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How can I deal with a harrassing boss
13

How can I deal with a harrassing boss

How can I deal with a harrassing boss

(OP)
I am stressed to the limits. I no longer feel like going to work everyday as I get a sick feeling in my stomach as I approach work. I constantly get butterflies in my stomach as I  head to my boss' office knowing that no matter how good my reports are, I will be criticized for every single detail. I have started losing focus and concentration at work as I am beginning to feel unmotivated due to the bullying. I keep telling myself I still dont have my PEng so I need to suck it up and get the experience, but how long can I do this for when I feel I am getting depressed and losing sleep? I know others working for the same boss receive similar treatment but I don't feel that they want to take action as they are afraid to speak up.

I am a contractor so I am not sure how much Human Resources at the company can do for me but my headhunter doesnt seem to be doing much as all he is concerned about is his bottom line.

Any tips?

RE: How can I deal with a harrassing boss

Not worth it, quit!

Your health and sanity are more important than any job. Talk to him or his boss, tell them that your boss' behavior is not acceptable and that if it does not stop immediately you quit. If it does not, quit!

Labor laws protect you, but it would probably be difficult to prove.

 

RE: How can I deal with a harrassing boss

Headhunter won't do much of anything if you are already placed at one of his clients.

Assuming your work really is good, the only thing you can change is your reaction to your boss.  Try a subtle but persistent offense.  Don't just dump finished reports on him.  Keep hitting him up to see what his expectations du jour are, and make a point of showing you understand and meet them.

It may be hard to keep a poker face, but the last thing that will help is showing you are hurt.  People like him feed on that.

Start networking internally as much as you can, especially upwards (boss's peers & supervisor).  You may learn some interesting and useful things.

RE: How can I deal with a harrassing boss

2
Treat him as a mentor, not a tormentor.

Next time you get together to review a report, take a notebook along and jot down all the criticisms. Ask him how he would have handled every detail he criticises and write down his suggestions.

If asked why you are taking notes, smile and tell him your new goal in life is to produce a report he can't criticise.

Keep track of how many details he dislikes and let him know when the number drops. "Wow, only 23 problems this time. I'm getting better ... or your getting softer."

Meantime, keep your eyes and ears open for another position elsewhere.
 

RE: How can I deal with a harrassing boss

If it truly is bullying, he'll cross the line at some point.  One of two approaches is effective:

(1) For a "salvageable jerk", set him up to cross the line, and then graciously let him off the hook when he does.  He'll probably treat you differently from then on.
(2) For a complete "jerk", tell him that the next time he mistreats you, he will find himself through the window and splattered on the pavement like manure from a tall cow.

I have done both.  Both have worked, but you have to have a pretty good read on the bully in order to decide which is the more likely to be effective.

Regards,

SNORGY.

RE: How can I deal with a harrassing boss

Whoa, there, Bunky.

If you're a CONTRACTOR,

and the work/abuse is COMING HOME IN YOUR BELLY,

well, then, YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG.


When the Boss Ogre starts ranting, you just stop what you're doing, smile pleasantly, and listen to what he has to say, for as long as he wants to yell/talk.  When he stops, smile more, and say 'thank you'.

He will probably ask why you so perversely thanked him for yelling at you.  Respond that it's easier than actual work, AND HE IS PAYING YOU FOR IT.  You don't need to speak the emphasis.


The other way to deal with it is to call in and take a day off, "Because THE VOICES told me to stay home and CLEAN MY GUNS".  Again, the emphasis is for your benefit; you can speak very quietly.



 

Mike Halloran
Pembroke Pines, FL, USA

RE: How can I deal with a harrassing boss

(OP)
Yeah even with corrections, he still finds things to bother me about. I am considering quitting the position but want to start an intensive job hunt before doing that as the job market is still not 100%.

I need to do this for the sake of my sanity cuz no one should be afraid to approach their boss or go to work each day.

