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Having to resign - as much as I don't want to
5

Having to resign - as much as I don't want to

Having to resign - as much as I don't want to

(OP)
I moved to the USA about 12 months ago. I have loved it hear immensly. Loved the job, learning lots of new things and I just love the USA.

Devastating news... Wife and kids are not adjusting and cannot stay here any longer. In fact, they have tickets booked and are leaving in a few weeks. I am going to catch up with them early in the new year. I am totally devastated and cannot believe it is happening.

I have not told work this news. No contracts were signed, but a relocation bonus was given to me. I don't know how much time I should give them. They are a wonderful team of people, but I cannot pick how they will react to the news. I need to keep income going until at least next January. I will need to leave middle of January. As far as work and I were concerned, this was assumed to be a long term venture.

An Engineer friend has suggested that I approach them with the proposal to work for them remotely and just be real positive. I am finding it hard to be positive at the moment. Not happy about this at all! I want to stay here.

Any ideas on what sort of notice I should give? I want to leave with my head held high, knowing that I did the absolute best I could.

Thanks,

RE: Having to resign - as much as I don't want to

Jobs come & go, your family should always be first in my opinion.  It's a noble thing to make accommodations and sacrifices for your family.  If my experience is any indicator, it will work out.  It's a sad state of affairs when people judge their success on how much money & prestige they have, and not by the rich environment they have created at home.

Expect to be required to repay some or all of the relo expenses.  It's only fair, it's only money.

But I'd certainly be honest with the company, explain the situation truthfully, and bring options and alternatives for them to consider.  But pick your timing, because you may be escorted to the front door when you break the news.  You never know just how it may work out or what opportunities may be presented.  If your presence at the company is really all milk & honey and you aren't some abrasive jerk, then the company may try to figure out some arrangement.  I've seen it done.

TygerDawg
Blue Technik LLC
Virtuoso Robotics Engineering
www.bluetechnik.com

RE: Having to resign - as much as I don't want to

I am in the same boat to some degree, except I am commited for three years (have to repay a prorated amount of a sign on bonus and relocation). My wife is having problems adjusting and we both find the state of medical care to be low. No such thing as an appointment here; first come, first served everywhere.

I would to as TygerDawg suggests, sooner rather than later to give them time to either replace you or put in systems for you to work remotely. If they want some of the relocation back, I might consider that in exchange for their agreeing to the working remotely. Without a contract there should not be a way for them to collect in court. They may withhold your last paycheck however. I would consider that fair as TygerDawg states.

Peter Stockhausen
Senior Design Analyst (Checker)
Infotech Aerospace Services
www.infotechpr.net

RE: Having to resign - as much as I don't want to

You have to assume you will not be the first in this situation so maybe they won't be as surprised or disappointed as you expect.

You have to suspect that for every 100 people they recruit and bring to the US, they realistically expect that this will be the situation with a given percentage of them and if they are realistic, they aren't going to waste too much energy on recriminations etc.

In this day and age remote working is a real possibility I'd say. I know a "retired" engineer working on projects from his home in the UK that are ongoing in the US and the UK. Pretty key design projects as I understand it.

But I think you really need to hear from someone who has had this experience personally and who can give you first hand experience of how they may or may not react.

 

JMW
www.ViscoAnalyser.com

 

RE: Having to resign - as much as I don't want to

Sorry for your situation.  This is bad calendar timing for this to happen.  With all the USA holidays coming up, you have what, 7-8wks of actual working days till the middle of January?  If you have a good working relation with your supervisor I'd approach him directly and explain your situation.  Of course it couldn't hurt to start looking for employment back at home, and getting everything prepared for your replacement.

"Art without engineering is dreaming; Engineering without art is calculating."

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RE: Having to resign - as much as I don't want to

I should have said that the "retired engineer" is working on military aviation projects.

JMW
www.ViscoAnalyser.com

 

RE: Having to resign - as much as I don't want to

If you have a good relationship with them I'd definitely have a chat with your boss.

When I moved out to the States it was because I'd met my now wife while out here for work.  We got married in the US in the February but I didn't immediately move out here because of the immigration route I took (didn't realize they expect you to try and cheat the system), because we were looking into her moving to UK and because financially I needed to keep working for a while.

Anyway, once we'd decided I was moving to the US I was fairly upfront with my management, only the CFO was bent out of shape.  After moving to the US I was still directly employed by them for about 3 months, they even agreed to let me buy a PC on the company credit card and pay them back out of my checks.  Then, I worked freelance for them part time for about 9 months before being remote from the office & various legal issues about import/expert & ITAR etc. became an issue.

So while I didn't give my formal notice untill the agreed 1 month, they knew several months before that I would be leaving at some point once my immigration stuff was sorted out.

