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Work / Life Balance
12

Work / Life Balance

Work / Life Balance

(OP)
Hello,
I am a 25 yr old Engineer with a Bachelors employed for 4 years so far. The company I work for is decent, but I don't find the work all that interesting and I'm basically stuck doing the same thing for the next 10 years +.  I am still living in my parents basement - although I do pay them rent it is not much.

My life outside of work is in bad shape right now. I've got two real friends I hang out with. One has a degree and one doesnt. I do not know any females - the ones I used to know have all disappeared along with other friends to different states. Right now the weeks keep churning and all I do is go to work and the gym and sleep. How can this be changed? Is life really this dull outside of work until retirement?
Now its not all doom and gloom I'm sure I've got it better than a LOT of people in life but its still frustrating and depressing most of the time. Any reccomendations?

Thank You.

RE: Work / Life Balance

If you go to the gym look for postings for sports or other activities where groups are looking for members.  Join whatever activity that interest you.  In fact, join several and once you get a feel for everyone decide which is for you.

In a lot of communities there are church clubs, social clubs and groups with hobbies.  Alternately look up a hobby on the internet that is of interest to you.  Perhaps remote controlled cars or aeroplanes.  Fishing and hunting are popular activities enjoyed by groups or pairs.

Enjoy a sports game, big league or amateur, with a friend.  

Travelling is also another alternate.  It doesn't have to be an extravagent trip but could be one or two hours away to see different things.

Good luck.

 

Regards,
Qshake
pipe
Eng-Tips Forums:Real Solutions for Real Problems Really Quick.
 

RE: Work / Life Balance

I would also recommend moving from your parents' house and into an apartment complex.  That's a great opportunity to meet more people.  Good luck!

RE: Work / Life Balance

I was in almost the same situation when I got out of school. I was in a small apartment rather than my parents' basement. I didn't have many friends and didn't do much but work for almost 6 years until I met my current wife. I tell her, that if she had not come along, I probably would have died in that little apartment, sad and alone laying on top of a pile of cash about 4 feet high (1.2 meters).  But, thanks to her, I am no longer sad or alone and don't have the burden of that bothersome pile of money.  Move out on your own.  Get involved in other activities. Join a baseball team. Join Toastmasters.  Take a vacation to a warm location with a beach.  Find some activities that put you into contact with men and women and you are bound to find more friends and the right girl to settle down with. Hang in there.

Johnny Pellin

RE: Work / Life Balance

Sounds very familiar, but I wasn't living at home.  Your mom is probably pushing you meet a "daughter of a friend," etc.  I took up my mother's suggestion, and it worked like a champ.  Married for 17 yrs now...

TTFN

FAQ731-376: Eng-Tips.com Forum Policies

RE: Work / Life Balance

Imagine how many others are in the same situation?

Definitely leave the parents' basement.  Cut the apron strings and get out on your own- forget about the money.

Try on-line dating.  Talk about "dating" myself- I met my wife through a telephone predecessor of that kind of thing.  I went from meeting maybe one date-worthy girl a year to meeting one a week.  I was working in small companies where the majority of my co-workers were guys, and she was new to the city and working in a female-dominated profession where there were a few guys, but all of them were gay...We'd have never met otherwise, and it's been 15 happy years.  

Working too much is an easy thing to get out of:  just say no.  Work your core hours and a REASONABLE amount of O/T when it's truly required, and say no to the rest, otherwise your work/life balance problem will become a self-fulfilling prophecy:  it's not possible to have a life when all you do is work!  Right now you're probably filling in what's missing from the rest of your life with work just to keep yourself busy.  There's only one way to stop, and that's to stop.

Best of luck-  keep your chin up, things do get better if you don't just let them happen to you.    
 

RE: Work / Life Balance

Go back to grad school, that could easily solve both of your problems; open up future career possibilities and maybe meet a coed.


 

RE: Work / Life Balance

peterso2:

Don't wait as long as I did to find this out:

Work isn't what I "do".  Work is only what I do to pay for what I "do".

Regards,

SNORGY.

RE: Work / Life Balance

4
If you want a life you will have to go in search of one. Life will not find you ... but Death will no matter where you hide.

Life is too busy to go searching for others to join its fun. If you want Life to be a part of your existence, you will have to go in search of it.

Death, on the other hand will seek you out no matter which basement or gym you hide in.
 

RE: Work / Life Balance

Look on the bright side: at least you have two "real" friends that you hang out with.  I moved to a new COUNTRY for work and have a lot of people that I know but no real friends that I hang out with despite the fact that I'm involved in quite a few activities.

What about your co-workers?  What do they do?  Do you get along with them?  Do you have anything in common with them?  Most of the peole I know that have lots of friends met most of them through work (apparently its also a part of the network building process).

What about the professional organizations in your area?  They might have people your age that you have things in common with.  You could get involved in those activities (also a part of the network building process).

