Work Life Balance (update)
Work Life Balance (update)
(OP)
Hi All,
I was going to reply to a older thread I created that had a great deal of comments about my situation.
http://www.eng-tips.com/viewthread.cfm?qid=270677
In the last 4 years - I have taken on a new job that has moved me out into an apartment on my own and into a new city about 3 hours from where I grew up. Things are pretty positive living on my own for 2 years now. However, I'm faced with some tough decisions. I currently have few friends here - still struggling for that aspect. However I am wondering what to do with housing. I have lived in the apartment for 2 years and I'm looking for something different.
Option # 1 - Find Small House to Rent
Option # 2 - Purchase House
Option # 3 - Rent different apartment
Option # 4 - Find new Job / Town - stay put until this happens
I am wondering what option I should do? This job I am at is pretty easy, I get to travel alot, however I am in Dubuque IA which is a smaller town. I am struggling getting adjusted - and I feel like if you were never a local here its hard to get integrated. I've been traveling home a lot to visit family and old friends and I feel that hasn't helped the progress either. The dating sites Okcupid and POF both have been a bust, I'm tempted to try Match.com. The problem is the pool of girls around here isn't the largest.
I'm looking for some thoughts on what I should do? I am leaning towards Option #2. I just spoke to a Realtor. The friends problem I believe is going to follow me anywhere, even if I do move to a much larger town. The key from last thread was to get active, and I've just found it unable to get into these groups. It's difficult to find places to sign up for these events, and everyone from work is married and keeps to themselves. It's just frustrating. Nobody asks about things to do and I always have to keep making the effort. I often find myself at the bars on the weekends - and we all know how those are - unproductive. I think the current apartment complex is holding me back - its not easy to get outside and I feel trapped in here.
So...going on 30 years old and I hate to reference this, but you see everyone else and you are like? Wow I'm miles behind them. Granted, my life is stable, but without any human interaction what good is that? You need a emotional release at somepoint or you'll go nuts.
Thanks for listening
Jason
I was going to reply to a older thread I created that had a great deal of comments about my situation.
http://www.eng-tips.com/viewthread.cfm?qid=270677
In the last 4 years - I have taken on a new job that has moved me out into an apartment on my own and into a new city about 3 hours from where I grew up. Things are pretty positive living on my own for 2 years now. However, I'm faced with some tough decisions. I currently have few friends here - still struggling for that aspect. However I am wondering what to do with housing. I have lived in the apartment for 2 years and I'm looking for something different.
Option # 1 - Find Small House to Rent
Option # 2 - Purchase House
Option # 3 - Rent different apartment
Option # 4 - Find new Job / Town - stay put until this happens
I am wondering what option I should do? This job I am at is pretty easy, I get to travel alot, however I am in Dubuque IA which is a smaller town. I am struggling getting adjusted - and I feel like if you were never a local here its hard to get integrated. I've been traveling home a lot to visit family and old friends and I feel that hasn't helped the progress either. The dating sites Okcupid and POF both have been a bust, I'm tempted to try Match.com. The problem is the pool of girls around here isn't the largest.
I'm looking for some thoughts on what I should do? I am leaning towards Option #2. I just spoke to a Realtor. The friends problem I believe is going to follow me anywhere, even if I do move to a much larger town. The key from last thread was to get active, and I've just found it unable to get into these groups. It's difficult to find places to sign up for these events, and everyone from work is married and keeps to themselves. It's just frustrating. Nobody asks about things to do and I always have to keep making the effort. I often find myself at the bars on the weekends - and we all know how those are - unproductive. I think the current apartment complex is holding me back - its not easy to get outside and I feel trapped in here.
So...going on 30 years old and I hate to reference this, but you see everyone else and you are like? Wow I'm miles behind them. Granted, my life is stable, but without any human interaction what good is that? You need a emotional release at somepoint or you'll go nuts.
Thanks for listening
Jason





RE: Work Life Balance (update)
As for activities: clubs, classes, church?
TTFN

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Of course I can. I can do anything. I can do absolutely anything. I'm an expert!
RE: Work Life Balance (update)
32 yr old here in a huge sprawling city we call Phoenix. To be honest, friends, especially good ones, are extremely hard to find anywhere you go - small town or big city.
I was once told that at any given time of your life you will have only 5 people in your life that truly care for you and you can interact with - the rest are just bystanders. Point of this is that you have to find those 5 people and spend time developing the relationship with them and quit spending time with others who don't want to invest time in you. This goes for friends and intimate relationships. Furthermore, these 5 people change throughout your life and could be friends, family, co-workers, etc. Right now two of my 5 are my brother and my mother.
What is your main struggle? Finding relationships or deciding how to be fulfilled at your job at your current location?
I think I understand you because I've often felt the same. I don't have many friends - a point I've often complained about. I do have a relationship but it has it's issues. Everyone at work keeps to themselves. If I do go out, I have to plan all the logistics or it doesn't happen. Heck, sometimes when I look around on, say, Linkedin, I too feel like I'm "behind" in the business world.
But honestly, are you really behind? Is everyone really happy with their friends/social life? Or do we just see what we want to see?
I guess one question to ask yourself is why am I comparing myself to others? Shouldn't the only criteria for happiness be if you are happy? So what if Joey down the street has a house, 2 kids, and never goes outside? If that makes him happy, then awesome. What makes you happy? Take a guess and try it.
Trying whatever you decide won't be pleasant. I've done the whole online-dating thing in the past and I've concluded that it is generally for the birds. In general it is too superficial. You are better off just finding what you like to do and doing it - cliche, but in doing so something/someone will eventually come along. People are busy and generally aren't looking out to make sure your needs are met. I went out to the bar and clubs by myself frequently. Sometimes I talked to people and other times I just sat there. Over time I met people here and there just by saying hello here and there. Not that any of them really ever became in that "special 5" that I mentioned above but they were people who met a need at that time.
Anyways, I'm rambling!
RE: Work Life Balance (update)
RE: Work Life Balance (update)
TTFN

