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Specifications we should all use

Specifications we should all use

Specifications we should all use

(OP)
         BIDDING - ADDITIONAL REQUIREMENTS

Section 1A - The Truth
The requirements of Division 01 and of those documents under bidding requirements and conditions of the contract and anything else we don't think looks good here is null and void. If you know what's good for you, you'd read this real close (meaning the contractor).

1.1

The work we did is clearly showed in the attached plans and specifications. Our engineer, whose had plenty of college, spent one hell of a lot of time when he drawed up these here plans and specifications, but nobody can think of everything.

Once your bid is in - that's it, brother. From then on, anything wanted by our engineer, or any of his friends, or anybody else (except the contractor) shall be considered as showed, specified or implied and shall be provided by the contractor without no expense to nobody, but himself (meaning the contractor).

1.2

If the work is did without no expense to the contractor, then the work will be took down and did again until the extra expense to the contractor is satisfactory to our engineer.

1.3

Our engineer's plans is right as drawed. If sumthin is drawed wrong, it shall be discovered by the contractor, corrected, and did right at no extra expense to us. It won't cut no ice with us or our engineer if you point out any mistakes our engineer has drawed. If you do, it will be one hell of a long time before you do any more work for us or him (meaning the engineer).

1.4

The contractor is not supposed to make fun of our engineer, his plans, or the kind of work we're having did. If he does, it's just too bad for him (meaning the contractor).

1.5

Any contractor walking around the jobs with a smile on his face is subject to the review of his bid.

1.6

If the contractor don't find all our engineer's mistakes before he bids the job, or if the contractor ain't got enough sense to know that our engineer is going to think up a bunch of new stuff that's going to have to be did before the job is complete, then it's just too bad for him (meaning the contractor).


END OF SECTION



 

RE: Specifications we should all use

I've seen this before... quite a while ago... it's a hoot! Actually I was looking for it to show somebody a little while back, and couldn't find it. Thanks for posting it. It's back in my arsenal.

RE: Specifications we should all use

Except when you work for the contractor then we go to the short form spec:  "On time, under budget, to spec ... pick any two."

RE: Specifications we should all use

Along the same lines as CTSeng, a coworker has a sign that says:
Fast, Cheap or Accurate - You can have any two.

RE: Specifications we should all use

A long time ago, I saw this in the Colorado version of the Dodge reports.  Only in the original, it uniformly referred to "spesserfactions".

RE: Specifications we should all use

Along these lines, look up the "Code of Abibarshim".  Also worth the read.
Thanks!
 

Steven Fahey, CET

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