I agree with Snorgy; work should be what you do so you can really do what you like to do.  The key is to find a passion and run with it.  It's important to have something to look forward to.  I know that gets me through the work week.  

To meet females you have to get involved in things females are typically involved in.  You might not like some of those things but find a balance.

RE: Work / Life Balance

I too was in a similar situation.  I got involved in coaching sports and I love it.  You have no idea how intense coaching can be until you actually do it.  It was a great break from work.

I also did a few other things, and eventually I managed to put together a pretty decent social life.  It does take time though.  I'm not sure if you're living in the same city you went to high school in, but that can make things tough.

One thing I might suggest, instead of a doing grad school, take some courses at a community college that are hands on that might help you get a job more suited for you.  They often don't have the same homework aspect as a graduate eng course.  It'll get you out of the house, you'll meet people and it would add something to your resume.

RE: Work / Life Balance

A couple of years ago I joined a ski club and met my future husband on the very first trip. It was a weekend bus trip to Vermont.  As I stepped onto the bus, there was a cooler of beer, loads of snacks, and a bunch of friendly people.  I wondered why I waited so long to do this!  And our club also has non-ski activities like happy hours and white water rafting.  So much fun!  

I highly recommend it if you live anywhere near ski country.   

RE: Work / Life Balance

If you're looking for a way to get out and meet people, check out meetup.com.  Depending on where you live there could be many groups and a good chance to find other people who share your interests.

RE: Work / Life Balance

Get out of your parents' house.  Most women your age find that a turn-off.

RE: Work / Life Balance

Dating/social skills advice is a bit outside the scope of this site.  Suffice to say that life outside work is pretty much what you make of it.

I know a few folks that met their significant other in that most classic of places - a bar.  While taken too far it can go horribly wrong, alcohol does tend to lower inhibitions a little which can help introverted folks speak to the pretty girl at the other end of the bar...

As to work, there are plenty of vaguely relevant threads around here, take a look.

Maybe a new job, perhaps in a new location, will be the jolt you need not just for work but your social life too.

Posting guidelines FAQ731-376: Eng-Tips.com Forum Policies http://eng-tips.com/market.cfm? (probably not aimed specifically at you)
What is Engineering anyway: FAQ1088-1484: In layman terms, what is "engineering"?

RE: Work / Life Balance

Now is an excellent time to buy a condo or "starter home".  Mortgage rates are about as low as they have ever been.

Or, get an apartment in a large complex.  I bet they'll have a single woman or two, maybe even a singles club.

As for social activities, go after what you like or what you think you might like.  Racing, dancing, church, skiing, scuba diving, volunteering, coaching (lot of single Moms out there), etc.

The key is get up off the coach and do something (even if it is wrong).

Good luck,
Latexman

RE: Work / Life Balance

Yes, definitely get up off the coach, and the pair of you get up off the couch and get outside. There's a great big world waiting to be explored.

Remember Work to live, don't live to work.

RE: Work / Life Balance

Maybe get a cat.

RE: Work / Life Balance

This isn't a dating board - but I'll help a brother out.

If you find an opening in local government - go for it. It's where I, and a lot of other engineers, married well above our own looks. tons and tons of hotties work for local government. same in every state i've been in.

not an option? hit the clubs. as for work - it's always going to suck. sorry to disappoint.

RE: Work / Life Balance

I would do anything to get the ball rolling: church, volunteer work, join a club sport, etc...  anything to get you talking to people and doing things...  once you start doing stuff good things will happen

RE: Work / Life Balance

You've got to be a little unpredictable and erratic to attract women.  Be available, but not too available.  Frequently step out for mysterious phone conversations.  You gotta be always be makin' moves.  Be sullen. Sometimes you just want to taste the ice cream, not buy a gallon.

pimp Keep that pimp hand strong, brother. pimp

RE: Work / Life Balance

Its funny how he made ONE reference to females and all of a sudden this became a dating advice thread..lol!!  When I was in that situation (still am even though I'm dating now so what does that tell you), women were the least of my concerns to be honest.  At least the OP has family in the same city so there's some support structure in place.

RE: Work / Life Balance

If it was dating advice he wanted, I would've recommended the potato trick (note: potato goes in front).

RE: Work / Life Balance

peterso2, perhaps you could clarify what you want recommendations on.

If you want recommendations on what to do about your job/career then you may need to give a bit more information to get useful feedback.

Not having much of a social life can be a boon to a career as it means you don't feel you're missing out on anything and are willing to become a workaholic.  However, I'd doubt many of us would suggest this is the optimum life balance.

If you want recommendations on how to improve your social/love life, well this site may not be the best source of advice.

While I'm somewhat from the stiff upper lip/pull your socks up camp when it comes to these types of things, depression is a recognized medical condition - perhaps you should seek some professional help.

