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The danger of comparing oneself to other co-workers
14

The danger of comparing oneself to other co-workers

The danger of comparing oneself to other co-workers

(OP)
Quite often in my career at various companies, I start comparing myself to other co-workers. It typically starts with comparing project loads, or other factors like travel, etc. I find myself thinking that their circumstances are better, maybe they are less overloaded, have to travel less etc.

This is a dangerous mindset, it is always hard to know what other employees are dealing with or why they might seem to get by with doing less etc. In any event, the more i focus on comparing myself to others within my company, the closer I get to leaving a company.


RE: The danger of comparing oneself to other co-workers

Yeah, that mindset can be really septic. A few years before I retired I was in the field most every day. The fleet manager noticed this and issued me a truck. A year later they moved a second Facilities Engineer to the office. He never went to the field at all, but he when to the fleet manager and demanded a truck of his own because I had one. The fleet manager told him that I had a truck because I needed one, he didn't have a truck because you don't get one to go to lunch. The guy went to the District Manager and threw a fit. I lost my truck because this twit thought that I was getting a perk that he wasn't getting. I've been bitter about people not minding their own business ever since.

David Simpson, PE
MuleShoe Engineering

"Belief" is the acceptance of an hypotheses in the absence of data.
"Prejudice" is having an opinion not supported by the preponderance of the data.
"Knowledge" is only found through the accumulation and analysis of data.
The plural of anecdote is not "data"

RE: The danger of comparing oneself to other co-workers

David,

Could have solved that problem when you started sending a bill to the DM for using your car all of the time for field work. winky smile

Dan - Owner
http://www.Hi-TecDesigns.com

RE: The danger of comparing oneself to other co-workers

No insurance they'd accept. Firing offence for taking a personal vehicle to the field. I just really cut back on doing that part of my job and field performance suffered for it.

David Simpson, PE
MuleShoe Engineering

"Belief" is the acceptance of an hypotheses in the absence of data.
"Prejudice" is having an opinion not supported by the preponderance of the data.
"Knowledge" is only found through the accumulation and analysis of data.
The plural of anecdote is not "data"

RE: The danger of comparing oneself to other co-workers

3
Back to the stressed-out OP: At least from your post it doesn't sound like you are doing what David's co-worker did. Those who whine and demand equal treatment when it's not merited are pariahs in the workplace. They sometimes get their comeuppance when they forget to vary their route home each day.

Your attitude is toxic -- but the only one who can change it is you. Unless it's blatant and destructive, I figure that bias and unfairness are two of the things they pay me for, that's how I get by.

Every day I get paid for doing something I don't want to do. Some days it starts with getting out of bed. Some days it doesn't hit until the evening commute home. Some days it's every little stinkin' thing all stinkin' day long. Then again, there's the occasional day that they pay me to sit around and flick my fingers in the air for lengthy periods of time and sit in meetings designing my retirement villa on a sketch pad.

So when I hear that I gotta go to Marigold Mississippi for two months, I might fume for a while. Then I add up my fuming time, multiply it by the hourly equivalent of my salary, and boom! It was worth it. Besides, Marigold is the home of the Blue Plate Diner. I might come home and need a bypass surgery, but I'll come home with memories of great southern home cookin'.

I admit it takes practice to look on the bright side, especially when others around seem to be getting a brighter side than you are. If you can't find a bright side, look at your pay. Then try to leave the dark side there in the office at the end of the day.

Best to you,

Goober Dave

Haven't see the forum policies? Do so now: Forum Policies

RE: The danger of comparing oneself to other co-workers

(OP)
Yeah I need to look at the positives. Fortunately I only complain to my friends, family and wife. I do travel alot, driving alot with my own vehicle. I get mileage for some but not all of my clients. Most importantly I am thankful that when a position was cut recently it wasn't mine!

This week I was little down because of something that happened. Someone in my company screwed up and as a result my schedule had to be changed immediately. I would be more specific about what happened but it'd be my luck that someone would find my venting online haha.

RE: The danger of comparing oneself to other co-workers

Quote:

Fortunately I only complain to my friends, family and wife.

Doesn't sound very fortunate for them! dazed

The correct answer for "how was your day" is "the usual" and then you move on to more pleasant topics. Leave it (all of it) at the office if you can, I know that's not possible when you have to discuss travel schedules so shoot for a time limit, maximum 5 minute rants only.

