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The ENGLISH Language...
4

The ENGLISH Language...

The ENGLISH Language...

4
(OP)
A friend sent this post to me a few days ago.  Thought I'd share...

YOU THINK ENGLISH IS EASY?

Can you read these right the first time?

01) The bandage was wound around the wound.

02) The farm was used to produce produce.

03) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

04) We must polish the Polish furniture.

05) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

06) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

07) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

08) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

09) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting, I shed a tear.

19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

**********************

Let's face it, English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England nor French fries in France .

Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital, ship by truck and send cargo by ship, have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

PS. - Why doesn't Buick rhyme with quick?

 

****************************

You lovers of the English language might enjoy this:

There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is UP.

It's easy to understand UP , meaning toward the sky or toward the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP ? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP ? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report ?

We call UP our friends. We use something to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, warm UP the leftovers, and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car. At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is special .

And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP . We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.

We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP! To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost ¼th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions. If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP , you may wind UP with a hundred or more.

When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP  When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP  When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP. We could go on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now my time is UP, so: Time to shut UP !

**********************

Mike McCann
MMC Engineering

RE: The ENGLISH Language...

Weird language, but all datasheets are in English...No way, I must use it :S

RE: The ENGLISH Language...

You think this is bad, Try having a wife who is learning English as a foreign language to an academic level. She is screaming at you 'But Why?' and the answer, because thats the way it is.

One of two things has to happen, she passes the exams or I die one day.

Death by frustrated wife due to language oddities, is it a legal defense?

RE: The ENGLISH Language...

Walter,

I'm sure you'd have a case in France or Quebec. :)  BTW, if she is getting an academic training in English, why would she be questioning the "why" of anything?  The school should be explaining that English is derived from many difference languages that influenced it speakers as various times in the past.  Spelling rules are result of words being from difference sources, in combination with being locked in by the advent of the printing press prior to pronunciation changes.  For example, the silent "e" in words like "crane" used to be pronounced; but like the French, we eventually dropped off saying the last syllables of many of our words.  Some spelling quirks where then adopted as pronunciation rules; as in the silent "e" means the preceding vowel was "long" even though before it was "long" regardless of the "e" at the end.

Matt Lorono
CAD Engineer/ECN Analyst
Silicon Valley, CA
Lorono's SolidWorks Resources
Co-moderator of Solidworks Yahoo! Group
and Mechnical.Engineering Yahoo! Group

RE: The ENGLISH Language...

Well, at the point they write that on your death certificate, I'd say your legal woes are pretty much at an end. winky smile

RE: The ENGLISH Language...

Supposedly the first English English dictionary was created by someone with a strong regional accent and hence 'unusual' pronuncition.  This is one theory as to the route of a lot of the weird spellings.

KENAT, probably the least qualified checker you'll ever meet...

RE: The ENGLISH Language...

Kenat, I must offer you my contrafibularities for that post.

- Steve

RE: The ENGLISH Language...

Sompting, if I'd written the first dictionary I'd dread to think what state the English Language would be in today.  50/50 mix of Hampshire Brogue and Cockney ish.

KENAT, probably the least qualified checker you'll ever meet...

RE: The ENGLISH Language...

LOL

Despite their dramatic lack of logic, I guess English is easier to learn than any Mediterranean languages, with all the bunch of verbal forms and rare letters (rolling R's etc.)
The sound of some words like 'splash','cut', 'flush' or 'clutch' makes easier remembering their meaning.  Others like 'pipeline', 'sidewalk' or 'shoemaker' are almost obvious.

Efficiency:
I go, you go, we go, they go... (5 elements to learn)
German:
Ich gehe, du gehst, wir gehen, Sie geht... (8 elements)
Spanish:
Yo voy, tu vas, nosotros vamos, ellos/ellas van... (9 elements)
French:
Je vais, tu vas, nous allons, ils/elles vont (9 elements)
Italian:
Io vado, tu vai, noi andiamo, loro/Loro/essi vanno (10 elements)

No comments...

RE: The ENGLISH Language...

Sidewalk, you mean pavementwinky smile.

KENAT, probably the least qualified checker you'll ever meet...

RE: The ENGLISH Language...

Well, OK..English is not so easy. No feelings ;)

RE: The ENGLISH Language...

I am learning...

Forever Young

RE: The ENGLISH Language...

It is kinda strange to me that there are male and female forms to they in other languages.  Are there no mingled groups? :)

I think English is quite unique (at least in America) where we have several ways to address a mixed group of people including "y'all", "all'y'all" (presumably a larger group made up of more than one smaller groups),  and "guys" (though Southern women still object to this one).  

It is recommended, however, to avoid the term "you people" when addressing any group.  lol

Matt Lorono
CAD Engineer/ECN Analyst
Silicon Valley, CA
Lorono's SolidWorks Resources
Co-moderator of Solidworks Yahoo! Group
and Mechnical.Engineering Yahoo! Group

RE: The ENGLISH Language...

At least in Spanish, mingled groups become male, just like the "you guys" case.
Of course, inpractical and hated by feminism :)

RE: The ENGLISH Language...

Italian is the same.  Mingled groups become masculine and are addressed as tutti.

RE: The ENGLISH Language...

Kenat,

The sidewalk is not the pavement, it is the footpath.

RE: The ENGLISH Language...

Noooo, you missed the point.   KEnat was translating for you.

Sidewalk (US) = Pavement (UK)

Footpaths in the UK are generally unconnected with roads, whereas pavements generally border them.

- Steve

RE: The ENGLISH Language...

Sidewalk (US) = Footpath (Australia)

I only know the US and Oz lingo.  When I go to the UK, I have to take an interpreter.

RE: The ENGLISH Language...

FYI, these are the definitions from my "Little OED":

pavement n. covering of street, floor, etc., made of stones, tiles, wooden blocks, asphalt, etc., esp. paved footway at side of road.

side~walk, U.S. pavement at side of road.

foot~-path, for pedestrians only.


(I realise other flavours of English have subtle and valid differences - my intention is only to clarify UK usage)

- Steve

RE: The ENGLISH Language...

Thanks Sompting.  

hokie was using the common ENGLISH word, not some colonial slangwinky smile.

KENAT, probably the least qualified checker you'll ever meet...

RE: The ENGLISH Language...

Doh I just turned the insult on myself.

Make that "hokie I was using the common ENGLISH word, not some colonial slang."

KENAT, probably the least qualified checker you'll ever meet...

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