Posting guidelines FAQ731-376: Eng-Tips.com Forum Policies http://eng-tips.com/market.cfm? (probably not aimed specifically at you)
What is Engineering anyway: FAQ1088-1484: In layman terms, what is "engineering"?

RE: Work / Life Balance

If you want some excitement, you can pay my bills for me.

=)

RE: Work / Life Balance

I had a similar situation a few years ago when i graduated.
Went to work, met up with friends after work, went home and slept. went fishing etc on weekends with friends. Did that for about 3 years then met a great girl (She was a trainee back then) at work and I'm still together with her now. been almost 3 years.
However, i still find myself thinking about work a lot. In fact i am always up to solving some long standing problem from the past when i was still in school. This involves plenty of reading - technical articles, papers, engineering books etc. I generally refuse OT unless absolutely necessary. yet i find myself working when i have nothing better to do which is probable not too healthy.
but i also play soccer, squash and tennis. I even play guitar and started a band for a while. i also started repairing my car for myself.
anyways, the point is that if you think a female is the only element required to brighten up your life, think again.
Don't wait for life to happen, make it happen. take chances, try new things. living is personal, nobody can do it for you.
At least that's what i'm doing and i'm ok at least for now. i'd still like to think about work less though. hope this helped.  

RE: Work / Life Balance

relentlessratt

You don't have to feel guilty about enjoying problem solving, even if it overlaps with your work.
Hopefully every engineer went into engineering because they enjoyed it.

RE: Work / Life Balance

apsix,
I don't feel guilty. In fact there aren't many things i like doing more that problem solving. But sometimes, i envy some person's ability to forget work, after work. I just enjoy it too much and i've always been this way. even before i had an engineering degree. Most of what i do is really for my own personal satisfaction.
anyways, this thread is about peterso2 and his concerns.
I hope these discussions are helping him in some way.
 

RE: Work / Life Balance

I and the same age and been working the same time.

I moved to a different city. Although I was lucky enough to have my collage gf follow me (which is now my wife). We struggled for awhile to meet and make friends.  Although we got involved in community volunteer work and have since met alot of nice people.

The process takes time and take going to places were people are.

Good luck
J

RE: Work / Life Balance

For my wife and I, we moved from another other state and it was easier to meet and make friends with other transplants.  Locals already have their circle of friends which are harder to break into.

Tobalcane
"If you avoid failure, you also avoid success."  

RE: Work / Life Balance

In Italy they use a perjorative to describe a man who lives indefinitely at the parents' abode: 'Mommino.' At least in your case you are working. My oldest son fits your picture. I think he learned negative lessons from his siblings and friends. There were three divorces between two siblings.

I met others of the opposite sex at ski clubs, singles dance organizations, church groups, and the extended family network. The bar scene is not the place to meet your life partner. A good friend married a girl thru a city wide singles group. They had dances, ski events, etc.

My younger son met his fiance' at the upscale apartment complex pool.  

RE: Work / Life Balance

You might try family reunions.

RE: Work / Life Balance

Get a dog, the exercise will do you good, you get to meet lots of other dog walkers some of who will be single females and most importantly there is always someone who is ecstatically pleased to see you whenever you walk in the door and will not hold it against you that you are drunk, left the toilet seat down and forgot to put the cap on the toothpaste.

RE: Work / Life Balance

Dogging eh?  That's a sure-fire way to meet people, some of them wearing uniforms and driving cars with flashing lights.

- Steve

RE: Work / Life Balance

...and some wearing quite a bit less, but flashing too perhaps.

RE: Work / Life Balance

"The bar scene is not the place to meet your life partner."

Hmm, well if I were to look at the divorce rate of folks in the US I know, then actually meeting in a bar is doing a lot better than meeting at church.  On the other hand, I know a couple in serious trouble after some ski club inspired adultery.  So, I'm hesitant to completely rule out or excessively condone any one location for meeting potential spouse's.

The OP hasn't logged in since 25th so maybe they solved their social life problem and is out having fun?

Posting guidelines FAQ731-376: Eng-Tips.com Forum Policies http://eng-tips.com/market.cfm? (probably not aimed specifically at you)
What is Engineering anyway: FAQ1088-1484: In layman terms, what is "engineering"?

RE: Work / Life Balance

What does that say about the rest of us, Kenat?

RE: Work / Life Balance

Lock up all your guns and give your mom the key right now, it could be a long time your an engineer!

akastud

RE: Work / Life Balance

Get out now while you can before you start asking a bunch of engineers for social advice......

RE: Work / Life Balance

While you are still young, hit up the clubs and take all the rear you can get. thumbsup2. It is sure to relieve some dreary nights...
You can decide on a wifey later.

 

peace
Fe

RE: Work / Life Balance

Is "ski club" a euphemism in America?  I've known a few people who's entire social life was based on their ski club, but not about skiing.

- Steve

RE: Work / Life Balance

I was in the same situation when I graduated.  The thing that changed my life was moving out of my parents house.  I met a great group of friends and life was great.  Don't worry and stress out about finding a girlfriend or wife, it will happen.  Get involved with something you like and you will meet friends.

