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This is Absolutely Brilliant!
4

This is Absolutely Brilliant!

This is Absolutely Brilliant!

4
(OP)


The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi TU understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl.
Dedicated to the intelligentia...!

RE: This is Absolutely Brilliant!

Some people write and speak like this already, so nothing new.....

It is a capital mistake to theorise before one has data. Insensibly one begins to twist facts to suit theories, instead of theories to suit facts. (Sherlock Holmes - A Scandal in Bohemia.)

RE: This is Absolutely Brilliant!

There was me thinking that the joke would be English dissolving/decaying into American.

Steve

RE: This is Absolutely Brilliant!

As I progressed through the article, the image of Major Hochstetter from the American classic tv program "Hogan's Heroes" appeared in my mind. Well done!

It is better to have enough ideas for some of them to be wrong, than to be always right by having no ideas at all.

RE: This is Absolutely Brilliant!

It was great watching Hogan's Heroes in German.

RE: This is Absolutely Brilliant!

Reminds me of "Ladle Rat Rotten Hut", from Howard L. Chance's book, "Anguish Languish". Well done. bigsmile
Dave

Thaidavid

RE: This is Absolutely Brilliant!

Wasn't the letter "s" in Old English become a "f" with modern English? And when did a "ph" become a "f"?

RE: This is Absolutely Brilliant!

Isn't the UK bailing out of the EU...
So, maybe the official language of the European Union will go back to German or French... but not Spanish or Greek I would assume.

G-pa Dave pipe

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