Crazy handshakes
Crazy handshakes
(OP)
I'm looking for some opinions from the group in regards to a couple of recent handshake 'incidents' that I experienced.
Incident 1:
Last week I popped into the office of a colleague. Also there was one of his direct reports. I was recently promoted and moved to the head office so I had not met this person before. I introduced myself and then received an absolutely bone crushing handshake that lasted for an unusually long time...it was like he didn't want to let go. My initial reaction was that this guy is an @$$hole. From what I know of this guy he is a good guy and generally gets along well with everyone. However, now my impression of him, that I can't seem to shake, is that he is a total jerk.
Incident 2:
I had a software vendor in my office yesterday trying to sell me some expensive asset management tools. As per usual in these situations, there was the prerequisite before and after handshakes. This time it wasn't bone crushing but it was firmer then what I would consider normal or comfortable. What bothered me is that he twisted his hand in such away that it was on top and mine was twisted uncomfortably. If it wasn't for the handshake I doubt I would have anything negative to say about this person. I will be meeting him again in a few weeks and now my impression of him is slightly tainted.
My questions:
Am I overreacting? Can you really tell anything about someone from a handshake? I think I have a 'normal' business handshake. Nothing like this has ever lingered on my mind before. I'm wondering why these experiences have stuck in my head at all.
Incident 1:
Last week I popped into the office of a colleague. Also there was one of his direct reports. I was recently promoted and moved to the head office so I had not met this person before. I introduced myself and then received an absolutely bone crushing handshake that lasted for an unusually long time...it was like he didn't want to let go. My initial reaction was that this guy is an @$$hole. From what I know of this guy he is a good guy and generally gets along well with everyone. However, now my impression of him, that I can't seem to shake, is that he is a total jerk.
Incident 2:
I had a software vendor in my office yesterday trying to sell me some expensive asset management tools. As per usual in these situations, there was the prerequisite before and after handshakes. This time it wasn't bone crushing but it was firmer then what I would consider normal or comfortable. What bothered me is that he twisted his hand in such away that it was on top and mine was twisted uncomfortably. If it wasn't for the handshake I doubt I would have anything negative to say about this person. I will be meeting him again in a few weeks and now my impression of him is slightly tainted.
My questions:
Am I overreacting? Can you really tell anything about someone from a handshake? I think I have a 'normal' business handshake. Nothing like this has ever lingered on my mind before. I'm wondering why these experiences have stuck in my head at all.





RE: Crazy handshakes
RE: Crazy handshakes
Learn to shake hands appropriately so others don't form the wrong impressions of you.
"Art without engineering is dreaming; Engineering without art is calculating."
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RE: Crazy handshakes
I believe it is a personal thing. I have no idea whether I have a firm handshake or not, so have no idea what others think of me when shaking hands. But I feel a handshake should be firm. To me a really soft handshake indicates a lack of confidence. Whether that is true, I have no idea, just an opinion.
You sound as if you are viewing both of these handshakes a form of attack. I think you are over reacting. I bet the people you shook hands with have no idea how firm their handshake is, and didn't give it a second thought. I would suggest you do the same.
RE: Crazy handshakes
RE: Crazy handshakes
I stick with the basic handshake, then wash my hands.
Chris
SolidWorks/PDMWorks 08 3.1
AutoCAD 08
ctopher's home (updated Aug 5, 2008)
ctopher's blog
SolidWorks Legion
RE: Crazy handshakes
RE: Crazy handshakes
Twisting your hand on top is supposedly trying to display dominance. I can't remember for sure but I think a very firm handshake may have similar meaning.
http://www.speechmastery.com/hand-shake.html
KENAT, probably the least qualified checker you'll ever meet...
RE: Crazy handshakes
- Steve
RE: Crazy handshakes
"Art without engineering is dreaming; Engineering without art is calculating."
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RE: Crazy handshakes
Next handshake you have, try bowing down and kissing the dude's hand. You probably won't have to worry about another "manly" handshake from him again.
I don't buy into "you can tell a lot about a man from ___". (fill in the blank with: the way he shakes hands, the shoes he wears, his cologne, his handwriting, the car he drives, etc.). However, as MadMango said, it will affect the First Impression.