RE: Work / Life Balance

Nope, just an organized group of folks that like to ski.

Good luck,
Latexman

RE: Work / Life Balance

Don't worry peterso2, a lot of us have been in your boat before. We engineers get so committed to our work life we can't see the forest through the trees.

One of the first ways to meet people are in professional organizations (ASME, EWB-USA etc) since you'll already have some common ground.

Volunteering is another alternative and if you're really committed, Peace Corps, Americorps, and Habitat for Humanity are always looking for volunteer engineers. The engineering would be <25% of what you do now but hey you're asking about developing your interpersonal intelligence.

A dog, hobbies, or church (or maybe service organizations and yoga if you're not religious) are other great ways to develop your emotional intelligence. I know it's hard but think outside the box.

Whatever initiatives you take be committed to them and don't get discouraged if you don't succeed right away. Start with being happy with yourself first and then worry about the girls.

 

RE: Work / Life Balance

KENAT,

Does the guide dog manage to shave your hands? tongue
  

----------------------------------
  
If we learn from our mistakes I'm getting a great education!
 

RE: Work / Life Balance

Well, if you want a job done properly, you really have to do it yourself.

- Steve

RE: Work / Life Balance

narsty! hairy palms  smile

peace
Fe

RE: Work / Life Balance

I could make some humorous comments about stick shakers and the precipitous rate of descent of this thread...but I won't.  Oops.

RE: Work / Life Balance

stick shakers?
"they'll do the cleanup, as well"
you're talking foreign outsourcing. I could name a few suggestions. ponytails

peace
Fe

RE: Work / Life Balance

Smell the roses young man... My recommended steps for you:
1) Embrace the basement, because it'll never again be that simple. Fix it up. Get a pool table, etc.
2) Get into martial arts for fitness and self-confidence.
3) Get a hobby - for me it's old cars.
4) Learn to cook so you can eat the best foods available.
In thirty years you'll only wish things were as simple as they are now, because they won't be. You'll have limited freedom, and you'll be serving many masters.
John M



 

RE: Work / Life Balance

What masters? I hope you are not referring to ponytails.
wink

peace
Fe

RE: Work / Life Balance

I started going to lunch with people in the office when I was your age.  And then tried to get a group together to have drinks after work.  As nerdy as engineering is, most of the engineers I know are pretty interesting to talk to and get along well with the normal people out there. Most engineers are very well traveled.  Don't be so down. Your 20's are when you have a ton of freedom and the money to enjoy the freedom.  I would rather live at home taking awesome trips with one or two of your friends than buy a place and just be in pure debt for 30 years.  There is plenty of time for that later.

Civil Development Group, LLC
Los Angeles Civil Engineering specializing in Hillside Grading
http://www.civildevelopmentgroup.com
http://www.civildevelopmentgroup.com/blog

RE: Work / Life Balance

Hey...where did peterso2 go?

Tobalcane
"If you avoid failure, you also avoid success."  

RE: Work / Life Balance


Twoballcane/Ben/IRstuff/Kenat (and the others): this is his troll account!

Just read all the posts - my suggestion would be a warm bath, bottle or two of bourbon (or better still, Scotch) and a razor blade...

H

www.tynevalleyplastics.co.uk

RE: Work / Life Balance

Kenat: It's late here, and after few (too many) pints of Tim Taylor's I'm off to ZZZ's

Be good.

H

www.tynevalleyplastics.co.uk

RE: Work / Life Balance

I thought this was the pub for a minute wink

peace
Fe

RE: Work / Life Balance

you know shaving with a razor while drinking is not a good idea...(just kidding jeezz)

Tobalcane
"If you avoid failure, you also avoid success."  

RE: Work / Life Balance

(OP)
Hey there,

I'm still around - its not that all my problems were solved magically. I'm just having a tough time dealing with the fact I only have like two close friends and no females to hangout with, yes its tough. I think biggest step like many said would be to move out - but I've always been nervous about living alone. Which is why I haven't done anything yet. My employer is ok right now - I was looking at resumes, to maybe look elsewhere but I don't know. Perhaps the lack of a drive to make a change is causing this rut. However, within the last 3 months or so I'd say its gotten progressively worse. From what people say I think I should get an apartment maybe a bit closer to work and perhaps look for a new job in a new city? I don't know if that would force me to find people or not. But I'll agree with the other posters, I'm the one who put myself in this situtation. I've got to find a way out...the replies were helpful though.

RE: Work / Life Balance

Good. There are lots of women out there. Get yourself a nice car, go to the gym (get ripped?) smile and they will flock like herds of beetles.
No really now, you just need motivation.  

peace
Fe

RE: Work / Life Balance

Or as suggested above, sometimes you just need to get a grip on yourself and pull yourself through hard times.

