to the queries) he soon felt I was an asset to him and the team and soon we were on an adult=adult relationship. Maybe it would be interesting for you to brainstorm and do a C-E study on why and when he gets upset and accordingly try to seek a solution. I know this sounds too theoritical, but who knows it may work.
Thanks and regards
Sayee Prasad R
Ph: 0097143968906
Mob: 00971507682668
email: sayee_prasad@yahoo.com
The black holes of nature are the most perfect macroscopic objects there are in the universe: the only elements in their construction are our concepts of space and time.
RE: explosive boss
I normally would ask this question before offering any suggestions. Has your boss's behavior affected your own productivity? If the answers is yes, then I would ask another question, have you discussed this with your boss at all? If the answer is no, then I would suggest you tread carefully about taking on the responsibility for corrective action. If the answer is yes, I would like to know what the boss's response was.
Putting those questions aside, I have found that when dealing with problem bosses, subordinates or peers it is always beneficial to start documenting the incidents. In my case I've used a simple Word document to date each incident, listing enough details that would provide evidence of the impact on my productivity or the company or project objectives. Review the list of measureable performance appraisal factors used in your Company, e.g. Job Knowledge, Fundamental Skills, Teamwork, Leadership, Technical Business Effectiveness, etc and don't forget Environmental, Health and Safety. These will help you frame the specific areas that are problematic besides the outbursts. My Incident Log has enough detail for future reference because I tend to forget details, but a simple bulleted form that lists the dates and few key words about the incident may be all that is needed when you talk to the individual or provide the deatil to H.R. representative responsible for corrective action.
It sounds like you've already started the process to look for another job. Should that be the best decision for you, the list can become useful during your exit interview should they be truly interested in why you are leaving. The boss has probably done this before and his behavior may be tolerated for reasons beyond your control. The boss may also being using this as a tactic to drive you out of their employ without having to provide a severance package. Unless you have a strong mentor you can trust within the company to provide guidance and assistance, you are in a very difficult situation affecting any behavior change in your boss.
Good luck. I would strongly recommend seeking work through personal referrals and networking so that you can avoid jumping into another frying pan.
RE: explosive boss
All my jobs since then have been with really cool bosses and guess what:
NO STOMACH-ACHE EVERY MORNING BEFORE WORK.
Get out, you'll be glad you did.
tg
RE: explosive boss
what else comes with your job besides the shoutings? If the job is very promising with fat pay packages, just stay in and take the bangs head-on without reacting emotionally and foolishly. If the job is pretty ordinary, I'll second trainguy.
RE: explosive boss
RE: explosive boss
Your boss is acting the way that he is because he has other issues that you might not know about. Maybe he has an ill child, or he is going through a divorce.... you should not fire back at him. I know somebody who was going through the same thing that you are, and he dealt with him in the least hurting way possible. There is a book by Dale Carnegie that talks about exactly this type of human relationship. The book is called: HOW TO WIN FRIENDS AND INFLUENCE PEOPLE. I swear by this book. Anybody who wants to learn how to deal with all different types of people should read this book. It helped my friend, it helped me, it will help you I guarantee! But you have to believe in it!
Good luck!
RE: explosive boss
I wanted to add my own personal comments because this is a very serious issue. I had an uncle (he is deceased) who fit the description of this boss. For years many years he would contact my Dad (his brother) to tell him that he had lost another job because of his temper. My Dad (a minister) would console him and tell him to try to control his attitude. In those days (I am 60 now) we did not have the advanced technology we have today so we did not find out that his "Explosions" were caused by a treatable physical condition.
Ramnan, I realize that this is a difficult decision for you, but if you just quit your job a go some other place it will not help this person or the other people he is offending. Let me encourage you to document the incidents (at least 3) then contact Human Resorces and ask them to try and help this person.
What ever decision you make I wish happiness in the future.
RE: explosive boss
What happend next is still talked about in my company,my boss went to deliver a right hook but failed I then proceed to unlease three years of anger and frustration on this man and bet the living crap out of him to a point, where this man will not look me in the face now.
I did not as they say get away with out sanction, but that mans attitude has change for the better.
Bullies can be delt with.
RE: explosive boss
You are very fortunate to still be working at your company --- most reputable companies would have fired both of you on the spot for this type of activity.
Although, I can certainly understand how an unfortunate situation like yours could happen.
RE: explosive boss
This guy may be insecure or whatever, but the main reason he does this is that he can get away with it. Like all bullies, you have got to stand up to him....shout back. It worked for me in the past. I took abuse like that from a fellow worker. Everybody had a problem with him. One day after a particularily confrontational meeting, I saw him coming for me across the production floor with 'fire in this eyes'. I lost my cool and shouted back even louder. He stood there stunned. He hasn't said 'boo' to me since. I can tell you, I walked away with my dignity back. Now, when other people complain to me about him I simnple tell them 'he will walk all over you, only if you let him'.
Same rules apply to the school yard age 5.
RE: explosive boss
Here is something that may help:
http://65.54.172.250/cgi-bin/linkrd?_lang=EN&lah=cbdc4b...
RE: explosive boss
He had one guy in tears one night. Another stood up to him (when he yelled at the guy in earshot of everyone), and the supervisor reported him and tried to get him fired.
I was layed-off before I could file a complaint (the HR person was layed-off prior), and I'm sure it was due to the supervisor. I really wish I had done something, rather than "turning the other cheek". The supervisor took an early retirement, so the world is safe from him, at least.
BTW, check out the movie, "Swimming With Sharks", with Kevin Spacey. Spacey plays the ultimate horrid boss. Warning: very sad ending, but a really good flick.
RE: explosive boss
I know exactly how you feel. I am in the same position.
A previous boss once told me:"manage the problem, not the person". I think this is a wise approach when dealing with difficult peers/co-workers and maybe even bosses/supervisors. But in my case, and probably yours, I have decided to find employment elsewhere, preferrably Santa Barbara. This is the only way I can resolve the situation as there is no HR dept where I work, and no one above my boss. Now, if the job market would just pickup.....
RE: explosive boss