RE: The danger of comparing oneself to other co-workers

Pah! I saw the thread and assumed it was about intelligence and competence (things I admire in my colleagues). Not just good old envy.

- Steve

RE: The danger of comparing oneself to other co-workers

Everyone I now who went through bankruptcy was overly concerned with the words "fair" and "deserve".

RE: The danger of comparing oneself to other co-workers

Alright, I confess. This is the hugest (most huge???) pet peeve of mine. I hate, loathe, and wish evil upon entitled people. People who cannot mind their own @#$%^&* business and feel it's their duty to somehow formulate their twisted ideal of fairness into everyone elses' lives. Feed'em to the hogs, as my dear departed father used to say.

Having also been an employer and having to deal with people like this, I can say that these are the least valuable people in an organization, and are the first to be weeded out when the opportunity arises. Their drama and high-maintenance attitudes are simply not worth the effort, no matter how skilled they be.

It is better to have enough ideas for some of them to be wrong, than to be always right by having no ideas at all.

RE: The danger of comparing oneself to other co-workers

I found out someone like that came from this country when the main owner liked him and brought him back. I stayed away from that when I found out. Sometimes there are real issues you don't need to bring up. Calm down and work hard. Those that I saw that did that, it worked out for them in the end. Otherwise quite and see what's out there. That's not so easy.

B+W Engineering and Design
Los Angeles Civil Engineer and Structural Engineer
http://bwengr.com | http://bwstructuralengineer.com | http://bwcivilengineer.com

RE: The danger of comparing oneself to other co-workers

(OP)
Sorry i was so negative in my thread. I was just a little down over some things that happen the last few weeks. I was kind of suffering from "the grass is greener on the other side" syndrome. Sometimes I do bring on more problems for myself than my co-workers because I have never been assertive, so I never say no to assignments, etc.

I have only myself to blame, and I don't complain to bosses or even co-workers. If anything I was pointing out how dangerous this mindset is to remind myself to stop engaging in it.

RE: The danger of comparing oneself to other co-workers

EngineerDave - sometimes folks on here get crabby, and assume everyone who comes to let off some steam is a whiny, entitled brat. I didn't hear that in your message - I heard that you're tired, perhaps bored, and perhaps heading for burnout. You're right - it's dangerous.

When I get in that mindset, I work really hard at being grateful for every little thing. For another day to live, a safe house, a safe car, a job, the things that go well at work, food to eat, friends at work or at least pleasant coworkers, family I love and who loves me, you get it. Focus on gratitude and help your attitude shift. Oh - and take your wife out on a nice date, where you don't talk about work AT ALL.

* The doctor is in. 5 cents please. *

RE: The danger of comparing oneself to other co-workers

If you don't compare your situation and pay to what others are getting how do could you price your labor.

It is a free market after all and your attitude should be that of maximizing your earnings and satisfaction
in light of available pay.

However you must maintain your self concept in light of inequalities at work. In other words it is very easy to start
subconsciously doubting yourself in light of unequal circumstances.

Know who you are and what your abilities are and judge whether your situation is a good match for them.

I have has work that was quite a bit less difficult than i was capable of doing and found it difficult to
stay professional. I had to say to myself.. 'fill in the blank' are your qualifications, you can do .......
work, and this job is not at all setting my limits...

Comparison is necessary for a good career, it is also necessary to maintain a solid identity or self concept.

RE: The danger of comparing oneself to other co-workers

true.
hiding the info about your pay from coworkers only benefits your employer.

RE: The danger of comparing oneself to other co-workers

Turn it inward. Look at yourself. Why are other employees treated better? Are they considered more valuable? If so, why? Are you doing everything you can to show your value to the company?

RE: The danger of comparing oneself to other co-workers

Could it be that you are not being adequately assertive about your needs? Lack of assertiveness leads to passive/agressive behavior which mostly harms you. This is something I work on for myself, and I have found assertiveness training to be very helpful.

RE: The danger of comparing oneself to other co-workers

2
slta's advice about gratitude is good for everything, not just work. If there is something you can do to fix a problem, great. With co-workers, there usually isn't.
I try to always remember how lucky I am to be born where I was with the parents I have and the intelligence I have. I didn't do anything to deserve or earn any of those things. There are roughly 6.9 billion people on the planet who are worse off than me, almost all through no fault of their own.