 

RE: Work / Life Balance

"I've always been nervous about living alone"

I mixed it with strangers for the first 5 years after graduation.  And experienced a fair amount of "strangeness" during that time, mostly good.  Thought I couldn't cope with the silence of living alone.

Living alone is rewarding though, so long as you get out.  There's nothing quite as satisfying as throwing closed your own door, opening a beer and watching rubbish TV.

- Steve

RE: Work / Life Balance

Obviously, there's safety in living in familiar surroundings with familiar people.  You seem to be suffering from the converse of "empty nest syndrome," something like "afraid to leave the nest" syndrome.

Well, that's part of growing up, so until you do so, you cannot really claim to even be an adult.

Yes, the world is a scary place, and you may run across roommates that cheat on the rent or steal your liquor, but that's all part of the process.  It's not supposed to be easy. it's like "work hardening," and unstressed material cannot become stronger.

TTFN

FAQ731-376: Eng-Tips.com Forum Policies

RE: Work / Life Balance

Spending your days on a site talking to grumpy old men won't help too much 2thumbsup

drawn to design, designed to draw

RE: Work / Life Balance

grump old men? Man, I should leave this place.
hourglass

peace
Fe

RE: Work / Life Balance

And don't forget Spanky.

RE: Work / Life Balance

add Tipsy to the alternate line up

RE: Work / Life Balance

3
Sorry this is a late post, but I just happened to stumble on it.  We are all single and lonely by default. It's what you do with your time that can make your life lonely or not.  Here is advice comming from a guy who's 30 and has a family.  It worked for me.  Take it or leave it.  

1.) Living at Home Issues: Find an appartment within a 20 minute drive radius from work, or between work and home.  That way, you'll be able to visit your parents and you'll be on your own.  

2.) Physical Issues:  Do P90x first - join the gym later.  You will feel a difference in your energy levels after the first two weeks.   

3.) Wife and Other Social Issues: It will be of great benefit to find your wife on a Sunday morning rather than a Friday or Saturday night if you catch my drift.  The same advice goes for your friends.

4.) Don't be afraid to try new things (within reason)

Hope this helps.



 

RE: Work / Life Balance

Hi Pete,

A smart capable professional at your age should experience independence and cut the umbilical cord.  Your parents are not doing you any favors.  Unless you have some condition or cultural reasons to justify you living at home it is my opinion it is time to leave the nest.  

You are nervous about being on your own, you will get over it. Just do it! You need to experience the responsibility of being an adult, the bills, the mortgage/rent, and fending for yourself.   You could solicit a roommate if you really cannot handle being alone and this in itself might provide some more social avenues.

You might find it fun and exciting looking for a new place, buying furniture, dishes, bed sheets, etc.  Tip:  get the highest thread count you can afford.

It is an excellent time to purchase a house.  Interest rates are low and the money you would be paying in rent could be building equity instead.  

Love, believe in yourself, live in the moment, and what will be will be.

Wishing you love, health and happiness!
 

RE: Work / Life Balance

Lots of replies, surely lots of good stuff in here.

I AM ALSO 25 YEARS OLD. So I think my answers can be a bit more applicable to you.

1. I live with my mom, women don't mind, my current girlfriend doesn't mind as long as your relationship is healthy and normal with your parents. We all understand its a recession.

2. Volunteer somewhere, now. I do it, its great and I meet lots of interesting people.

3. Volunteer in politics whether you're liberal or conservative, so many attractive women in both parties and its the easiest way to meet people you automatically have something in common with.

4. Start reading GQ, Details and Men's Health, you'll learn how to dress well, everyone loves a person who dresses well. Also, they advocate a simple, timeless and work ready wardrobe.

5. No more gym, no one talks in the gym anymore. Start rock climbing, take Scuba classes, run on the beach or at the park. Gym's are nice, but only to meet a goal, then get out and use that physical fitness for real things.

 

RE: Work / Life Balance

Travel, see the world. I have worked in three countries so far.

RE: Work / Life Balance

I dance, started learning to play the piano, got a pilots license, now working on an instrument rating.  I also love my job despite huge pressure and challenges.

Discard your TV and don't be sucked into banal internet distractors.

Life is a banquet, there are other people sitting at the table starving though.

If you are socially conscious go do volunteer work.  If your life is emotinally dull, nothing like helping someone dig out of a true disaster to gain an appreciation for how good dull is and to tap into a sense of purpose.  The tradegy of a disaster scene is emotionally rich, not a theme park for thrill seekers, but to empathise with true sadness of others and experience the reward from making at least a small difference can make you feel really alive.

   

RE: Work / Life Balance

Peterso2, are you still around? It would be good to hear if there has been any movement in your life.

I was at a similar point at about the same time in my career. I met my wife while traveling and then took the plunge and got a holiday working visa to the uk for two years to spend time with her.

I definitely recommend London as you WILL meet other people from all over the world and who knows..