Worse than a dead fish handshake to me is the kind where someone grabs your fingers (as opposed to your hand) and crushes them. In one such incident, I politely offered to kick the gentleman in the grapes if he didn't stop crushing my fingers.
Cheers,
CanuckMiner
RE: Crazy handshakes
Plus, people who care about this read up on it and start using the handshake they are told means the thing they want to portray. So even if it starts out as nonsense it can develop some truth.
KENAT, probably the least qualified checker you'll ever meet...
RE: Crazy handshakes
The wet fish hand shake is what I normally get from women, which I feel that if they don't want to shake my hand, then don't (It's more acceptable to me than the wet fish).
But body language is a part of this, and like the saying, words have at least two meanings, could be the other meaning.
Why would an engineer want to move up into managment? And middle managment at that. It's very compettive, and burn outs, at some companies, don't take very long.
RE: Crazy handshakes
Plus remember, Engineers tend to be more analytical than the population at large. So just like advertising apparantly doesn't work as well on your typical engineer maybe the same goes for body language etc.
KENAT, probably the least qualified checker you'll ever meet...
RE: Crazy handshakes
- Steve
RE: Crazy handshakes
Maybe just having a bad day...or someone slipped something in my coffee.
RE: Crazy handshakes
I think that's why it stuck...shouldn't the sales guy being kissing my you-know-what if he wants me to buy his 6-figure box of binary magic.
RE: Crazy handshakes
RE: Crazy handshakes
or grabbing the middle finger and bending it backward over the wrist until he falls to his knees.
"If you are going to walk on thin ice, you might as well dance!"
RE: Crazy handshakes
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Chris
SolidWorks/PDMWorks 08 3.1
AutoCAD 08
ctopher's home (updated Aug 5, 2008)
ctopher's blog
SolidWorks Legion
RE: Crazy handshakes
The Goose:
Any handshake can be employed, but followed up with a pat on the bottom, a gentle squeeze for those special clients/'friends'
- Steve
RE: Crazy handshakes
Incident 2 smells of an over achiever. The palm down handshake could be their idea of saying "I'm your go-to salesman!"
Age, work experience, state of mind, all these and more play into your perception of what the handshakes conveyed. It is probably something you'll have to figure out.
"Art without engineering is dreaming; Engineering without art is calculating."
Have you read FAQ731-376: Eng-Tips.com Forum Policies to make the best use of these Forums?
RE: Crazy handshakes
I did have a situation in church one time when I was about 14. An elderly gentlemen offered me his hand during the sign of peace. He proceeded to crush my fingers as best he could - I guess he was trying to exemplify an element of manhood to me. Little did he know that I had been water skiing at least 4 days a week for the entire summer and my return grip made his eyeballs bulge...
For the OP's situation, I would directly ask them why they shake hands that way. Shine a light on how juvenile it is...
If you "heard" it on the internet, it's guilty until proven innocent. - DCS
RE: Crazy handshakes
"Wow, you have a very powerful grip. You must work out a lot ... but keep it up and you'll go blind."
RE: Crazy handshakes
I guess it comes down to your own style. If you tend to try to convey something with your handshake, you might think someone else might be doing the same. From your post, I think your handshake, for you, is trying to convey you are a professional and have a balanced appreciation/approach to matters.
I actually never paid attention to it before (I do dislike the 'dead fish' one a lot though) and never considered part of the personality. Now you have made me aware of the issue and will be hard to ignore.
This is in my opinion obviously, but it might be part of someone's personality if that someone uses it with a purpose. Otherwise, it's just fingers closing.
<<A good friend will bail you out of jail, but a true friend
will be sitting beside you saying " Damn that was fun!" - Unknown>>
RE: Crazy handshakes
Chris
SolidWorks/PDMWorks 08 3.1
AutoCAD 08
ctopher's home (updated Aug 5, 2008)
ctopher's blog
SolidWorks Legion
RE: Crazy handshakes
Actually, up until a couple of days ago, I thought a handshake was just fingers closing. I would have been happy to live out my days not knowing or thinking anything different. To top it off, I started a thread on it so it will now forever be tattooed on my mind. I have a meeting in a half hour...maybe I'll give the guy a hug.