In your situation I'd expect they'd want some of the relocation money back, though of course if there was no contract...  

On the remote working thing trade restrictions can be an issue, even if not in defense, so just make sure you've looked into that before proposing it.

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RE: Having to resign - as much as I don't want to

If the work is subject to ITAR, ask if there are other areas where you could work remotly.

Peter Stockhausen
Senior Design Analyst (Checker)
Infotech Aerospace Services
www.infotechpr.net

RE: Having to resign - as much as I don't want to

(OP)
Thanks guys...

This situation is an absolute mess. I come into work basically feeling like I am lying to everyone. My wife and kids leave in just a few weeks and I am going to stay on a bit longer. I looked at the calander earlier and think I put departure off until last week of January.

I understand about putting family first. It is very hard when you love your job, are learning lots and living in the country that you really love living in. Basically this is a dream come true and now I have to flush it down the toilet. Very hard to work through.

The relocation given to me was $7K and there was a paid for month's accomodation.

As discussed, there was no contracts. Not even a handshake. I came here, interviewed with them and they made me an offer.

Another sad thing is they do not suspect anything is wrong. They have asked a few times how the family is going, usually just passing by and our office is an open layout. I freaked when they asked, but also felt I could not say anything with everyone in ear-shot.

I would describe the office as a close knit group, small Firm and very ethical. They treat employees well with all the benefits.

I need to keep earning up until mid January at least. I am currently getting my business together in my home Country, but now is the quiet season there and not much construction going on.

I really hate this situation and wish it did not have to be. Basically I have no choice but to resign (or work remote) or loose my family. Wife and kids will not stay here, it has been a hard 12 months for them.

I am stressed about knowing what kind of notice to give them. If I tell them now and they escort me out, then I am hurting financially. I would like to think I could tell them now and they be good about it and we work toward the solution.

Thanks,

 

RE: Having to resign - as much as I don't want to

You are putting family first. It's an honorable thing to do. Too many people out there who say they would do it and when push comes to shove, they don't.

 

drawn to design, designed to draw

RE: Having to resign - as much as I don't want to

Everyone's working relationships are different, so only you can ultimately decide for yourself.  I would wait to say anything till after the New Year, then it would be full disclosure on my part.

"Art without engineering is dreaming; Engineering without art is calculating."

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RE: Having to resign - as much as I don't want to

I was going to suggest waiting until the first week of January, and sitting down in person with the person who hired you.  

People often have revelations over the holidays, so the first week of January is often the time that people make life changes, and since you've planned on the end of January as your end date, it makes sense to time it that way.

RE: Having to resign - as much as I don't want to

2
A couple of weeks notice is customary, but not statutory.

DO NOT give notice, or tell your boss, until you are prepared to leave within the hour... because there's a good chance you will be escorted out the door immediately.  

The bonus was for showing up in the first place.  
Absent a contract, don't give it back.

You came, you worked hard, the company paid you for it.
Every payday, you're even.


 

Mike Halloran
Pembroke Pines, FL, USA

RE: Having to resign - as much as I don't want to

What country is home?  Curious why it would be so hard to adjust.

Perhaps you could arrange for a finite term, 6 months to a year.  Enough to make it worth your employer's effort, soon enough to be tolerable for your family.

My parents came to the U.S. from Germany.  When I was 5, we moved to the old country.  We were back within a year.  It sucked for everyone, including my dad.

RE: Having to resign - as much as I don't want to

I agree with MH.

It sounds like you're geniune, you worked hard, and are doing this for a good reason.  If they can't accept that than that's their problem.  It would be nice to make everyone happy, but that's not always possible.

Good luck.

RE: Having to resign - as much as I don't want to

(OP)
We come from Australia... We have not made any friends here after a year. Sadly, we picked a very un-friendly and snobby place to live. By the time my wife was becoming severly depressed, it was too late to try another place to live. She misses her childhood friends and family too.

With family leaving before me, I am concerned that when I tell the company they will take me as being sneaky with wife and kids already gone. I also feel a bit guilty about the whole thing. I have allegiance to these guys as they have treated me so well.

Has anyone had a situation just like me? I appreciate all the advice. I am definitley taking it on board.

Looks like straight after Christmas I tell them... 4-5 weeks notice...

Thanks,


 

RE: Having to resign - as much as I don't want to

Well while not exactly the same I'd hoped my situation I described above was close enough to be of use.

I talked to my boss because I knew they were unlikely to let me go there and then and we had a good relationship.  At my current employer I wouldn't dream of it.

Generally I'm all for assuming employers are out to screw you but there are exceptions, and if you truely have found one, then it would be a shame to tar them with the same brush.  