RE: Work / Life Balance

Get out of your parents' basement. You will meet people in your new place and in the process of getting stuff for it. All will be good, but you have to change your routines. Although people are everywhere and easy to meet, you will know when you meet someone interesting.

Even your job will seem better once you move to your own place.

Kurt

RE: Work / Life Balance

Would you like to meet my daughter? I knew my father-in-law a couple of years before I met his daughter. We met on a Sunday morning almost 25 years ago.

Hang in there. There's nothing wrong with getting established in your career, putting some money in the bank, and seeing a bit of the world before you settle down.

Don't get discouraged and don't rush into anything.  

RE: Work / Life Balance

This is the most entertaining post of all times on eng tips, probably as it has nothing to do with engineering.

Since it sounds like you have a fear of being alone, which is common and almost natural (especially when you are younger), one of the easiest ways to get over this is to force yourself- take a trip alone, preferably to another country. Get yourself a ticket to Europe sometime in the spring or summer and a 10 day rail pass, bring a guide book and have NO RESERVATIONS. Hopefully you drink socially (I know, not the healthiest hobby) as pubs in Europe have been the start of many, many fun times and I have met some very interesting people that way.

Had an awesome time in Scotland by myself. You are approachable when you are alone, and don't be afraid to mix it up. Many foreigners are just as curious about you as you are about them, and they may think Americans are like what they see in the movies or TV so don't be afraid to break down some of those stereotypes. And yes, this can lead to some nice conversations with a pretty girl with an even lovelier accent. Just don't dress like you are going to a ballgame and mine your Ps and Qs and you will be very surprised most of the time with how nice people can be. I thought I was going to get jumped on the subway once in Glasgow by a bunch of young guys and then they just started a friendly conversation with me, and thought it was way cool I chose their country to go on a holiday (that's what they call it) by MYSELF...

If you are somewhere with less friendly locals, maybe a language barrier - spot an Aussie and buy them a beer, and you won't regret it. Aussies are like the cool, fun loving cousins of Americans, and you can learn a lot about how to live from them, they work hard and play harder.  And there is a good chance you'll get an email or number and have a place to stay in another country for a visit. (I have also had good experiences with many other people from other countries, be very careful drinking with anyone from England, Scotland, or Ireland, they are better at it than you.)

The other advantage of traveling alone is you choose to do and go wherever you want, whenever you want.

If that's too much for you take a buddy, just one, easier to book hotel rooms and meet people if its just two of you. Surprising how often two other young, single girls also travel as a pair.

When you get back you will feel different and have a new lease on life. You will see there is so much to see and do out there beyond your basement, town, state and country. You will have gone someplace new and alone and been FINE. This will give you confidence in new ways you will not understand for a while.

Maybe none of this will work exactly the way it has for me, but at the least you could cross the Eiffel Tower, Big Ben and the canals of Amsterdam off your bucket list. Don't burn yourself out on museums, find a party in Spain (Barcelona is a good place to start), spend a couple of days in an Alpine village, and Scandinavia has models working at McDonald's... And Belgium has over 1000 breweries which is a lot for such a small country, if you are so inclined..

 

RE: Work / Life Balance

I vote no on travel abroad. Spend your money in your own state and country. Instead of inflated airfares and baggage fees, spend money on upgrading your car, if needed. And lobby to bring manufacturing back to your country. Tired of made in China.

RE: Work / Life Balance

Greg- I have a couple of friends like Plasgear, I tell them to stay home, they wouldn't have any fun anyway!

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Get out of the house.  I don't necessarily meant to move out of your parent's basement.  I mean to avoid spending time indoors by yourself.  Think about what interests you and join a group or take a class.  Craigslist is an easy way to find social gatherings, classes or meetings.  I would aslo recommend meetup.com; they have a huge array of meet up groups.  I joined a few and had a great time!  I also ended up meeting a beautiful woman who is now my wife.  Someone above recommended Toastmasters.  This is a great idea.  I joined a few months back and have met some fine people as well as improving my speaking and social skills.

At work, speak with your supervisor or HR person.  Not all companies are good at letting you know what potential advancement or opportunities are available to you.  If you ahve something to work toward it can add some new motivation.

Good luck!
 

http://www.EngineeringGuideBook.com

RE: Work / Life Balance

some goog advice here though I am not sure that peterso2 is still listening.

plasgears,

You really do sum up to me what is going wrong with america. Too many of you see your country as a closed system and have no appreciation of the rest of the world.

There are cultures at there that have such a completely different take on life that you will never grasp it. The variety of humanity never ceases to amaze me when I travel.

But the US runs the risk of falling behind in this global economy if it continues to have an inward facing attitude.

I would recommend overseas travel to anyone, it will open your eyes to what an amazing thing life is.

