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Client Paws SO at Industry Party

Client Paws SO at Industry Party

Client Paws SO at Industry Party

(OP)

There are numerous industry events over the holidays and they are usually pretty tame affairs.  But there was one where a very drunk client of my SO's (significant other) was ALL OVER him.  She jumped into every photo we tried to have taken of the two of us, and then insisted on a 'private photo' with him alone.  

I just stood stone-faced watching her paw at him and sit in his lap until her coworker finally stepped in and pulled her off of my SO.  I still feel a bit unsure how to handle this.  Both of us work in the same industry, but for different companies.  Any kind of 'scene' would make the gossip rounds and make everyone look bad.  I still feel like I should have said something, but what?

I know from bartending experience that no one who's had too much to drink, but not enough to vomit or pass out, takes the news well.  And now I'm dreading Friday's two parties that I have to attend.

 

"If you are going to walk on thin ice, you might as well dance!"

RE: Client Paws SO at Industry Party

Other than being unprofessional, especially being at an industry event, it's the responsibility of your SO to lay the law down.  Besides, the woman is only doing a disservice to herself in the eyes of other company members.  It would be wise to execute a quick removal from the party for both you and your SO.

Personally (I know I'll get chastised for this), if some guy were hanging all over my wife, I would have broken him in half.  To tell you the truth, it would have happened right before he got to her based on my wife signaling me.  It's sorta like the "Bat Signal", but the response time is way faster.

Kyle Chandler
www.chiefengineering.net

 

RE: Client Paws SO at Industry Party

Your SO is the one that has to lay the hammer down, as kchan711 correctly noted.

I am not a sexist, but, in spite that I would have probably have had the exact same reaction as kchan mentions, I would expect a lady like yourself not to go down to blows.

Actually, if you SO handles it correctly it will make you look even better and discretely brushing the slut away.

HEY! And take it as a compliment, somebody thinks your SO is hot too!

So, what you have to do is talk to your SO. (and watch his body language, you want to make sure he actually wants to brush this lady away)

<<A good friend will bail you out of jail, but a true friend
will be sitting beside you saying " Damn that was fun!" - Unknown>>

RE: Client Paws SO at Industry Party

I'll agree and disagree with kchan on this one.

You need to express your dislike of her shenanigans to your SO (in a non-confrontational way, mind you), but mostly remind him that you would appreciate it if he would do whatever is possible within the realm of civility to discourage her... standing up when she goes to sit on his lap, when she goes in for a huge hug he can quickly roll out of it and into a two-armed hug with you, etc.

I do not feel you should leave the party, however, unless you both feel her advances are so over the top that diverting your attention to others is impossible.  If she insists on pushing between the two of you, that may be the case.  You should not allow her to ruin your enjoyment of the festivities, but you should also be able to discourage her advances without causing a scene (or rumors).
 

Dan - Owner
http://www.Hi-TecDesigns.com

RE: Client Paws SO at Industry Party

A little video would go a long way towards shaming.

RE: Client Paws SO at Industry Party

She's her SO's customer, though. There is a business relationship that probably wouldn't be wise to damage. I'd be very careful about shaming her. It would be the second to last resource, being the last a good punch.

<<A good friend will bail you out of jail, but a true friend
will be sitting beside you saying " Damn that was fun!" - Unknown>>

RE: Client Paws SO at Industry Party

I guess that I am just a little different.  Had that been me and my SO, the lady would have understood quite clearly that I was displeased and so would he.  It doesn't take a scene to make a point.  Always smile, but make your point understood.

RE: Client Paws SO at Industry Party

If I were your SO and my wife were you, I would get killed for not pushing back.  Your SO is not a lump on a log, so he needs to "delicately" extricate himself, for both their sakes.  If his client is sufficiently embarassed, she might not send further business his way in any case, so preventing that occurrence is best for all parties involved.

TTFN

FAQ731-376: Eng-Tips.com Forum Policies

RE: Client Paws SO at Industry Party

Somehow - he needs to take the first step and stop her.  A signal to you might be helpful in order for you to help him to disengage from her...

Of course - he may have enjoyed the attention - if so - then you and he need to have a talk..