Even in my situation I didn't make it official untill the 1 month notice required by my terms of employment, but they knew in principle that I'd probably be moving to the states at some point in the not too distant for a few months before that.

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RE: Having to resign - as much as I don't want to

i would say that they were naive in not signing a relocation contract. shame on them. i have always had to sign one with the larger companies. i would ask them and see if they require reimbursement. if not, then you win. good luck.  

RE: Having to resign - as much as I don't want to

Fortunately for your employer, the job market is favorable for recruiting a replacement.

RE: Having to resign - as much as I don't want to

Although I don't have the same situation.  The last job I had (14 years ago) I gave them 3 months notice before I left.  It was a larger consulting firm that I had worked at for about 7 years. I was moving for similar reasons, family problems and the need to go back to what we considered home.  I was there for the entire 3 months closing out my projects and helping whoever took over some of the projects getting up to speed on them.  I even worked part time after I left to finish a couple projects that were almost complete when I left.

I felt that they had treated me right during my employment and that they deserved no less from me.

I think that there is a big difference when you tell your boss that you are leaving because of family issues vs. telling them you are leaving because you got another job that is better because (you pick the reason).  They seem to be a lot more understanding about family coming first.

If it truly is a good company, I would tell them sooner than later and explain what the issues are.  I believe that they will be understanding and work with you.

RE: Having to resign - as much as I don't want to

It would likely be good to tell them that there are some issues. Not that you are leaving, but that the family is not adjusting well.  Maybe let them know that they are planning on heading back home for a while.

I would have spoken up sooner on this, as it may have made a difference in getting adjusted. My wife is having trouble adjusting to our new place, and that is just across the state! I have been letting people know so that if they think of things to do (to get her out of the house since she works at home) they can let us know.  Also, it helps with friend introductions and the like. Anyway, it sounds like the window for that has passed.

RE: Having to resign - as much as I don't want to

(OP)
Yep, the door has shut on this deal, that is for sure! Hindsight is a painful thing... So many things I would have done different if I could have the time over again. We tried something like this several years ago and she got all homesick and we had to go. Silly me to try it again I guess.

Wife and kids fly out (with 1-way plane ticket) early December. Our rental lease on the house is ending end of this month, so house is being packed up. We are building a crate and then going to ship all the stuff "home" again.

Work has no idea. I even feel like it is too late to tell them that things are not going too well at home by this late stage. We have fought like cats and dogs over this issue and well she wins. In the end, the decision was made quick with not much time to get used to it. Tickets were purchased and I am still trying to get my head around it. I kind of knew it was coming, but at the end of the day I was hoping and trying to make it work.

When I tell work, they will be blind-sided... No doubt about that. I really appreciate all you guys sharing your opinions and thoughts on this. Some of you have had similar experiences. For that I am sorry. It has got to be one of the toughest things to go through and you really question a lot of things.

As I said, I am still kind of shocked it is all happening and I am trying to come to grips with the reality, let alone having to tell work.

I wondered before if I should wait until Christmas Eve, when they hand out the bonuses and I tell them then and hand back my bonus? I am a genuine kind of bloke, value integrity and really strive to do what is right in life. I know the right thing is to tell them as early as possible and work with them on what follows (even if it means paying back the relocation money given to me). I know I could be escorted out straight away and I could not afford that or it could be they are fully understanding and we can work together despite the sad situation.

I am really disappointed in myself for not telling them that there were some issues going on at home. They asked me how we were doing a few times over the 12 months, but it was just never really the time to say how it really was. I was also trying to fix everything at the time too and hoped it would turn around.

Now it is just going to come as a total shock and I am not sure how they will take that.

 

RE: Having to resign - as much as I don't want to

Airforce2,

You sound very genuine.  I wouldn't worry about what your company thinks of you.  Tell them the truth, and your priority of putting family first.  They're grown-ups, and they will not be devastated.

Any decent employer will understand. I suspect you may lose the relocation bonus, but heck, sh-t happens.

In 100 yrs, it's by your family that you'll be remembered, not by your employers...

Keep in mind, far worse things happen to people. e.g.  Are your kids healthy? Can you get work back "home"?  You got over a similar situation once, so I suspect you'll get over it again.  

Things are only as bad as our reaction to them.  Try to focus on the positive, you will get over this.

tg

RE: Having to resign - as much as I don't want to

You've been at the company for a year now.  I doubt that anyone would even think twice about you getting a relocation package.  You could also casually ask how the company took it when other people left suddenly to gauge how they might react with your news.  (whether they let you stay on-board or if their typical policy is to escort them out upon giving their notice)  That might help you decide when is a good time to tell them.  As for the bonus, you earned it.  It's not a bonus for continuous work into the next year.