RE: Crazy handshakes
You could just put your hand out and before the other person gets theirs out just start violently shaking your own. I seem to remember chuckling at this when I was about 7 or so.
Or just before he touches your hand you pull yours back and run it through your hair like the Fonz. Again, hilarious when I was a kid.
KENAT, probably the least qualified checker you'll ever meet...
RE: Crazy handshakes
RE: Crazy handshakes
Actually my Dad always used to use this term so I've heard it before.
KENAT, probably the least qualified checker you'll ever meet...
RE: Crazy handshakes
<<A good friend will bail you out of jail, but a true friend
will be sitting beside you saying " Damn that was fun!" - Unknown>>
RE: Crazy handshakes
RE: Crazy handshakes
If you don't want to shake my hand just say so, or say you have a cold or something.
RE: Crazy handshakes
I'm with you on the second rtpe. I honestly believe that the palm down is a dominance thing to which I invariably respond by twisting to the vertical (usually with a smart arse comment).
RE: Crazy handshakes
One thing that always creeps me out is guys with smooth, silky skin... or hands that are slightly greasy with moisturizing lotion. Blech!
I wonder what people think of the calluses, scars, nicks, and cuts on my hands... and the grease under my fingernails... it probably worries some (they probably go straight away to wash their hands).
RE: Crazy handshakes
"My questions: Am I overreacting?"
Yes.
Another story. I used to play competative table tennis and one guy had a reputation for not shaking the hands of his opponent as is customary. His team members were embarrised and eventually kicked him out. His reason was never really clear. I'd suggest the act of handshaking is more important that it's implementation.
RE: Crazy handshakes
By the way, salesmen are often trained not to offer the handshake but to respond when it is offered to them. This is simply because some "buyers" don't like to shake hands with salesmen (I know the feeling and in my list I include politicians, modern architects and lawyers (especially lawyers) but it gets a bit difficult when you want to include managers in your list as they are likely to take an unreasonable dislike to you).
Unotec, can we introduce you to Cass?
Cass, can we have a video playback posted here please?
JMW
www.ViscoAnalyser.com
RE: Crazy handshakes
I hate it when someone wants to shake my hand right after I've come out of the washroom and my hands are still a little damp. Sometimes I can get in an "I just washed my hands" disclaimer as they're making the grab so they're not disgusted, but sometimes I can't. And then I wonder if they read the Dilbert cartoon where Dogbert sneezes on his paw and then claims it's wet because he just washed it.
I've tried not shaking people's hands when I have a cold. Singers appreciate it. Businesspeople are taken aback. I don't think our culture has yet internalized that colds are spread more by hands than by air.
Ever since I saw a one-armed person do the upside-down left-handed handshake, I've adopted that for any time my right arm is occupied carrying something large. It doesn't seem to bother anyone.
Hg
Eng-Tips policies: FAQ731-376: Eng-Tips.com Forum Policies
RE: Crazy handshakes
I also wash if I handle doorknobs and gas pumps. It's not OCD, it's just gross.
Chris
SolidWorks/PDMWorks 08 3.1
AutoCAD 08
ctopher's home (updated Aug 5, 2008)
ctopher's blog
SolidWorks Legion
RE: Crazy handshakes
Hg
Eng-Tips policies: FAQ731-376: Eng-Tips.com Forum Policies
RE: Crazy handshakes
RE: Crazy handshakes
Much like wearing a tie every day. I suppose it's all symbolic and traditional. I do enjoy tradition in many things, but for some reason I can't explain, handshaking simply evades me. I form my impression of someone after a few minutes talking with them. Their handshake does nothing for me in that regard.
I'll respond with a rigid hand/palm in case they are a "crusher" and no firmer grip of the fingers than seems necessary or seems in line with the opposing shaker. I seldom think/remember to initiate a handshake. I don't really mind doing it... I just don't usually think of it.
The one style that kind of irritates me is when they close their hand before my hand is all the way in "the pocket" and wrap around just my fingers.
