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Keeping my mouth shut
18

Keeping my mouth shut

Keeping my mouth shut

(OP)
I have a real problem keeping my (work related) opinions to myself at work.  

In particular I always put my foot in it with one of the Engineering Directors.

I know I should just nod/say yes/ask how high but I find myself telling the truth.

For instance he was over today asking one of my colleagues why he hadn’t created a rendered image of our new tool using our CAD system for him to put on his wall yet.  Although I tried to be extremely subtle in doing so I couldn’t help but begin to point out it may not be the best use of his time.  To do so could easily take an hour and when we’re so behind on a project they had to have lay-offs I can’t help but think it’s not a real priority.  While it was fairly light hearted I have a hard time reading this guy.

A couple of weeks ago we were talking about IT prioritization.  Someone said that PCs should be assigned based on needs; e.g. the people that do FEA/CFD analysis or model large assemblies etc should get the best PCs with large flat screens, upgraded every year or two.  These PCs should be flowed down to less intensive CAD users etc and so on until people that only use their PC for sending email etc get a 4+ year old machine with a 17” CRT.  I foolishly pointed out this would never happen as senior staff wouldn’t except some old Pentium and a 15” CRT.  The same director didn’t see the funny side, again fairly light hearted but none the less, probably not a very smart move on my part.

So any tips, maybe counting to 10 before inserting foot in mouth etc.

Or maybe any amusing stories to share.

KENAT, probably the least qualified checker you'll ever meet...

RE: Keeping my mouth shut

My tip would not be to joke with people you don't know very well. And even then if they look hurt, apologise and explain. My more Machiavellian friends would say that whenever communicating you should consider what exactly you are trying to achieve, by sending the message.

Now of course, those are both excellent bits of advice. I'm sure if I had paid any attention to them I'd be doing something else!

Cheers

Greg Locock

Please see FAQ731-376: Eng-Tips.com Forum Policies for tips on how to make the best use of Eng-Tips.

RE: Keeping my mouth shut

2
Currently I am contracting.  My on-site report (can't call him "boss") joked that he doesn't have to give me vacation because I am a contractor.  I replied that I don't request vacation, I take vacation.  I went on to point out that my vacation notices do not contain any question marks or use the words "May I".

Looks I may be taking an involuntary "extended" vacation sooner than expected???

RE: Keeping my mouth shut

(OP)
Glad I'm not the only one.

Tick hope the vacation isn't too extended!

I wonder how much of it is cultural, I'm thinking Brit from small Defense company background just doesn't fit well in American mid size semi conductor/high tech company!

I just tried creating the image, as my olive branch/laying down my sword but the CAD system crashes before I can make it look pretty.

KENAT, probably the least qualified checker you'll ever meet...

RE: Keeping my mouth shut

It's safest to assume that a Director level employee has had his sense of humor shot off in some prior conflict.

Give 'em the Yes Sir/ No Sir routine, don't make jokes, don't repeat rumors, don't make a statement that you can't prove unequivocally ... and don't criticize the bureaucracy, even in jest; it's their baby.  Brit humor in particular will be misunderstood in the worst possible way.







Mike Halloran
Pembroke Pines, FL, USA

RE: Keeping my mouth shut

2
For instance he was over today asking one of my colleagues why he hadn’t created a rendered image of our new tool using our CAD system for him to put on his wall yet.  Although I tried to be extremely subtle in doing so I couldn’t help but begin to point out it may not be the best use of his time.

Is it possible that he thought that butting into someone elses conversation might not have been the best use of YOUR time?

RE: Keeping my mouth shut

I worked for a Japanese run company, and wow... let me tell you, they do not have a sense of humor.  There would be many times, I would crack a joke about a product failure, or recent firing.  The Americans would chuckle and find it funny, however the Japanese would look at you like you just slayed the first born of Japan.  After a while, I learned to keep my jokes and off the collar remarks to my group of friends, and go with the smile and nod with everyone else.

RE: Keeping my mouth shut

9
sbozy25

I'll have to disagree a little.  I've worked with the Japanese on several proejcts before and have found them to have quite a sense of humor, a little different than ours, but quitre humorous in their own way.

Having worked with them I can tell you they do not take failure lightly, it's deathly serious - product failures and firings (someone failed) is taken as an afront to their honor.

I have to agree with TPL, just focus on the issues that affect you and your tasks directly.  If you're asked to comment on IT plans or your co-workers prodcutive time, then by all means say what you think, otherwise I'd stick to the title of the posting.