RE: Having to resign - as much as I don't want to

Airforce2:  What city and state are you in?  A stint of mine in Houston and I felt the same.

Moved to the MidWest and within 2 weeks am being invited to neighbor's homes, had immediate help when a tree fell on the garage, people would stop and talk when out walking, etc...a very different experience.

PeterStock:  What country are you from and what city and state are you in?

______________________________________________________________________________
This is normally the space where people post something insightful.

RE: Having to resign - as much as I don't want to

I am from the states, currently working in Puerto Rico. As this is US territory we get to do ITAR work for less than would be paid in the states.

Peter Stockhausen
Senior Design Analyst (Checker)
Infotech Aerospace Services
www.infotechpr.net

RE: Having to resign - as much as I don't want to

2
I am the President of a small company (45 employees) and I have had people come and go over the years. I cannot speak for your employers, but you should hold your head high. You are talking about giving 4-5 weeks notice - this is MORE than adequate. I would totally understand and empathise with your situation if I were your boss.

I do think you should have shared some of your problems with your family's adjustment earlier (not too many details as this is somewhat personal), but I also understand what a difficult time you were having. Your boss should understand this - I would.

I agree with coloengs assesment 100%.

It's all about your kids. As hard as it is has been for you, PLEASE stop beating yourself up. You have your priorities straight and ANY boss worth his salt would understand this. If I were your boss and if you were to offer your bonus back, I would not take it - you earned it. I'd also say - screw the relocation bonus - just keep it (BTW,a 7K relocation bonus is not much).

When you do decide to put it all on the line ane tell your boss, do it with conviction and sincerity. You are a good man and your sincerity will show.

I would have been happy to have you at my company for a year and I would wish you the best. Employees can be replaced. Your family cannot be.

This is coming from someone who has experienced some tough losses (departures) over the years. You are putting the weight of the world on your shoulders - give yourself a break. Life goes on and your company will survive.

Please keep us updated on how this develops.

Jake

RE: Having to resign - as much as I don't want to

While not necessarily a 'contrarian view' because as everyone has stated here, Family should indeed come first in decisions.
However, what family purpose is served, if the OP returns home, and is unable to find adequate employment? Sit around the house on the dole, or maybe worse take a job far below his training & intellect? Not conducive to a happy home life. It takes two to tango in a marriage, and hard decisions sometimes have to be made. I personally have seen this problem from both sides, and you have no idea how much better life can be with a supportive spouse. (by this I mean a real marriage partner, not a "submissive", servant-to-the-lord & master type.)

I certainly mean no disrespect to the wife in this. She surely has has her hands full, raising kids in a strange country.

I do wish the OP all the best of luck in the future, he sounds like a fine,conciencence person. I hope it all works out.  

RE: Having to resign - as much as I don't want to

Another reason I would not worry about the relocation bonus is that you are going back "home".  If your time at the company was shorter, and you used them to get to that location and jumped to a competitor, that would be different.

That is why there is typically a "contact" for the bonus – so that they do not pay for you to come to the area and work for the competition.  Your move is not working and you are going back. They can hardly say you are using them unfairly.
 

RE: Having to resign - as much as I don't want to

I dunno, Airforce2...

What has worked for me is sticking to the belief that ultimately there is only one loyalty that matters.

You are in the best position to assess how much of the angst at home is home-sickness and how much of it is that they're just plain not liking where you guys are at.  Assuming your marriage is sound and your kids love you, if they are that unhappy, I wouldn't let things weigh too heavily on your mind at all.  The only thing I would be inclined to do differently is come clean and tell your employer sooner rather than later, and give *lots* of notice.

Within the past two years, I left a job where I wasn't especially happy, and as far down the road as I could see, things didn't look like I was going to ever be happy in that role, so I gave them *four months* of notice (I knew it was a difficult position to fill).

Even where I am at now...if the choice ever came down to "engineering" versus my "life away from work" I'd be outta there.

Hug your kids, kiss your wife, pet your dogs...if you need money, you can get *that* anywhere.

Regards,

SNORGY.

RE: Having to resign - as much as I don't want to

A few thoughts occur to me that are probably no help and are somewhat contradictory.

1) Family first is a two way street and we really have no idea how hard your wife and kids have tried to support your career before they pulled the plug and the rug.

2) Your boss should understand and respect the fact that you give the maximum notice, however this cannot be guaranteed. In every case where I resigned, the company asked me to stay on as long as possible, but I have in a position where tow of my subordinates gave me extra notice only to be told by my boss to finish up early because it was more convenient for the company if they finished at the end of the month rather than the middle of next month. One was pregnant and the other was moving interstate because of her husbands career.