RE: How can I deal with a harrassing boss

The most dangerous warrior is the one who does not fear death.  If you are not worried about losing your job, you can stop worrying about how you lose your job.  I'm not saying to literally go down swinging, but do stand up for yourself.

I had a situation a few years ago, similar but not as severe.  I was a contractor dealing with a boss who was not competent to be an engineering manager (he was a shop supervisor who assumed engineering manager spot when real one quit).  I told my agency I was not happy with the unprofessional treatment.  They understood and supported my effort to correct the situation, even if it meant "the worst".

RE: How can I deal with a harrassing boss

So, the first thing you need to do is to make sure that when you correct a report the first time you don't have to do it again. That means he has to agree to the list of corrections he gave you to do.

 

Cheers

Greg Locock


New here? Try reading these, they might help FAQ731-376: Eng-Tips.com Forum Policies  http://eng-tips.com/market.cfm?

RE: How can I deal with a harrassing boss

As a contractor you're paid to be there, be treated like a leper, and take a lot of guff from a lot of people.  Been there, hated it.  Nowadays my attitude towards that is more like a consultant:  I'll be your whipping boy, but you'll pay me handsomely for the priviledge.

If you're youngish, then relax and believe this:  being fired ain't so bad, you'll get through it just fine.

On the other hand, "harassment" is one of today's society's Carcinogenic Keywords.  I was harassed badly at one time by a boss all considered to be Satan's stepchild.  Stressed me out terribly for a variety of reasons.  Then I went to the HR Weasel and sobbed my story about my disabled kid, constant negative actions by Beelzebub, what have I done wrong, excellent performance reviews, etc.  I told HR Weasel " 'harassment' is a very strong word, but I am ready to start using it".  BINGO, DirtBag was severely reprimanded and packed off the following week to a "how to be a better manager" class.  Any time that twit even looked at me funny from then on, off I went to HR Weasel and off DirtBag went to class again.  Problem solved.

Carcinogenic Keywords to use sparingly:  'harassment' and 'hostile workplace' .  The HR Weasels of the world will dive for cover when they hear them because it means "lawsuit".

TygerDawg
Blue Technik LLC
Virtuoso Robotics Engineering
www.bluetechnik.com

RE: How can I deal with a harrassing boss

4
One method I've used is stuttering. Drives people crazy. One unpleasant bunghole I worked for used to go up the wall when it took three minutes to stutter " yyyyyy...yyy.... okay". I had to watch Porky Pig alot to get it right. He avoided me for over a year until I told him I quit.

Eating flatulant foods is another approach. That one's tricky, some people like it.
That one never seemed to work with lawyers.

Like Mel the Diner said, the best defense is an offense. If you can be odious enough to avoid personal contact, then he will avoid you. Consider excessive scratching, frequently blowing your nose, phantom hand or leg syndrome, things stuck to your teeth, keep limburger cheese in your shirt pocket, etc, then tell him he's your role model. Be creative. Laugh at inappropriate times and tell him you have a family history of Tourette's. If you have to talk, go off on endless, pointless stories, the more boring and pointless, the better. I'd recommend watching Porky Pig and Grandpa Simpson for a while to get pointers.


 

RE: How can I deal with a harrassing boss

Vancouverman,
Amazon has a book for about $10.00 us

How to Work for an Idiot: Survive & Thrive-- Without Killing Your Boss [Paperback]
John Hoover  

 I would recommend it, I found it most useful some 20 years ago,dealing with a similar situation.

B.E.

RE: How can I deal with a harrassing boss

You shouldn't be conerned about juming around a bit. It will not affect your application with APEG. I had four jobs on my experience report, and one of them was for two years under a non P.Eng supervisor. Make sure you keep a contact for your refrences on your P.Eng application.

First you need to figure out if this is your fault or your bosses. Then either fix your performance, or quit.