RE: Client Paws SO at Industry Party

Cass, I think you did it about right.  Capucine might have worked just a hint of high-class disdain into her stoneface.

Guys can be taken out back for an attitude adjustment, and they'll get over it.  Women don't get over _anything_, especially if it's their own damn fault.

 

Mike Halloran
Pembroke Pines, FL, USA

RE: Client Paws SO at Industry Party

I agree with the others that it should be up to your SO to defuse the situation.  If she gets away with this type of behavior, she may begin to feel that she is entitled to continue in this manner.  If your SO really can't afford to lose her as a client, you just may have to grin and bear it for his sake.  If he can, he needs to define the boundaries to her in no uncertain terms.  Regardless, it is up to him to ensure that she understands that there are boundaries.

The Edge... there is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over. - Hunter S. Thompson
 

RE: Client Paws SO at Industry Party

Grow a thick skin and a short memory.

RE: Client Paws SO at Industry Party

(OP)

In defense of my SO, I don't think he could have done anything different.  The event was caught with my camera which I had given to a coworker of mine to get a photo of me and my SO, but then this attorney jumped into every shot and started pawing and saying that when wanted to go to a private place to get a photo of the two of them.  My SO said, no, I think right here in front of the gong will be nice.  It seemed like that was going to be it until he sat down at a table with another consultant and this woman sat in his lap.  I hardly got my entire sharp breath into my lungs when the attorney's coworker pulled her off.  My SO looked positively stricken.

We were on our way out anyway, so we quickly said goodbye to the host and left.  The only thing I told my SO is that I was disappointed that we didn't get a good shot of just the two of us.

It's not a good time right now to start offending your client base, so if I spot her on Friday, I'll probably just steer clear.  I'll tell my SO if I am nearby and she starts up, he should grab my arm and say, "I don't believe you've met my girlfriend, she works for XYZ and is an expert in painting, masonry stucco and structural problems.  Honey, didn't you want to go say hi to your client over there?"

I'll just smile and be pleasant, and tell this woman that she certainly brings the ho, ho, ho to the holiday party.


 

"If you are going to walk on thin ice, you might as well dance!"

RE: Client Paws SO at Industry Party

I've been there before.

When you're spoken for and at a do, you just can't beat them off fast enough.  Life isn't fair.

- Steve

RE: Client Paws SO at Industry Party

Cass' ... "she certainly brings the ho, ho, ho to the holiday party"
That's cute. Can I assume the underlying interpretation involved just the one ho' ?

cheers

RE: Client Paws SO at Industry Party

SO might mention something about you needing to go home and clean your guns...

 

Mike Halloran
Pembroke Pines, FL, USA

RE: Client Paws SO at Industry Party

(OP)

Yes, CBL.  I thought it was slightly better than looking around and proclaiming in a very loud voice that the skank patrol must be on break.

Mike, I'll have to run that by the SO.  He might also add that my brother the arms dealer (true), just sent a new shipment I was dying to try out (not true).

"If you are going to walk on thin ice, you might as well dance!"

RE: Client Paws SO at Industry Party

Cass, it sounds like you and your SO have it well in hand and you understand each other.

But it is a valuable reminder that office workers and party's don't always go well together.

The usual face saving device in these cases is for the transgressor to claim not to remember anything about the evening and for everyone else to assure them that nothing happened.

Office party's are a recipe for bad behaviour of some kind or other and to my mind should be strictly employees and SOs only. These are not the right forum to which to invite clients, that is just asking for trouble.

These days I don't go to office party's but my wife and I do enjoy going to conferences and to the gala dinners that are usually arranged. Mind, I only go if I am invited to speak, but that has taken us to at least one a year for the last few years. Last week we were in ANtwerp and it was a great do (apart from the fact we drove and she navigated and today is the first time she has spoken to me since we got back). But we trust each other implicitly and I know she is going to drag some poor guy off to the dance floor and generally have a good time. She may even get me onto the dance floor when I have had enough go juice inside me. Funnily enough, no matter how much seems to be drunk no one ever seems to go too far at these dos. It may be because they are concious that this is a professional forum.