When I resigned from that company, I gave them the mandatory minimum one weeks notice and not the customary pay period notice which in this case was one month on the eve that I was leaving for four weeks holiday. I explained that my reason was due to the poor way they treated my subordinates when they had done the right thing by me and the company.

3) There is no place like home, and while you are engaged with your career and colleagues, your wife was at home and bored and missing her family.

4) Australia is a place where many people are reluctant to leave. It is notorious for the fact that when multinationals send their high flyers here to gain experience in the international circuit to fast track their career path, they get an unacceptable drop out rate here as the expats choose not to take the next move if they can find an option to stay in Aus.

5) Aus is a very easy place to live and while on the surface is quite similar to the USA and the UK, attitudes and culture are quite different in a few significant details. When we travel, conduct that is normal, or even frank or honest or friendly in Aus, is seen as disrespectful, brash or rude in many other places.

Regards
Pat
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RE: Having to resign - as much as I don't want to

Airforce2,
It may make it easier on your employer if you allow them some flexibility in your leaving date.  My family and I have moved from US to Australia, Australia to US, and back again to Australia.  Twice this involved a time of separation from my wife and children, as either I went ahead to start work while they finished school, or they went ahead to start school while I finished work.  Eight months was the longest, with one quick trip between.  We made it work, and I imagine you can as well.   

RE: Having to resign - as much as I don't want to

(OP)
I wanted to say thanks to everyone for their thoughts and comments. I have appreciated each and everyone of them, thank you.

Is the general consensus that I tell work ASAP? My wife and kids leave in 3 weeks and I imagine I will feel very awkward telling them after the family has left. This is a bummer of monumental proportions and I am never good at breaking this sort of news. Nearly need to take a valium before telling my Supervisor type deal. I am feeling a lot of angst with this whole thing. I know it is going to be a shock and awe situation when I break it to them and I am dreading that.

My wife gave things a decent go here I guess. She came here for me, we sold everything in Australia and shipped what we kept, so this was meant to be a semi permanent move. Some time over the 12 months, my wife started to become very depressed. We live in an area where people are so unfriendly. It is something that we have never ever experienced before. Nobody is interested in us as much as we have tried to be social. This has dragged my wife down and our kids are starting to feel the effects now. Along the way I tried to change things in various ways, but it seems this whole Southern culture in this particular area just does not mesh with my wife who is distinctly Aussie. I am Australian, but I love the USA and it's people. This area is not very nice though and I would say it is not the typical USA (I can only say this from my experience based on traveling all over the USA). Anyway, she has just gotten to the point now where she will just sink into depression very deeply if I insist we stay. Moving to another area here is no longer an option. It is just at the point where I have no choice really and that is not a nice place to be.

I really enjoy my job, the variety and they are a great bunch of bloke to work with. I am learning lots each day from "Veteran" Engineers that would run rings around their Australian counterparts. Leaving the USA is hard because I leave a job I love, the life I love and some hopes and dreams.

This is the second time we lived here. Last time my wife had a teaching contract and we lived here for 2 years (different part of the state). I wanted to stay on longer as I got into a good job, but wife wanted to go after our son was born. I guess part of the coming back here was she wanted to make it up to me and try to make living here work.

In Australia I still operate my business (just a one man show with a couple of sub-contractors for larger projects). While projects in Australia are very quiet right now, it should not be too hard to scale the work load back up to full capacity again.

I am still trying to accept what is happening and even hoping that wife will get back to Australia and want to turn around and come back.

Thanks guys!

RE: Having to resign - as much as I don't want to

(OP)
Niwot;

Thanks so much for your e-mail and thanks so much for the kind words.

Your e-mail struck a cord with me. I guess at the end of the day the world will not end. My situation is that I don't have a choice with what is happening (kind of do, kind of don't if you know what I mean).

Thanks,


 

RE: Having to resign - as much as I don't want to

(OP)
Patprimer and Hokie66;

Your knowlege of Australia sounded good. Australia is a very laid back easy going place. Ever since I was a child, I held the USA in very high regard and wanted to live here. I just really like it here (not necessarily the City we live in right now). It is a vibrant and happening place. Engineering wise, I have the opportunity to work on a whole lot more diverse projects and gain some very good experience as well as work with some really nice people. I feel that I am treated very well at this Firm too.

My desire to stay here is fueled by two things I guess. 1 - The USA way of life and 2 - My career.

Sadly, my family does not share the same desires.

Hokie66; What was it like bouncing back between Australia and the USA that many times? Was it career based decisions to do that, or were you trying to decide what Country to live in? That must have been a hard transition?