RE: The danger of comparing oneself to other co-workers

Wow, who is the jerk that posted using my handle??? Yikes! Reading through it again, and subsequent post replies, I may have come off a bit differently than I intended. Apologies everyone.

I should clarify that the people I dislike are the ones who are permanently and consistently in the self-entitled mindset, that must introduce their neediness and drama to everyone around them, and conscript everyone within earshot into their own personal support staff. A little comparison and analyzing is certainly normal, for the myriad reasons listed in preceding posts.

There, whew! Open bar on my tab at the Pub for the remainder of the day.

It is better to have enough ideas for some of them to be wrong, than to be always right by having no ideas at all.

RE: The danger of comparing oneself to other co-workers

2
EngineerDave,

I think substantial progress we achieve in life in general comes from overcoming challenges.
I realized myself that one excellent source of challenges is inequalities and unfair treatment.
lets put it that way: It is up to you to make any (even perceived) inequality acting in your favor, by learning even more and striving for quality and professional excellence.
Some people may suspend the laws of nature from acting for sometime, but not all the people can do it all the time.
Ultimately the excellence you build in adverse conditions will help you to get even better and stronger, and from that standpoint challenges are real blessing, but there is a price for it and you must be willing to pay this price.

I am not insulting your intelligence here, and you probably know all that better than me.
Appreciated your posts and your courage to rise the point in an open manner all along this thread.

From a personal experience, I found very difficult to change from inside but more effective to impact your boundaries and see what comes out. And that is why I see no harm in looking around you and observe what is going on...but I suggest you don't complain about it to anybody, even not to your family.

RE: The danger of comparing oneself to other co-workers

2
..In my office people seem to pay attention to who has the nicer seating location, with people who are better-regarded by managers and having higher pay grades generally getting the nicer seats (rooms with doors that close and have windows to the outside, for example). There was a particular guy who was so obsessed with the seating arrangement that he would sit in his manager's office when his manager was out of town, believing that doing so would elevate him in the eyes of others and hasten his promotion to that desk. He normally sat in a walkway-facing cubicle with no direct window access. One of his teammates quit abruptly to go work for a competitor, leaving the window seat next to the office of his boss open. Poor guy was out of the office that day, and while he was out we decided to pull a fast one.

There was a woman, fairly junior on the team, who had left for extended sick leave and had not been seen for months. We decided to give her the fancy seat. Three of us spent about an hour meticulously swapping stuff from her old desk to her new one, and arranging it all so that it looked like she'd been in. We even had a female accomplice write an updated "out of office" message on her new (larger) dry erase board with more current dates on it. We had no sooner finished our work than another individual came walking by and caught the three of us red-handed. He assessed the cubicle briefly, and looked at me. I smirked and asked "well, what do you think?"

The guy absolutely flew off the handle. Apparently he thought HE was in line for that seat. He stomped up and down the hallway cussing up a storm about managers this and no-show good for nothing thats... while the three of us looked at each other like "holy eff, we need to get out of here!" In the end we let him in on the prank to calm him down, and he seemed a little embarrassed (but perhaps not as much as he should have).

On Monday when the intended victim arrived, he didn't even blink and just set about relocating all of the absent employee's stuff back to her old desk, and by lunchtime he had moved in and was sitting with his feet on the desk and a look of utter satisfaction on his face.

Oh well, can't win 'em all ... but at least the unintended victim made it halfway worthwhile.

My desk on the other hand is tucked in deep in a corner, next to the copier room and behind the shred bin. I could take a nap or just not show up at all and most days nobody would even notice. That has its benefits ... but it does get lonely in the corner sometimes and I'll find myself creeping out of the hole to find someone to talk to (everyone else who doesn't have a door has 2-3 neighbors he can see / talk to from his desk), and the cleaning people don't always remember to empty my trash. To paraphrase DRWeig, they pay me well enough to sit in the closet if that's where they want me. I was at a bar having drinks with a project manager the other night, and he made a remark about not being paid enough. I didn't want to tip my hand too much, so I knocked 20% off of my salary and asked whether that's what an engr project manager made in his corner of the office. He laughed and said he was a little under half of that to which I replied "well, everybody has their own things that motivate them" and abruptly changed the subject to the sunset we were watching.