Greg Lamberson, BS, MBA
Consultant - Upstream Energy
Website: www.oil-gas-consulting.com

RE: Keeping my mouth shut

TPL picked up on what I was going to comment on.

In addition, in your original post, you said:
"I couldn’t help but begin to point out it may not be the best use of his time" "To do so could easily take an hour and when we’re so behind on a project they had to have lay-offs I can’t help but think it’s not a real priority"
and
"I just tried creating the image, as my olive branch/laying down my sword but the CAD system crashes before I can make it look pretty."

Can I assume, you were making the olive branch image at work?  

RE: Keeping my mouth shut

I have the same problem.  I am leaving my company and my (new) boss was asking me who I recommended as my replacement (middle manager).  I told him that he didn't really need to hire a replacement because he had already begun to directly task my people, making it hard to manage the group.

To prevent further foot-mouth collisions, don't say a word, but perhaps written emails would serve your causes better?  By the time you get all the vitriol out of your system, you'll have a chance to rewrite a few times, and really make your point with the emotional aspects (and humor) removed.

"Art without engineering is dreaming; Engineering without art is calculating."

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RE: Keeping my mouth shut

KENAT:

Two things I wish to tell you.

First, I read a lot of your posts on this forum and I happen to like your humor a lot.  In this forum your humor is normally right on target.

Second, I share your characteristic of opening my mouth numerous times when I really should not.  I don't have the answer for you, but in my case I grew up compensating for not being a particularly popular person by trying to be the "class clown".  It has been a trait I have fought all my life, with some success but not that much.

The only real advice I can give you is if the target of your humor is yourself instead of someone else, you may be more successful in not hurting relationships with those around you during those times you just cannot get those jaw muscles to clamp shut.  I have spoken when I should have been silent many times, but when I make myself the target I find a lot less resentment out there from others.

I hope this helps some.

debodine

RE: Keeping my mouth shut

Think before you speak.

Stop opening your mouth only to swap feet.

Wear clean socks.

Brian

RE: Keeping my mouth shut


I deal with the same tendancy, KENAT.  All the time:

Proverbs 26: 4-5

4 Don't answer a fool according to his foolishness,
    or you'll be like him yourself.

5 Answer a fool according to his foolishness,
    or he'll become wise in his own eyes.

RE: Keeping my mouth shut

Ken

As mentioned before I worked for CAT at one point a few years ago and (I am NOT taking a pot shot at any body) one of the things that I noticed was the difference in humour level that the US guys displayed as you went up thru the management tree. Guys at my level, laugh and joke even into the realms of bawdy humour. Guys above me, serious and restrained. Funny thing was when we all socialised, these work related barriers suddenly came down.

Conclusion, US managers take managing seriuously.

So the advice from me is unfortunately, remember your place and remember that those above you are there to be serious. The more serious you are, the more you reflect them and the better they will like you......

PS I found that SSSOOOOOOOO difficult

Kevin

“It is a mathematical fact that fifty percent of all doctors graduate in the bottom half of their class." ~Author Unknown

"If two wrongs don't make a right, try three." ~Author Unknown

RE: Keeping my mouth shut

In university I was once talking to a professor of mine about a project I was working on for his course. He said something along the lines of "In chapter xx of my book you'll see the formula..." and my smart-a** reply was "You wrote a book?"... It was the class textbook. I don't think I did so well on that project.

RE: Keeping my mouth shut

Kenat,

At meetings you can waste multiple peoples time at once, so stick to the facts. Only talk if you have something to add to the topic and then only to convince the people that will be making the decision.

Making a joke out of things is important (my father once told me that it is not worth doing something if you cant laugh about it) but there is a time and place for it.

It also makes it seem that you are not taking the task seriously when you joke about it all the time.

csd

RE: Keeping my mouth shut

(OP)
Well thanks all, most have confirmed what the smart part of my head says, now I just need to get my heart/mouth to stay in line.

In answer to a couple of points:

TPL: as I meant to imply he was being fairly light hearted and it was kind of a group discussion.  So I wasn't really butting in, but it may not have been a smart move to even open my mouth.  The IT conversation was also a group effort, but again doesn't mean I was smart to join in.

monkeydog: I was doing the olive branch image at work but A: I stayed late so arguably wasn't on work time.  B: while my computer was crunching away I was working on something else so I only spent a few actual minutes on it.  I have plenty of stuff to do 'offline' my colleague doesn't so much so freezing up his computer would basically mean there wasn't much of use he could do.

Anyway, off to see if I can make it 10 hours without opening my mouth only to change foot.

KENAT, probably the least qualified checker you'll ever meet...