RE: Work / Life Balance

In fairness, it's not exactly easy to see the big wide world from the US. Different cultures are mostly an ocean away and that airfare ain't cheap. I do okay and I like to travel but, even then, most of my vacations are within the country. Visiting elsewhere is fun for a time but has never really opened my eyes to anything; when it's over, I'm back to my little town in the middle of nowhere.

peterso2, I'm 28 and in a similar situation. I've lived on my own for years now, having jobs in different states from my parents and before that I was at college a few hundred miles away. My current situation is pretty poor, as I'm in a very small town in midcountry USA with the nearest major city being close to two hours away. Pretty tight-nit group and I don't really feel like I fit in very well as a college-educated engineer from outside. Point though is that life is not going to change just because you're not in the basement. Being independant is not hard. Being content with life is something else entirely. In fact, there are times when I almost wish I still was at home. At least then I'd know there are two people close by that will always have my back and I'll always have theirs. Most of my friends have never come close to that.

RE: Work / Life Balance

I was probably a bit heavy but I thought something needed to be said. Apologies plasgears it was not meant to be personal but was a general statement prompted by your comment.

Yes, travel is not for everyone but if you dont try it you can only take other peoples word for it that these places exist. Though to me travel is about experiences rather than seeing things.

Also, living in the US is no excuse. You have borders with 2 amazing countries and you are only a 10 or so hour flight from europe.

The country that I grew up in had nothing but thousands of miles of ocean in all directions and was a 20 hour flight from the US and 24 hours from Europe!

I do admit that your lack of holidays stinks but this is no excuse when you are backpacking.

But I think the main thing is that you have to find a passion in life, mine are travel and climbing. Thankfully every persons passion is different.

RE: Work / Life Balance

I'm trying to figure out the second amazing country, besides Mexico, that the U.S. shares borders with.

Regards,

SNORGY.

RE: Work / Life Balance

I am sure some Canadian is monitoring this thread :)

RE: Work / Life Balance

SiliconeAurora,

Not exactly easy to see the big wide world from the US? That's rubbish really. I am from New Zealand, a country far more isolated from the rest of the world geographically, yet I've found it pretty easy to see the world so far (well only Europe and Australia, but Asia is on the horizon).

I'd also recommend peterso2 does a bit of travel to Western Europe. It won't be too far out of his comfort zone culturally, and he'll be bound to have a great time.  

RE: Work / Life Balance

Definately, lots of cute women with even cuter accents - and you are a real novelty for them also.

I knew i would get another antipodean backing me up on that point.

Actually it is more than the 2 countries that the US has borders with, there are a few in the carribean also.


 

RE: Work / Life Balance

I would have guessed New Jersey.

RE: Work / Life Balance

This is not towards anyone in particular, not the OP:

If you don't want to travel and see the world, stay in your basement in your S-town playing X box your whole life then. Only you are missing out, the world is not holding their breath to meet more close-minded Americans (I am not a self hating American, some of my friends have this don't travel ignorant attitude too).

No other single form of experience has changed my life or made me happier than travel, in this country and others. And I have seen it in other people's lives too, even my conservative, older parents, who started traveling the world late in life.

I am sick of groveling, complaining, whining, etc. from everyone about everything. There is no pill or quick solution in life. The world is your oyster but nobody will serve it up on a TV tray in your living room.

Foreign travel is about opening up your mind and gaining perspective, having experiences and stories to tell. You should also at least once go to a much less wealthy country to see how people without much material wealth live and survive and can be very happy. Back to the perspective thing...

I've been planning a trip to New Zealand for a year now, and think about it with excitement every day and its not for 3 months. Its been a dream of mine for a long time to go there, as everyone I know who has gone said its the single most beautiful country they have ever seen. I look forward to tipping a few with some Kiwis. The other thing about a big trip is just the fun of planning it and looking forward to it.

Or you can be like my Grandpa who rarely left a 10 mile radius of his small town in Wisconsin. He seemed pretty happy with his existence, and got homesick after about 48 hours- but I always saw it as a bit sad. But to each his own, you won't know what you are missing (or not) until you try.




 

RE: Work / Life Balance

a2mfk,

I agree with every word.

RE: Work / Life Balance

Of course there are other ways to meet people. One of my in-laws met his wife at a Scientology meeting. Not sure how that worked out, they stopped talking to anyone not a Scientologist, but hey, I thought the best that boy would ever do was a small furry pet. There's always the Moonies, which could save you a lot on group weddings.

Be bold and go for what you want. I remember one college dance where my fellow nerd engineer and I got rejected so many times we made a game of it. With perseverance, I got a dance on my 31st try. My friend was so jealous.

Learn from your mistakes. When I started dating in Italy, I went to the Disco Di Fimon where thousands  of young women were. Almost immediately, the Italian lady in the booth asked me for a dance. I didn't realize until she left the booth that she had been standing on the seat and came up to my navel. We had a nice slow dance, and I learned to not make decisions based solely upon a pretty face.