RE: How can I deal with a harrassing boss

2
The OP appears to focus on the review of documents.

There is only one thing that you can change and that is how you deal with the situation. Treat the reviews / comments as advice. I have had reports come back to me covered in red. I have had others come back and not even simply spellos corrected. Which one is better for me, the company and the client?

Sometimes I look at what I have written and what appears to be a slightly different way the checker has written it, and think whats the point, why have they wasted their and my time.  But as I have become the checker, I see some sentences that are written that are verbose and  confusing, and how a simple rewrite to solve the problem is clearly obvious to me. And guess what, reviewers do not see everything the first time, or even the second.

If writing is a problem, read a style manual and a technical writing guide. Learn the basic rules (e.g. one to twelve written, spaces before units, capital first letter for days and months, avoid unnecessary abbreviations and contractions, correct unit symbols). Always use run the spelling and grammar checker. ALWAYS self check I mean ALWAYS.  

RE: How can I deal with a harrassing boss

Every time the boss comes in your office turn on the Doors "The End".  If that doesn't work then just start singing it yourself when you're around him.

RE: How can I deal with a harrassing boss

One big difference between university and work is how your reports come back.  At university you get a grade and it's over.  At work you get the red pen and it's not over until the boss/checker likes it.

I give my texts to random people and appreciate their suggestions, be they content or style based.

- Steve

RE: How can I deal with a harrassing boss

In my experience with these types of bosses, CorBlimy's advice works best.  It disarms them and puffs up their egos that you are really listening to their criticism.  Eventually they see you as very smart because you seem to appreciate what they say.

If nothing else, use this as an opportunity to improve your technical writing skills.  Most engineers, young and old, could benefit from improvement in this area.    

RE: How can I deal with a harrassing boss

You could try eating a big messy sandwich while sitting casually on the edge of HIS desk while he reviews your report.  Appear to be really enjoying the sandwich, and ask him to repeat each point he makes several times.  When finished, say "you didn't want any did you?", leave the sandwich wrapper on his desk, and excuse yourself, explaining that you left your drink at your desk, in the fridge, whatever.  At least that way, you won't be hungry on your way to the recruiter to find a better job.

Seriously though, this is something nearly every person on this forum has had to deal with before.  It comes down to your definition of what is the threshhold of acceptability of these issues in the workplace.  I think it was said by another poster, these people feed on being able to parade their subordinates around in mad little circles.  If you're able, ramp up your domineering side, and counter some of the bullying. Just my 2 cents.

RE: How can I deal with a harrassing boss

I feel CorBlimey's advise is best as well. However, as a contractor from a fellow contractor, you could always fall back on the "Contractor's Creed", the Three C's

Chaos Creates Cash

Then update the reports with a smile on your face.

Mike
 

RE: How can I deal with a harrassing boss

Where's the bullying?  I've known people that got bullied at work, and you haven't presented anything that really qualifies.

I spent a year or two where my main task was checking other folks work.  Sometimes there'd be a lot of red pencil on them.  Sometimes they'd have to go round the loop quite a few times - usually because people hadn't incorporated the changes properly or had introduced new errors or sometimes I maybe hadn't been quite clear in what I wanted.  Occasionally I changed my mind on something after I'd seen it properly incorporated.

Are you sure your reports are really that good when you give them to him?  I've received drawings from experienced folks that were shocking and ended up covered in red.  I've got drawings from interns that barely had any.  Just because you've been doing it a while doesn't mean you're doing it the way it needs to be done for your current 'customer'.

As a contractor, you get paid the same to erase something and re-write it as you did to write it the first time so what's the issue?

Posting guidelines FAQ731-376: Eng-Tips.com Forum Policies http://eng-tips.com/market.cfm? (probably not aimed specifically at you)
What is Engineering anyway: FAQ1088-1484: In layman terms, what is "engineering"?

RE: How can I deal with a harrassing boss

Have someone else look at your work and the comments from your reviews.  Need to determine if your boss is correct technically before you choose your course of action.