RE: The danger of comparing oneself to other co-workers

Any manager or HR person that thinks that the productivity of those of us who work on analytical stuff is improved by working in a cube farm has got rocks in their head. I once explained to a supervisor who should have known better that an interruption such as a drop-in at the desk was about one or two hours of lost work. I switch email and the phone off quite regularly if I'm having a bit of think, or nutting out a bit of code.

Now I'll admit, if I had an office with a door on it that door would be closed much of the time.

The organisational reason why this inefficiency is tolerated/ignored/encouraged is that (a) my time is not greatly respected and/or (b) a large part of my job is those drop-in conversations may be a one or two hour hit for me, but may save the other guy a day. And for communication I agree face to face is better than WebEx is better than phone is better than email is better than my wiki where all my results and reports are stored.

I hope it is (b).

Cheers

Greg Locock


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RE: The danger of comparing oneself to other co-workers

Mike,

Every place I've ever worked at would look down (heavily) on someone relocating themselves... it's akin to pushing the body out before it gets cold. The manager makes seat/office assignments. They'd certainly appreciate the joke you attempted to pull off, but once that guy moved in of his own accord, they would have quietly asked him to pack his crap up and get back to his original desk... along with a silent black mark in the asshat category that would follow him for years.

Dan - Owner
http://www.Hi-TecDesigns.com

RE: The danger of comparing oneself to other co-workers

The whole "cubicle versus office" thing has been companies' classic demarcation line between "bourgeoisie and proletariat" for as long as I can remember. I used to drive myself nuts thinking that because I was stuck in a cube I was just a low-life in the eyes of "important" people in offices. Then I started running projects and got myself an office, only to find that most of my work day was spent in other project team members' cubes helping them with stuff. Every time I got a phone call or people were looking for me, I had to be paged over the intercom to return to my office.

Still, the stigma remains. I would have a real tough time feeling good about myself or proud of what I do for a living if I got stuffed back into a cubicle. I have come to the conclusion that, in companies like that, engineers get cubes and MBAs get offices. That allows me to draw comfort by focusing on the alternative stigma.

RE: The danger of comparing oneself to other co-workers

--the nicer seats (rooms with doors that close and have windows to the outside, for example)

those are not the nicer seats. at least if it's a single person room.
at least for us here in europe.

RE: The danger of comparing oneself to other co-workers

wait... you're saying you prefer to NOT have a window? I sure wouldn't mind being able to watch planes coming and going from the airport, or ponder the traffic on the highway once in a while. My office is on the 10th floor of a building which is the tallest for several miles in each direction, so the view ain't bad if you've got it.

RE: The danger of comparing oneself to other co-workers

ivymike
The windows side of my office has a very nice view on a swimming pool with lot of bikini.
Only managers can seat there

RE: The danger of comparing oneself to other co-workers

More Bikini Admirers.

Just sayin...

RE: The danger of comparing oneself to other co-workers

I personally don't care how others work or what type of office they have, as long as they act mature and do their jobs.
Some laughter often is good, but keep it professional.
I prefer mid-size companies, not as much BS as small companies or politics/bureaucracy in large companies.

Chris
SolidWorks 13
ctopher's home
SolidWorks Legion

RE: The danger of comparing oneself to other co-workers

Quote ("it is always hard to know what other employees are dealing with or why they might seem to get by with doing less etc. ")


It’s hard for a reason. Comparing yourself and assuming things like they do less work etc. is the same thing as judging them. It’s no different than being the gossip around the coffee pot. (Did you notice ‘so and so’ is always late … bla bla bla)

You are right – you don’t know what they are dealing with, and if they don’t perform change will happen so enough.

Being aware that you do this is a great step to stopping. Getting your own work done and not worrying about others will advance you faster, and I guarantee you will be happier working in the first place.

Sorry if I sould like I am scolding, but I am tired of the judging without knowledge. I know - I used to do it and started hating work. Now I worry about my own work, get it done and get noticed for doing so. Makes everybody happy.


www.Exlar.com


RE: The danger of comparing oneself to other co-workers

Quote:

Quite often in my career at various companies, I start comparing myself to other co-workers. It typically starts with comparing project loads, or other factors like travel, etc. I find myself thinking that their circumstances are better, maybe they are less overloaded, have to travel less etc.

This means you don't have enough work to do or you are board with your job.

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