 

RE: Having to resign - as much as I don't want to

(OP)
Ok, I think I am going to break the news to the Firm this week. My wife leaves soon, house is mostly all packed up and I just feel like I am being dishonest and ripping them off. I am not totally sure that my timing is right, but at the end of the day I want to be ethical and upfront with the company. I am ticked at myself for not giving my Supervisor some indicators of problems earlier than this, but I will have to live with that.

Here is my plan...

1.  I will e-mail my Supervisor and request a meeting. I will indicate that the meeting is urgent and we need to meet in private. I will just say briefly that there is a problem with things on the homefront and my tenure here. Our office is open plan and I need to get him along to talk. He is also stretched very thin and it is hard to get him alone.

2.  I will tell him the whole situation and what is happening. I will tell him that I wanted to tell him sooner, but my wife and I have fought like cats and dogs and I have tried very hard to talk her around. In the end it is a mess and she is leaving.

3.  I will express my interest in continuing to work for them up until end of January and that I need to due to finances as well as wanting to finish off current projects. I will also ask if I can continue to work remotely after that with me being available to make trips back to the USA if they need me to.

Does any of this sound good or bad? I would appreciate some feed back.

I know that I am doing the right thing by going (for the sake of my family), but it is still a very hard thing to do and I am not all that happy about it. I wish it could be another way.

Thanks again for all the replies on this post and various opinions, advice and just sharing of life's experiences.

It is greatly appreciated.

RE: Having to resign - as much as I don't want to

Airforce2,
No, it wasn't a difficult transition for me.  I married an Australian girl, we had two children while living in the US for the first 8 years of our marriage.  We moved to Australia in 1982, partly because my wife's mother was ill and partly for an adventure.  The move back to the US in 1992 was always intended as temporary, just for one project.  Then back to Australia for good (Brisbane this time) in 1994.  No regrets.  Good luck.

RE: Having to resign - as much as I don't want to

(OP)
Hokie66;

Ah, Brissie (Brisbane)... That is my old home town.

As of this time, we have tried the USA thing twice and it has just not worked for my wife.

International moving can really take it out of you, so I am glad it worked well for you.

Thanks,

RE: Having to resign - as much as I don't want to

I probably have a reasonable idea about life in Aus as I was born and raised in and about Sydney and have travelled nationally and internationally on business for many years and as I worked for mostly large multinationals at a reasonably senior level, I had a lot of exposure to colleagues based in various parts of the world and to expats transferred to Aus on a "temporary" posting.

Regards
Pat
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RE: Having to resign - as much as I don't want to

(OP)
I am sitting here at the end of my lunch break trying to get ready for the news I am going to break to my Supervisor. I plan to do this either Thursday or Friday this week. Before I do, does this sound like the best time?

This is a very hard thing to do and it is going to take a lot to psych myself up for the "meeting".

Thanks,

RE: Having to resign - as much as I don't want to

I would say the earlier in the week the better.  No use waiting for the last day of the week to say anything, as that only gives the entire weekend for a misunderstanding to take on a life of its own before Monday.  Earlier in the week, and it allows for a couple of days for the news to be absorbed, and hopefully you'll be at work (and available) if new questions come to light.

"Art without engineering is dreaming; Engineering without art is calculating."

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RE: Having to resign - as much as I don't want to

I would also recomend doing it in writing just so you can also add how much you enjoyed the work and company. For example:


Mr. Boss
Management and COMPANY NAME as a company have been instrumental in my growth as a Mechanical Engineer and as an employee.  For almost # years, I have gained experience and confidence through the challenging tasks within each program as well as the anlaysis, FEA, and test training classes.  

There for, I regret to inform you that I will be resigning.  My last day will be ####.  

My experience here has been very positive; I can only hope my future endeavors will lead me to return to COMPANY NAME

Sincerely,
Your Name

Tobalcane
"If you avoid failure, you also avoid success."  

RE: Having to resign - as much as I don't want to

and do a spell check....

RE: Having to resign - as much as I don't want to

Just do it.

Do it ASAP.

In writing handed over in person is best, that way nothing is missed but you can also explain if required.

I would start of with something like I am really sorry, but for personal family reasons I need to resign, then hand him the letter

Regards
Pat
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RE: Having to resign - as much as I don't want to

Pat's right.
Do it now.

There is nothing like spending a couple of weeks/months not sleeping and worrying yourself into a nervous breakdown then to do the deadly deed and find that:
a) they are completely understanding and sympathetic...
b) they could care less, its just the sort of thing that happens all the time
c) they hit the roof and turn really nasty (1 in 3?)