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Of course I can. I can do anything. I can do absolutely anything. I'm an expert!
RE: Work Life Balance (update)
RE: Work Life Balance (update)
First off, Good for you for making some positive changes. Yes, get yourself to another apartment - ask around where the more active places are. Go visit several on a pretty weekend day and see who's out and about.
Consider seeing a counselor. And don't take that as a statement that you're nuts, because it's not meant that way at all. A counselor could help you find some ways to be happier with where you are in life, now.
I totally get the no-one-asking-at-work thing. That sucks, to not feel welcome and included. If it doesn't wear you down, keep being the one that asks others - you could be the only person asking them, and making them feel included.
Go join a basketball team, or the like, to get you together with a group of people that have to talk to you. Church choir. Habitat job site. Humane society volunteer. Something.
Good luck.
Please remember: we're not all guys!
RE: Work Life Balance (update)
As for the whole dating site side of things, don't force it, I know many people myself included that have met people on the exact sites you've listed, just make sure your message relays to them that you have read their profile, ask them a question about one of their hobbies or interests. Remember girls on dating sites get around 20 messages a day if not more, make yours stand out.
RE: Work Life Balance (update)
If you weren't an electrical engineer, I'd say we have something in common and should start an local eng-tips networking get together for the Phoenix-Metro area. But, since you do that other type of engineering, and you probably live on the other side of The Valley, I don't think we can be friends.
(By the way, I still have room in my 5. What you say is quite accurate.)
--Scott
www.wertel.pro
RE: Work Life Balance (update)
RE: Work Life Balance (update)
Find your true love by doing what you truly love.
RE: Work Life Balance (update)
That sounds like a good idea. Far more likely to find the right person - and far more likely to look relaxed, happy (and therefore comfortable to want to spend time with).
A.
RE: Work Life Balance (update)
Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
“Know the rules well, so you can break them effectively.”
-Dalai Lama XIV
RE: Work Life Balance (update)
RE: Work Life Balance (update)
"If you want to acquire a knowledge or skill, read a book and practice the skill".
RE: Work Life Balance (update)
RE: Work Life Balance (update)
It does sound like you are unhappy in your current town. Buying a house would just compound things. Your job is "easy" but does it make you feel alive? Does it excite you? Do you wish you could keep working instead of going home each day? These are important questions. Not everyone can have that ideal/perfect job but if you are not growing in knowledge of some kind, work will become a chore. I've been there. I might suggest you look at www.strengthsfinder.com and really assess who you are, what makes you tick, and try to align your job/career and city of choice with who you are. Best of luck.
RE: Work Life Balance (update)
What do I suggest? Do things that are out of your comfort zone and something different every week. Try something new. Join new social groups and meet different people that are doing things that you ENJOY. Eventually one of them (or more) will stick from each new group and you will have more and more to do. Expanding your social circle is a lot like finding jobs, you aren't going to find one sitting on your couch, you need to get out there a NOT connect about 100 times before you get an interview, then you need to do a few interviews until you find a job prospect. Get out there and make connections.
As far as buying a home... I wouldn't. You aren't changing anything by doing this except making yourself feel like you are more 'progressed' in life. Take the money you were going to use for a downpayment, research some low index cost mutual funds and throw it in there. Then if you want to move down the road, you can do it!
You don't have to make the same life decisions as everyone else to be 'further along' in life. Do it your own way and blaze your own trail. You can still be successful AND different.
-G
RE: Work Life Balance (update)
RE: Work Life Balance (update)
"If you want to acquire a knowledge or skill, read a book and practice the skill".
RE: Work Life Balance (update)
RE: Work Life Balance (update)
Dating is always extremely hard for Males no matter where you are. (Just the modern western world). Just remember woman communicate in an emotional sub-context level when it comes to dating. "I am unemployed and play star craft all day in hopes of going pro, but you look way to nerdy for me so it wouldn't work out between us. Can we just be friends." is a fairly decent pickup line.
Good friends are hard to find. It is hard to make "real" friends at work because it is hard to really express yourself with them. I usually meet friends on meetup.com (accept that generation Y in controlled by their smart phones) and I moved to an apartment with a pool and a volleyball court.
I've got a PHD is Broscience
RE: Work Life Balance (update)