RE: How can I deal with a harrassing boss

Sometimes older bosses like to get their employees pissed off or riled up to get them to work harder.  You need to find a way to let him know that that's not how you work.  If he yells at or offends you, call in sick the next day (no more than once/month)... Let him pay for it.  When he's quiet and subdued and away from you, work hard.  Whenever he acts bad you act bad in return.  This is a team environment, you are all on equal levels.  You are doing all the work, not him.  If he impedes your work then HE will have to suffer, not you.

Eventually he'll figure out how you should be managed.  If he doesn't then that's his loss not yours.  Enjoy his money. enjoy life.  Don't let him get to you.   

RE: How can I deal with a harrassing boss

Sorry atlengpe your post appears to be very childish/unprofessional/gen y "if he offends you, call in sick the next day". Seems like a one way ticket to not having the contract renewed.

My suggestion is learn how to manage your manager and take responsibility for your own actions

RE: How can I deal with a harrassing boss

I'm not sure about your experience, tickle, but I think I'm in a good position to offer advice.  I just got my PE in Dec. after dealing with a harassing boss for several years so that I could get my PE. It's been almost a year and I'm still emotionally somewhat damaged from the experience.  I see a lot more posts like this from engineers than I do in many other professions.  

The OP shouldn't be thinking in terms of PE.  The licensing requirements have really jaded this profession severely.  I spent several years dealing with the anguish of my boss so I could take some stupid test that I passed first time, and I'm still waiting on the benefits of my PE.  

But I recommend the OP have 10-20K saved up or other prospects before he does anything that could get him fired and not qualify for unemployment assistance. IF you are lucky, like I was, you will be laid off for the economy.  It was the best day of my life for the past 5 years.

One might argue "but he's learning more"  That's also B.S. I learned 10X more under a previous boss in 25% of the time because we got along and had a mutual respect.
  

RE: How can I deal with a harrassing boss

I have more experience than altengpe, and have worked for numerous managers, some of their actions and behaviours are great and some atrocious. Each have different strengths and weaknesses, meaning that there is always something to learn from them. I am now in a management position. Also my wife is a psychologist who has offered sage advise on how to manage and how to react/cope. One of my favorite comments from her is - you can only change how you react.

Sorry, taking a sicky when somebody shouts at you does not solve the problem, it will still be there when you go back to work (if the job is still there). Behaving in a tit for tat manner is unprofessional and what I would expect from my six year old.

RE: How can I deal with a harrassing boss


Next time you are in front him look at part of his face with a very worried look. Appear not to be listening to him Ask him directly if he is OK. Grab his wrist and feel his pulse shaking your head. Let him know you studied medicine before becoming an engineer. That you are worried as his eye is twitching and you relative died recently from stress.

Phone his wife and tell her you are concerned about his mental health.

Let others fight your battle. you are elaving anyway so waht do you care. Have some fun.

RE: How can I deal with a harrassing boss

Go get a Master's Degree.  Counts for 1 year of PE experience and you learn a lot more than you will as a contractor for an angry boss.

Hydrology, Drainage Analysis, Flood Studies, and Complex Stormwater Litigation for Atlanta and the South East - http://www.campbellcivil.com

RE: How can I deal with a harrassing boss

"Sorry, taking a sicky when somebody shouts at you does not solve the problem, it will still be there when you go back to work (if the job is still there). Behaving in a tit for tat manner is unprofessional and what I would expect from my six year old. "

Who said anything about solving a problem?  The damage is done already.  As long as you are being PAID for sick days then take them.  I highly doubt that your six year old has to put up with the same abuse as the OP.... well that's just my ASSUMPTION:)

 

RE: How can I deal with a harrassing boss

Oh, maybe you think that because he's a "PE" and "more experienced" he's better?  BFFF... THAT's the problem with this profession.  People are so out of whack and outdated and don't understand the real business world today.  