None of these is going to change with time and the only thing time gets you is ulcers and a worse atmosphere at home..
"Have you told them yet?"
"I'm waiting for the right time."
"When's that?"
"I don't know."
"Well, its easy, I'll just phone them up and tell them for you."
"No, don't do that. I'll do it. I will. Just not right at this moment."
"Just tell them. I don't understand what the problem is. If they didn't like your work do you think they'd agonise for weeks about telling you? Its a job, you didn't marry them or anything. You married me."
"You are going to tell them aren't you? I don't want to get off the plane back home and discover you aren't coming back after all."

Or words to that effect.
 

JMW
www.ViscoAnalyser.com

 

RE: Having to resign - as much as I don't want to

Agreed.

When my SO asked me to give up my life in USA, I put it to my boss the following day.

- Steve

RE: Having to resign - as much as I don't want to

(OP)
Thanks guys... I guess I just feel bad. They have thought all along that everything is going fine. Now all of a sudden I am resigning. Granted, things only really came to a crunch 3-4 weeks ago on the home front. Until then I thought there was hope and negotiation.

The office is in a huge panic at the moment with some tight deadlines, but I guess there will never be a good time to tell them.

Sompting guy, where did you move to? It sounded like you were happy to move?

Thanks again guys, with all you sharing similar situations I feel like I am not the only person this is happening to.

You have all helped me a lot, thanks. Now to brace myself and tell them...

 

RE: Having to resign - as much as I don't want to

Damn, caught with my trousers down...

I returned to the UK part of the same company, with the same boss.  Still quite a big and traumatic move though - not one I had planned.

- Steve

RE: Having to resign - as much as I don't want to

Panic, huh?

You'll feel a great sense of relief when they throw your ass out of there. ... as soon as you notify them.

Might as well book your tickets now...

Mike Halloran
Pembroke Pines, FL, USA

RE: Having to resign - as much as I don't want to

(OP)
I may not have indicated this, but the Firm I work for is a small Firm with no branch offices. It is just a small group here and we all get along very well...

I was wondering... Is there a way to put to them that I will need to work remotely as a result of my family needing to return to Australia? Can this be done? Can a resignation be done this way? I very much doubt they would be open to me doing this, but you never know unless you try. They have a hard time finding good people in this area (not that I consider myself to be anything to write home about). They sure took a chance when they hired me from Australia. Now I get to let them down...

Thanks,

RE: Having to resign - as much as I don't want to

Don't beat yourself up over this.  You aren't letting them down.  Just tell them asap and let things work themselves out.

RE: Having to resign - as much as I don't want to

With Thanksgiving next week, if you don't give your notice this week, make sure you do it first thing Monday morning.  Leaving it right before the holiday is a good way to really tick them off.

Contrary to what some have said here, many companies will appreciate that you are giving a couple months notice.  You are not going to a competitor, you are needing to move for family reasons and that does make a difference.  It is a risk, but I am the optimist and think that most companies would appreciate the notice you are giving, especially if you have been a valuable employee.

You are doing the right thing, family always has to come first if you want to remain a family.  It is unfortunate you did not move to the right area.  If you were in the neighborhoods I have lived in here in the Northeast, you would have been treated like family.  I wish you luck with your move back home and hopefully your family life recovers.

RE: Having to resign - as much as I don't want to

You are letting them down by not giving them fair notice. What is fair is very variable, but in this case I would say fair notice would have been to discus domestic problems related to the relocation with them as they occurred.

They may have had a solution or at least some hel. They may even have suggested remote work. You never know until you discus it. There is always risk. Every morning there is risk leaving the house. There is also risk by not leaving the house, so what do you do.

Regards
Pat
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RE: Having to resign - as much as I don't want to

(OP)
Thanks for the well wishes.

I am going to tell them. Either Monday or Tuesday. I have no intention of leaving them before January 23rd. I am even open to flying back here if they need me to. I am really going to leave a lot of it up to them and will do whatever I can to help them. They are overloaded at the moment with work (which is a blessing in this economy), so people are a little stressed.

I am hoping to put across the remote working scenario though. I still work on projects overseas and there is no problem. Internet, e-mail, skype and telephone all can be used with good results.

Thanks,

 

RE: Having to resign - as much as I don't want to

and Netmeeting allows presentations and whatnot to be shared as well.

Beyond that, there's not much to add.  I think you need to tell them ASAP, so that they can work something out with you.  Offer what you think are reasonable accommodations; unless they are complete idiots, they will reciprocate in kind.

TTFN

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RE: Having to resign - as much as I don't want to

If you want to work out the working remote thing I'd give them as much notice as possible.

If they really are decent folks etc, why so much dread?  Just talk to them about it and say you'd love to find a way to work remotely even if just to help the transition etc.

If on the other hand you think there's any chance of them walking you out, give up on the idea of working remote and only give them minimal notice required.