RE: Crazy handshakes
Right now, when I handshake Europeans or Americans I notice that usually I give a "dead fish" in their standards. It is not on purpose, but a fact of life. Even so, I try to adapt my handshake to the person that I am giving it to.
And I do not try to psychologically profile the person that I am speaking to by his or her handshake.
RE: Crazy handshakes
RE: Crazy handshakes
car salesmen are taught to twist hands like that, as a show of dominance. take it back from them by clasping your free hand on top of theirs (you've seen politicians do this, I'm sure).
and here in the USA south, it's considered a serious faux pas to offer your hand to a woman. wait till she offers hers. that's saved me from several bonecrushers...
RE: Crazy handshakes
Hg
Eng-Tips policies: FAQ731-376: Eng-Tips.com Forum Policies
RE: Crazy handshakes
JMW
www.ViscoAnalyser.com
RE: Crazy handshakes
If you "heard" it on the internet, it's guilty until proven innocent. - DCS
http://www.eng-tips.com/supportus.cfm
RE: Crazy handshakes
KENAT,
Have you reminded yourself of FAQ731-376: Eng-Tips.com Forum Policies recently, or taken a look at posting policies: http://eng-tips.com/market.cfm?
RE: Crazy handshakes
I'm pretty sure that it's just natural for him now. I twisted his arm again and smiled at him, then he remembered and released his grip with a smile.
If you "heard" it on the internet, it's guilty until proven innocent. - DCS
http://www.eng-tips.com/supportus.cfm
RE: Crazy handshakes
RE: Crazy handshakes
I've been down that road as well. After you try to make the offender aware of his action by straightening his hand and he is still unaware of it, I have asked, "what's with the domination gesture"? You should here some of the stuttering explanations!
RE: Crazy handshakes
All salemens seems to believed that a crushing handshake signals credibility.
I arab cultures e.g. (at least in the Gulf) men almost only touches each others hands when they shake. That takes a little getting used to.
Best regards
Morten
BTW: The hugging thing that has become more popular here in Denamark was actually a methode for verifying that the person you greet is not carrying a consealed weapon - sort of like "frisking".
RE: Crazy handshakes
RE: Crazy handshakes
Hg
Eng-Tips policies: FAQ731-376: Eng-Tips.com Forum Policies
RE: Crazy handshakes
Someone who causes you obvious pain but doesn't change his MO is either a sadist, alpha-hole, or completely oblivious to the feelings of others. The other person's body language and eye contact can all reveal certain aspects of their personality.
TTFN
FAQ731-376: Eng-Tips.com Forum Policies
RE: Crazy handshakes
Hg
Eng-Tips policies: FAQ731-376: Eng-Tips.com Forum Policies
RE: Crazy handshakes
However, for a woman, there's a confusing mix of tradition and modernism and sexism. A firm handshake from a woman has historically been read as being "butch," while the dead fish handshake is probably a cultural holdover from the days when women didn't shake hands, since they were rarely armed, and would have had no need to demonstrate peaceful intentions.
TTFN
FAQ731-376: Eng-Tips.com Forum Policies
RE: Crazy handshakes
I don't have the opportunity to shake hands with many women, so I wouldn't know if most of them give that weak, limp type. But I've had men shake my hand with too delicate of a grip. It usually makes me look to see what's wrong with their hand.
Rarely have I encountered the too strong handshake, but then I have a strong grip and not terribly delicate bones.
I think a lot of people have a low level of body awareness in general. I would not expect most to be able to tell how hard they grip much less read the other person's body language for a signal to loosen the grip.
"If you are going to walk on thin ice, you might as well dance!"
RE: Crazy handshakes
KENAT,
Have you reminded yourself of FAQ731-376: Eng-Tips.com Forum Policies recently, or taken a look at posting policies: http://eng-tips.com/market.cfm?
RE: Crazy handshakes
JMW
www.ViscoAnalyser.com
RE: Crazy handshakes
RE: Crazy handshakes
So is there a difference if a girl offers you her left or right hand?