 

RE: Work / Life Balance

And now, with air travel, there is always the possiblity of a nice pat down.

RE: Work / Life Balance

nice post mauricestoker,

Reminds me of a friends old pickup line. He used to just walk up to ladies and simply say 'do you want a £$%@?'. He would get at least nine slaps in the face until he got his one yes.

RE: Work / Life Balance

UK only has one border.

- Steve

RE: Work / Life Balance

Shh- stop reminding the Americans we're up here- we don't want them to go all "manifest destiny" on our @sses again!

RE: Work / Life Balance

1) Move out. If you can buy a house, do so. It's a tangible possession. It's very existence in your life will energize & organize you. I bet your parents would help. Lot's of deals out there.

2) But a guitar. A decent starter acoustic. Taylor makes some good ones, and HIRE someone to get you started. You will never regret it; music, especially music that you, yourself are generating, (no matter how crude) clears the mind.

3) Open yourself to opportunities. There is NO LUCK, only the chance to maximize events to your advantage.

4) Dale Carnegie ( no commercial interest, of course) no matter how lame you young whipper-snappers think this is, it will teach you personal interaction and build your confidence in a great way.

5) Consider an online dating service, if indeed that is an issue to you. I met my wife (nine years now) on "Match.com".

6) Don't watch the rabid talk shows, no matter what your political leanings are. Don't watch ANY "reality shows". This is important.

7) Lower your expectations. Life is NOT for our entertainment. It's a bitch, sometimes.  

RE: Work / Life Balance

"I would recommend overseas travel to anyone, it will open your eyes to what an amazing thing life is"

Yes, life in America, in my mind.

I have traveled in the far East, Thailand, Vietnam, Taiwan, The Philippines, Saudi Arabia, Dubai, The UK, & Ireland, South Africa, Nigeria, Brazil, and of course, our neighbors to the South (in happier times) Mexico.

And while much of my time spent overseas was  1)Being shot at, 2) recovering from being shot at, 3) working in the Bush, or 4) Simply on holiday, I have always felt like Dorthy, clicking my heels, and thankfully saying "there's no place like home, there's no place like home"

RE: Work / Life Balance

thruthefence,

Yes, sometimes thats what travel does. Thankfully not everyone is into it as there would be a lot more people flying around.

Not sure what you were doing to get shot at but I am sure that I would probably feel the same if the same happened to me.

But it did make you appreciate life?  

RE: Work / Life Balance

The "shootie" (as opposed to "shooter", which I was on occasion) role was played hanging out the door of a Bell UH-1 Helicopter. My experiences in Bangkok & Taipei in those days were with a little less genteel class of folks, so my assessment of those parts of the world are probably unfairly biased. I mean no insult or criticism of other cultures, but from my experience, I haven't seen anywhere I'd rather live then the USA.

 

RE: Work / Life Balance

peterso2: go out and do something and remember "The timid sleep alone."

RE: Work / Life Balance

CSD72;
"Reminds me of a friends old pickup line. He used to just walk up to ladies and simply say 'do you want a £$%@?'. He would get at least nine slaps in the face until he got his one yes."

I knew a guy just like that!!!

A "John Candy" type, but cruder. He had no fear of women, rejection did not phase him. And I NEVER knew him to be without female companionship, and attractive, intelligent women. I have never understood this process, that seemed to be at work with him.

I used to hang with him, just to get his castoffs.

He got a job as an "Orkin Man" doing residential pest control, and had to give it up, because, to paraphrase General jack D. Ripper, (Dr. Strangelove, 1964) his "precious bodily fluids were sapped and impureified" by the lonely housewives of the mid-60's.  

RE: Work / Life Balance

Sounds like a character.

One thing I learnt is that most women cannot tell the different between arrogance/indifference and confidence. This is why the arrogant ones get all the girls.

RE: Work / Life Balance

"3) Open yourself to opportunities. There is NO LUCK, only the chance to maximize events to your advantage.

6) Don't watch the rabid talk shows, no matter what your political leanings are. Don't watch ANY "reality shows". This is important.

7) Lower your expectations. Life is NOT for our entertainment. It's a bitch, sometimes. "

Excellent Advice!

RE: Work / Life Balance

This thread reminds me of the following joke (pls no red flags...)

A guy runs into a buddy of his at a singles convention, and asks him:

How's it going?

Other guy replies:

I'm holding my own.

tg

RE: Work / Life Balance

This is getting outta "hand" but...............

The chorus from Jackson Browne's "Rosie" ( "Runnin' on Empty" 1975)


"Rosie you're all right, -- you wear my ring.
When you hold me tight, -- Rosie that's my thing.
When you turn out the light -- I've got to hand it to me....
Looks like it's me and you again tonight,.... Rosie"

Sorry, couldn't resist.

 

RE: Work / Life Balance

I like the "lowered expectations", reminds me of a favorite song and being single:

"All my friends fell about the place
Nice legs, shame about the face."

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