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RE: Having to resign - as much as I don't want to

I would tell them today instead of waiting for Monday.  Next week will be even more stress-filled due to Thanksgiving and people having to deal with the associated stress of out of town relatives, cooking, Christmas shopping, etc, etc.

"Art without engineering is dreaming; Engineering without art is calculating."

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RE: Having to resign - as much as I don't want to

(OP)
Here is the update...

I told my Supervisor (who is taking over the business with 3 others) on Monday. It was a somber meeting. He was quite sad about it, but took it well. I told him I was devastated and it was in no way my choice to go. I actually laid it all out there and for most of the meeting it was like two guys having a coffee together. All in all he understood. He told me yesterday that he spoke to the other Partners and the Owner of the Firm. They were sad and said I am going to be missed, but it sounds like they took it well also. I assured my Supervisor that I feel obligated to them and will stay until at least end of January to help them finish off my projects. I need to sit down with him and work out what projects there are left to wrap up and if it means I need to stay longer, then I will. Least I can do really... I don't know if they will expect me to refund the relocation they paid to me. He did mention that the Firm helped us out getting here, but it was not in a horrible way. The meeting went well really. If they want it back, then that is what I will do. I don't plan to accept the Christmas bonus if there is one.

Wife will be leaving with the kids next week, so I am still hoping she will get back home and encounter that the grass may not be as green as she thought. As time goes by though, I think I have to accept I am out of here. I hate that this has happened and really feel like I have let the Firm down. They took a chance on me, helped us move here and 13 months later we are going.

Anyway, just an update on what is happening.

On the lighter side of things, it looks like I get to enjoy living in an Extended Stay hotel for 2-3 months. Just like being on vacation right?

Thanks again for all your input. I really appreciated it and everyone that replied on this forum helped me through this hurdle in life.

Thanks and Happy Thanksgiving!  

RE: Having to resign - as much as I don't want to

Just a couple of points.

OK, first, it has gone better, I'd guess, than you expected and you'd probably have found it easier to do this a while ago if you thought it would go as well as this.

Second; you say your supervisor is taking over the business with some others.
That suggests that there were going to major changes soon anyway. You might not have liked those changes.
Especially if one of those changes might have been that they would decide to cut back on costs until they have paid back the purchase price and you might have been one of those overheads they were going to sacrifice.

No way of knowing, but the easier the escape the more likely it is that something of that sort was looming.

Indeed, they may already have been wondering how they were going to tell a guy they've dragged half way round the world that he is to be let go. Quick question: are the guys buying the business the guys who hired you? If so, then its a tough break because they probably planned ahead and you may have figured in the plans. If they weren't the chances have to include that they would see you as an overhaead not an asset.

You'd have to expect that in any significant ownership change, the first thing they do is look at what the monthly cost of buying the business is and try and recover some by reducing the head count.

So if you want a worst case scenario, you put loyalty to the company high on your list and put your domestic situation under considerable strain.
If your SO went home without you and you stayed on, only to get sacked, you could expect to find the locks changed when you get home again.
This is a very tough situation to recover from. You might get away with adultery, with staying on then leaving because you missed the SO too much, but putting the company up on a par with the SO and then having it fall apart not from your own choice, well.. it wouldn't be pretty.

Third, you've told them.
 
They've taken it well.
If they still offer an Xmass bonus, take it.
You'll have earned it, you won't have taken it under false pretenses and you may need it.
In point of fact you'll probably find a lot of people who would have no trouble waiting till they had trousered the bonus before 'fessing up.

You'll also find no trouble finding employers who will sack you just before benefits are due pensions or whatever.
You've been honest with them.
They know.
If they still pay a bonus, fine.
Take it.
In fact, if it is a bonus you are entitled to and they don't want to pay it, you should insist.

If they don't ask for any signing bonus or relocation moneys back, don't offer. Resist if they do.
Hell, you relocated didn't you? It cost money didn't it? There would have been some terms attached and if you fulfilled them, too bad for them.
They have to share some of the risk that you shared in leaving home.

Oh, and if you really want to upset your significant other, go ahead and suggest to her you will pay back relocation money if asked (whether they are entitled to ask for it or not) and that you intend to refuse a Christmass bonus if it comes to you and see how long your head stays on your neck.

I'm betting on about a nano-second, if it were my SO, yours may have slower reflexes.

Finally, and especially in view of this last, use some of the money to get some therapy (and some to take the SO out shopping etc. when you get back home).
You work, you get paid you are worth (you hope), and you earned any bonus coming that didn't have any conditions attached and you want to hand back money to a bunch of guys who would not show you the same consideration, not even if they'd like to: "but our hands are tied... duty to the shareholders" etc.

JMW
www.ViscoAnalyser.com

 

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