ANY profession where years of experience is your qualification is a dead profession and doesn't represent the capitalist market at all if you've bothered to LOOK at the economy ever.
 

RE: How can I deal with a harrassing boss

Atl
I don't think giving advice based on your own bitterness towards your previous employer is really of any benefit.

I used to work for a Japanese company and my Japanese boss once gave me a bit of advice from their culture which I find to be of great value.

"It takes two to fight"

Maybe that can help you.

RE: How can I deal with a harrassing boss

I'll remember that one on 7 December.

It may take two to fight, but if you don't defend yourself, it's not a fight, it's an azzwhupping.

RE: How can I deal with a harrassing boss

atlengpe

"If he yells at or offends you, call in sick the next day"

I thought that this advice was given on the assumption that as a contractor the OP wouldn't be paid for sick days.

As you have now clarified that the expectation is that the OP will be paid, your advice is basically a recommendation to STEAL.  

RE: How can I deal with a harrassing boss

vancouverman,

I cannot comment very intelligently on your situation because I have never worked for an unreasonable boss so perhaps I do not understand your dilemma.  I believe you have received some very good advice and some very bad advice so far on this forum.  

My suggestion to you is to examine the documents you present for your boss's approval.  If his criticism is unfair, tell him so, in no uncertain terms.  If his criticism is valid, do not be afraid to admit to that either.  If he is any kind of a man, he will respect you for it.

Strive to improve the quality of your work, but if you are convinced that there is nothing you can do to satisfy his requirements, then look for another job.

BA

RE: How can I deal with a harrassing boss

The real obvious solution is to marry a castrating, nagging, argumentative and ugly hag of a woman. That way work would be a relief and you'll never want to go home.

RE: How can I deal with a harrassing boss

It may take two to fight but it takes one to win.

There is no place in the work place for bullies. Go over his head but be prepared to accept the consequences. Your future there is doomed in any event but you might get some action that would prevent it happening again to some other poor unfortunate person.

As a contractor you have mobility but you dont have the protection that an employee may have. You also have self respect. Your call whether you stand up for yourself and tell the boss he is a bully. Bullies are cowards that is why they behave as they do. It is to make up for their own inferiority.

RE: How can I deal with a harrassing boss

Wow, this one has legs, and the OP hasn't even made a clear case that they're being bullied.

The OP made a case that the boss was somewhat demanding in the quality he demands and perhaps nit-picky.

However, that in itself is far from bullying.

Has the boss threatened you?

Has he insulted you or the like?

Certainly doesn't sound like he singles you out for this behavior.

Maybe it's more a case of a micro-manager than a bully.

Posting guidelines FAQ731-376: Eng-Tips.com Forum Policies http://eng-tips.com/market.cfm? (probably not aimed specifically at you)
What is Engineering anyway: FAQ1088-1484: In layman terms, what is "engineering"?

RE: How can I deal with a harrassing boss

Critising without constructive help is a form of bullying however subtle. If someone is not delivering up to a standard you teach them.

The original posting was from someone who is "stressed out". If the poster is totally incapable the best advice would be to show them the door. A reality check that may enable them to change their career and do something else.

What ever the facts the matter needs to be brought to head and not left to fester.

RE: How can I deal with a harrassing boss

Just read the bit about taking a "sickie and getting paid for it". Doesnt sound like a contractor to me. This is a pseudo employee. Beware the tax man!

Best advice is from BAretired.

RE: How can I deal with a harrassing boss

As somebody who manages other engineers, I can only say that some grads are pretty awful at taking on board suggestions for improvement, and you need to understand that you are asking him to take responsibilty for your work, he is there for a reason and therefore you have to produce work to his standard. If I have people who persist in making my job harder than it needs to be, I refuse to work with them.

Im sure he would have got rid of you if you were that bad, but it seems to me that ypu need to take heed of what he says a little more, I can assure you he does not want to be red penning reports time after time.

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