RE: Keeping my mouth shut

Eng-Tips helps me keep my mouth shut somewhat.

There are frequently threads concerning work issues that are bothering me. I post replies to threads that may be humorous or may reek with frustration over current situations. Helps me think through work situations better and vent some of the frustration outside of work.

Although, sometimes after I post something, I want to red-flag myself, but I find people have already replied indicating similar feelings.

RE: Keeping my mouth shut

I have written many a reply and then just killed it.  Like email really.  Just a shame there's no delay-send option for one's gob.

RE: Keeping my mouth shut

I feel for you, Kenat. I'm originally from the east coast (US) and now live in the overly politically correct Seattle area. I have no problem calling anyone out on the carpet, including senior management, or lobbing a joke, or making an off-color comment. While it took me a while, I finally figured out who/what/when and haven't had (m)any problems. Although I've literally been used as an HR example of how not to act/talk (I used to call the HR manager at my previous company "chicky-poo"), most people look beyond this "shortcoming" and see the value I bring to the group and/or company and that I'm pretty harmless. I guess what I'm trying to say is that self-censorship is hard to learn but can take you far. Just choose your time and targets carefully.

Jeff Mirisola, CSWP
CAD Administrator
SW '07 SP2.0, Dell M90, Intel 2 Duo Core, 2GB RAM, nVidia 2500M
http://designsmarter.typepad.com/jeffs_blog

RE: Keeping my mouth shut

As with many public speaking problems, paying attention to your mannerisms is really critical.  A typical example would be the ubiquitous "um."  In our college public speaking class, we were videotaped and made to count the number of times we said "um" or "aa."

Same with snide or sarcastic remarks.  Certainly, you'd almost never make those types of remarks with an unfamiliar customer.  Therefore, you have the technology to monitor and control such behavior.

TTFN

FAQ731-376: Eng-Tips.com Forum Policies

RE: Keeping my mouth shut

(OP)
csd, it wasn't a formal meeting, at those I normally manage to behave myself, at least if anyone outside my immediate department is there.  One of my pet peeves here is the amount of time wasted in meetings so I try and keep it short and try to make sure there are some kind of notes/action list etc from the meeting so it wasn’t in vain.

He'd come over to our area and started talking in a fairly light hearted manner (at least having known him for 2 years I think it was light hearted but as others have pointed out if I’m not sure…), if he’d have been more serious I’d probably have managed to keep my mouth shut.

Part of it is definitely my twisted sense of humor.  

My direct boss arranges Christmas parties.  At them we do some gift exchange thing, kind of a white elephant idea.  At my first one we had to spend at least $10 or something like that.   It’s not really my kind of thing but none the less I went to the book store to try and find something that would appeal, a number of them in my group had talked about biographies of various test pilots etc so I figured something like that may well be appreciated.  I happened to see Nanotechnology for Dummies.  Given that’s the field our company is in, and that all in my group were from Defense/Aerospace backgrounds and not up to speed on nanotechnology I thought it might be both amusing and actually perhaps useful.  

I was wrong.

Nobody wanted it and in the gift swap part the director I mentioned in a previous post ended up with it.

Last Christmas I’d learned my lesson and made a beer/bar snack basket instead.  It went down a lot better.

KENAT, probably the least qualified checker you'll ever meet...

RE: Keeping my mouth shut

I agree with not joking with someone you don't know very well, especially at work. Kenat, you had good points.
Also, when a manager or director wants to use valuable time and resources for a useless picture on his wall, it's back on him if a project gets behind because of it.
I had the opposite happen to me. I was reprimanded for learning SolidWorks on my own (during lunch and breaks)several years ago. I was creating cool pictures with shading. I came across a new project that may come our way and quickly modeled it. About a month later, to win the bid, the customer wanted a model. I had it to them within 15 minutes. We won a 40 year program.
If I feel it is in best interest to the company, I will do extra work out of my job scope and I will speak my mind to a manager (if I can support it).

Chris
SolidWorks 07 4.0/PDMWorks 07
AutoCAD 06
ctopher's home (updated 04-21-07)

RE: Keeping my mouth shut

(OP)
I've done work on my own back too, so far it's never blown up in my face.

Quote:

Also, when a manager or director wants to use valuable time and resources for a useless picture on his wall, it's back on him if a project gets behind because of it.

Sadly doesn't seem that way.  Project is behind schedule, hence revenues are down as most customers are waiting for the new tool.  Hence 40 positions were eliminated, including my checker whos duties I now get.

The proverbial only flows down hill, if you try sending it back up it comes back down amplified.

KENAT, probably the least qualified checker you'll ever meet...