RE: Crazy handshakes
Its a good defensive jujitsu move if someone is coming at you with a knife but works even better as a hilarious conversation starter if someone greets you with a handshake that is too firm for your liking.
As a serious answer to the original question...yes you're overreacting.
RE: Crazy handshakes
I am great at concentrating and I actually get very distracted by handshakes. It is typical for people to give you their name just before or while shaking your hand and my concentration on the act of the handshake almost always makes what I hear (the name) never enter my consciousness. Therefore...with me...a great handshake = I don't know your name.
Wonder if anyone else's single track mind defies them in this way.
RE: Crazy handshakes
Is it ok to use the Jujitsu move on a girl? (Only as a hilarious conversation starter... of course)
RE: Crazy handshakes
- Steve
RE: Crazy handshakes
As for the crazy handshakes, they might be signs of manipulation or one-upmanship. Maybe a guy wants to prove his strength or maybe he wants to catch you off guard and make you yell, thereby diminishing your stature in the presence of others. Perhaps he feels that you appear strong and confident and he wanted to take you down a notch.
I have often been turned off by crazy handshakes. Most often, it is when the other person grabs the ends of my fingers instead of doing a full hand grasp. I have yet to figure out what that means. It is too wierd to contemplate. I suppose it means that the other person is afraid that I might put a death grip on them and they want to avoid that fate. However, since I have done nothing to give that impression, I have to suppose that they are trying to manipulate me somehow.
In your case, I definitely feel that some form of manipulation is being attempted. Think about what impression you may have given to make someone react that way. If you don't come up with anything, you may be interacting with sociopaths.
RE: Crazy handshakes
RE: Crazy handshakes
Hg
Eng-Tips policies: FAQ731-376: Eng-Tips.com Forum Policies
RE: Crazy handshakes
KENAT,
Have you reminded yourself of FAQ731-376: Eng-Tips.com Forum Policies recently, or taken a look at posting policies: http://eng-tips.com/market.cfm?
RE: Crazy handshakes
Otherwise I don't put much stock in handshakes for most of the reasons listed above. Could have been an accident, could have been intentional. If it was intentional there will most likely be other issues that arise during the meeting; they are also likely to be more hampering towards your objective than the handshake.
Although I have to laugh at the facial expression when, every once and a while, there are no towels left in the restroom and somebody grabs my soaking hand after I walk out (washed of course). I think that would be the worst.
RE: Crazy handshakes
Cheers
Greg Locock
SIG:Please see FAQ731-376: Eng-Tips.com Forum Policies for tips on how to make the best use of Eng-Tips.
RE: Crazy handshakes
RE: Crazy handshakes
Cheers
Greg Locock
SIG:Please see FAQ731-376: Eng-Tips.com Forum Policies for tips on how to make the best use of Eng-Tips.
RE: Crazy handshakes
When the no-towels-in-the-bathroom thing happens to me, I go and grasp a friend's bare arm with both hands and say, "Could you come help me get my keys out of the toilet? I dropped them by mistake."
If you "heard" it on the internet, it's guilty until proven innocent. - DCS
http://www.eng-tips.com/supportus.cfm
RE: Crazy handshakes
And then I wonder if they read the Dilbert cartoon where Dogbert sneezes into his paw and then moments later shakes hands with someone and says, "Excuse my wet paw, I just washed it."
Hg
Eng-Tips policies: FAQ731-376: Eng-Tips.com Forum Policies
RE: Crazy handshakes
RE: Crazy handshakes
RE: Crazy handshakes
Or maybe you just judge it on the size of the eyes of the person you are shaking hands with.
RE: Crazy handshakes
KENAT,
Have you reminded yourself of FAQ731-376: Eng-Tips.com Forum Policies recently, or taken a look at posting policies: http://eng-tips.com/market.cfm?
What is Engineering anyway: FAQ1088-1484: In layman terms, what is "engineering"?
RE: Crazy handshakes
And since we are engineers, should we not look at why we shake hands to determine how to shake hands?
If we take the premice that shaking hands is to show we have no weapons, then a wimpy hand shake will do.
If we take the premice we need to some how impress the other person, then an over powering hand shake is right.
So maybe the reason is somewhere inbetween.