Does anyone know any Jokes (about soil testing)? Does anyone know any Jokes (about soil testing)? fergie1133 (Geotechnical) (OP) 16 Dec 16 23:28 I need something funny to put on a gag gift for an engineering geologist who is retiring. Does anyone know any relevant one-liners? RE: Does anyone know any Jokes (about soil testing)? fel3 (Civil/Environmental) 17 Dec 16 01:04 How about something along the lines of: What the engineer calls "soil", everyone else just calls "dirt". ========== "Is it the only lesson of history that mankind is unteachable?" --Winston S. Churchill RE: Does anyone know any Jokes (about soil testing)? dik (Structural) 17 Dec 16 01:23 or the cartoon about the two Italian contractors looking at the plans for the Tower of Pisa one of them saying, "We can save 1000 lira if we forget about getting a soil report." Dik RE: Does anyone know any Jokes (about soil testing)? emmgjld (Geotechnical) 17 Dec 16 23:31 A man was jumping around a vacant lot on a pogo-stick. He was questioned by a passerby and replied. "Why ... Testing the soil, OF Course." RE: Does anyone know any Jokes (about soil testing)? BigH (Geotechnical) 19 Dec 16 02:18 Back in University days we had two geotechs get married . . . one has quite a famous name in the geotech drilling business . . . - anyway I made up a RSBS specification (Royals Soil Beer Society): "Standard Penetration Test for Honeymooners" . . . wished I still had the specification. RE: Does anyone know any Jokes (about soil testing)? darthsoilsguy2 (Geotechnical) 19 Dec 16 20:35 "i'll have two eggs over-easy." - joke told by every site contractor What is 50% water and 50% soil? Soil with a water content of 100%, of course. (and a concrete one) Question: When testing concrete, which happens first... the test the Concrete Slump OR the test the Concrete Air Content? Answer: Someone knocks on the truck window to wake the tech up. RE: Does anyone know any Jokes (about soil testing)? CarlB (Civil/Environmental) 19 Dec 16 22:19 From a web search, not so much about soils testing though: Geology One Liners My Sediments exactly! Have a gneiss day Schist happens My rocks are gneiss, don't take them for granite. "May the Quartz be with you" Geologists probe crevices "Geologists have their faults" "Geologists can be very sedimental" Geologists never lose their luster! Geologists don't wrinkle, they show lineation! Old geologists never die, they just recrystallize. Some jokes just fluorite over my head RE: Does anyone know any Jokes (about soil testing)? mikeofBelAir (Geotechnical) 20 Dec 16 13:48 Not a joke, exactly, but maybe 40 odd years ago, some group at Harvard printed a bogus Soils Manual. I remember one classic line where a common symbol was "simplified" by replacing with a page of Chinese characters. Another was a triaxial test with a technician inside the chamber. Fog of memory clouds the rest, but it was an amusing read.