But, again, I question the sense of inviting clients to an office party... too much to go wrong. Always suspect a manager who invites clients along as it suggests he wants to entertain on the cheap and hasn't thought it through. There is nothing so bad for a manager as when his clients see him get "roughed up" (verbally) by some aggrieved worker who has let his/her hair down just a bit too far.
 

JMW
www.ViscoAnalyser.com
 

RE: Client Paws SO at Industry Party

So someone had too much to drink at an office Christmas party and got flirty with some they shouldn't have done, probably woke up with a really sore head and deeply regretted what they did.

I am sure this has never happened before anywhere in the world and will never happen again.
 

RE: Client Paws SO at Industry Party

Too bad, so sad, be glad!

RE: Client Paws SO at Industry Party

cass

If it were my SO and me in the same situation:

My SO (formalized and documented)would have fired up on the hooch.

Been very agitated at the nerve of this woman (faced or not) regardless of her status as client, owner, VP etc.

The happs would not have went down as professionally as they did for you.

Good job, and well done.



 

RE: Client Paws SO at Industry Party

You may have handled it properly, but you might be missing an opportunity at a delicious helping of revenge served cold. Don't know about yourself, but every place I've worked at there was at least one career bachelor engineer with the social awareness of a baboon in heat. If so, make it a point to introduce them. If you know such a person, then let them know that a desperate woman needs their attention.

RE: Client Paws SO at Industry Party

Drumchaser,
in such circumstances, however innocent you may think you are, do you not also find you get accused of encouraging the "hooch"? i.e. having seen the "hooch" into an ambulance, would you not be next to feel the heat?

"Well you must have said something."
"I saw the way you looked at her."
"Women don't act that way for no reason." etc. etc.

In the circumstances, Cass is being very tolerant and understanding and her SO is a lucky man.

Myself, in a similar situation, could look forward to a very intensive grilling later on in which it will be asserted that I encouraged the woman, I must have encouraged her on some previous occassion, women don't behave like that for no reason.

I'm not sure how seriously my SO will actually take the actual case in hand but she will probably think it an opportune situation and will thus be sure to gather enough fuel for this to become a trademark feature in future arguments.

I would guess, an incident like this, properly prepared, would probably warrant the number 4 or number 5 spot in the list.... the list of crimes that is dragged out every time an argument starts and then goes off track (they all go off track because the cause of the argument is irrelevant and often fanciful) and my SO can start an argument at the drop of a hat, and she'll drop the hat if no one else will.

It may be 10 years or more before it drops low enough down the list not to get a mention except in biggish (two or three day) arguments.

Yes, some woman draping herself over me at a party would certainly get to 4 or 5 on the list.
If it were me, I'd wonder what I had done to the "hooch" that she would want to get me in bad with the SO.

JMW
www.ViscoAnalyser.com
 

RE: Client Paws SO at Industry Party

I also agree with JMW's view in that most, if not all, SO would have reacted as he postulates.  Particularly the female SOs.  Maybe sexist, but I think it is a stereotype that bears out the behavior.  

Given that Cass hasn't or didn't react that way is a nod to her professionalism.

Regards,
Qshake
pipe
Eng-Tips Forums:Real Solutions for Real Problems Really Quick.
 

RE: Client Paws SO at Industry Party

(OP)

You guys make me sound so noble!  I'll assure you that's not quite the case.  I have my hormonal moments, too.  I would attribute my reserve more to not drinking at these functions, and having the opportunity to reflect and study mistakes I've made in the past.

BTW, I did not see this woman at any other parties. I managed to not look foolish in front of people that may one day be my employer or client, and that's what counts most right now.   

"If you are going to walk on thin ice, you might as well dance!"

RE: Client Paws SO at Industry Party

I think that jmw has, at least, a valid viewpoint for HIS SO.  As the OP indicates, there are women, and there are women.  

Some act foolishly at parties and others don't.  Likewise, there are women who keep score, and those that don't.  Mine is in the former category.  It took about 5 yrs for her to drop from arguments my transgressions on our wedding day.

TTFN

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RE: Client Paws SO at Industry Party

Gee, and I thought it was just me....

Of cours, I'm intrigued to know what you are supposed to have done on your wedding day.
Funny, something I am alleged to have done on my wedding day remains in the top 5 and is still there so the more important question is what have you done that is so heinous it has replaced your wedding day transgressions?
How many other guys have "wedding day transgressions" in their SO's top five?
Where do party bloopers (and hot hooches) fit in in your list?
(I'll find out tonight as it is New Year and we are out for dinner with magicians and singers promised).

JMW
www.ViscoAnalyser.com
 

RE: Client Paws SO at Industry Party

>  Something to do with the limo, arranged by my best man, not showing up after the wedding

>  Something to do with someone rearranging the banquet seating so that her guests and family were all at the back of the banquet room.

Naturally, both were my fault.

TTFN

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RE: Client Paws SO at Industry Party

(OP)

IRstuff, You would NOT believe the things I thought of that would upset me so much as to bring it up repeatedly for years.  Your transgression hardly rates as one.

OK, jmw, you gotta spill it now. What is it that you reportedly did?

And as far as women keeping score, I guess I'm not one of those.  Too poor of a memory.  But I am planning a little bonfire tonight, just me and the SO.  I call it Burning the Baggage.

You talk about things that have been sticking points, or disagreements and when you resolve the problem, you figuratively burn the 'transgressions' of the other.  You also have to burn your own self-criticism. And then the issue is dead and gone.


   

"If you are going to walk on thin ice, you might as well dance!"

RE: Client Paws SO at Industry Party

Well now, I think it was the mistaken belief that I was busy working on the roof at my mothers house.... we got married in january and the weather was not good, the day we got married it poured buckets and significant other fell over on the way up the path to the church. That of course was my fault.
As for working on the roof, I was helping my brother-in-law who had undertaken this task but it was actually several days before our wedding.... but try telling her that.

Anyway, just survived the New Years Party OK, well I think I did, who knows what despicable act will be alleged to have taken place when we have our next argument.
I did inadvertently pat some lady's bottom.... but I avoided dancing with either of the two very attractive half Italian girls and their tall brunette friend so I think I'm OK.

Significant other fortunately can have a few too many herself at these does and her memory is sketchy.

Last year, for example, we celebrated New Year on Malta and, not having to drive and the booze being cheap, I had rather too many G&Ts and beers and sparky wines. We got back to our hotel and I got up to go to the bathroom and went through the wrong door. I spent some very anxious moments naked in the hotel corridor hammering on the door and trying to wake significant other to let me back in. You see, she could have posted this rather high on the list but she remembers not a thing about it.

Next time I shall have the door key handcuffed to my wrist...of course, you've got to be sober enough to remember to do that...


 

JMW
www.ViscoAnalyser.com
 

RE: Client Paws SO at Industry Party

J, problem solved... just get the SO drunk early on at every party and she won't remember any transgressions.


I'm finding the "little things" help avoid the "big arguments"... Dell was kind enough to provide me with a nice post-Chanukah present for the SO, a 22" widescreen LCD for the computer.  Her eyesight isn't what it used to be just a couple of years ago, so I thought this was a nice replacement.  The "little thing" on this occasion was changing the screen saver to a bouncy text message of "Dan Loves Me... smile", so she came home to a big ol' monitor with a nice message.  Won major brownie points for that one :)  Suddenly she couldn't remember what it was she wanted to pull a Spanish Inquisition on me about.

Dan - Owner
http://www.Hi-TecDesigns.com

RE: Client Paws SO at Industry Party

Nice idea if you could guarantee the life and soul of the party every time but it is a bit hit and miss whether I get Miss Party Animal or Mrs. Joe Stalin.

On the other hand, the judicious mix of booze can render her sleepy but if we get to that state of play I'd guess Mickey Finns are cheaper.

Yesterday was Miss Party Animal.

 

JMW
www.ViscoAnalyser.com
 

RE: Client Paws SO at Industry Party

Personal to MikeHalloran:
Never have I heard man/woman differences put so succinctly. That is definitely a nugget of the highest order.

Greg Robinson

RE: Client Paws SO at Industry Party

<blush>
 

Mike Halloran
Pembroke Pines, FL, USA

RE: Client Paws SO at Industry Party

I agree with unotec here.  Let him handle it, if it has not been already.

Mike McCann
MMC Engineering

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