RE: Keeping my mouth shut

I too had this problem when a young engineer when someone reminded me that God gave us two ears and one mouth...

Use accordingly.....

RE: Keeping my mouth shut

I got asked once to itemise all my time spent on a project because they didnt believe that this was taking so much time. I spent 2 days putting a task to each and every hour I spent on it.

It was a complete waste of time, and put me behind 2 days on all my current projects. But what the management wants the management gets, ultimately it is their decision how my time is allocated.

csd

RE: Keeping my mouth shut

I just had to share this with regards to management, seems appropriate:

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a man below. He descended a bit more and shouted, Excuse, me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."
 
The man below replied, "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."
 
"You must work in Quality Control," said the balloonist.
 
"I do," replied the man, "How did you know?"
 
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I've no idea what you're talking about and the fact is I'm still lost.  Frankly, you've been no help at all.  If anything, you've just delayed my trip and wasted my time."
 
The man below responded, "You must be in Management."
 
I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
  
"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you’re going.  You have risen to where you are due to a load of hot air.  You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems.  The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."

Greg Lamberson, BS, MBA
Consultant - Upstream Energy
Website: www.oil-gas-consulting.com

RE: Keeping my mouth shut

Greg ... perfect!
Thanks!

Chris
SolidWorks 07 4.0/PDMWorks 07
AutoCAD 06
ctopher's home (updated 04-21-07)

RE: Keeping my mouth shut

I once put my foot very deep into my mouth in a place I should not have.

I am Canadian and I was working in Northern Scotland. There was one guy I worked with who continually called me "Yank". I kept telling him I was a Canadian and not an American so call me Canuck if you like but I am not a yank.

One day I got sick of it and was not in great mood when he started on about me being a yank. so I called him a very derogatory term for an Englishman, in which the first word refers to the English eating limes while at sea and the second refers to the marital status of his parents. Everyone in the room went silent and took a step back as if the guy was going to attack me. Nothing happened but I learned my lesson. He did stop calling me yank, in fact I don't know if he really spoke to me much after that.

I also learned while in Scotland that wherever you go what is considered humorous can vary widely. People from different parts of the world and different parts of each county for that matter take humor very differently.

I would imagine that KENAT's British humor might not sit well with some Americans. I work in the US now and tailor my humor to those I am around at the time. And if in doubt I keep my mouth shut. I would advise you to do the same if you want to avoid insulting someone

I hope no one finds my little story insulting to any nationality and I don't regularly refer to people in derogatory terms. I am in fact Half British and half Canadian and living with my American wife and son in the US.

RE: Keeping my mouth shut

A similar transatlantic anecdote from my days in the land of the free (plus tax).

The word b0ll0cks doesn't really mean much in the US, but it is a fairly strong term in the UK.  Hence my UK boss was really pleased when we ordered him a b0ll0cks stamp.  Everything got stamped with it: expenses forms, travel requests, you name it.  Our UK Managing Director (CEO in the US) saw it and wanted one too.  So we ordered another one from the same place and expensed it.  The US expenses clerk objected and wanted to know what it was and who needed it.  Much mirth followed!

RE: Keeping my mouth shut

(OP)
Um,

Maybe it's just me but I really don't find limey that insulting.

As to the other part of the insult, while my behaviour at times may suggest otherwise, I'm not.  I have my birth certificate to prove it.

I try to bear in mind 'when in Rome...' but occasionally slip up.

As to the 2 ears thing it's something I try to keep in mind, back when I was a fresh grad having seen people at my current stage of their career who were considered arrogant etc I try to be different.  I'm sure I often fail though.  

That said I posted something a while back about turning down extra responsibility I didn't feel I was ready for and was almost universally told I needed to be more confident/stretch myslef etc.

Maybe I'm having trouble balancing the two.

KENAT, probably the least qualified checker you'll ever meet...

RE: Keeping my mouth shut

KENAT,

I understand your urge.....in college, I had an English professor that stated "in the real world, your boss will want you to write as much as you can." I (as a non-traditional student) couldn'e help but ask "When was the last time you were in the REAL world?"

Got my fist B-grade in that class. Still have great memories of it though - it was worth it!

RE: Keeping my mouth shut

Quote:

Brit humor in particular will be misunderstood in the worst possible way.

British humor is definitely misunderstood by most Americans that have never rubbed shoulders with the Brits.  Being a Brit, my humor often yields a sideways look.  

A few years ago my sister and I were watching this British movie (I wish I could remember the title).  One of a few that make it to the mainstream here in the US but nobody was laughing except us.....we were LOL and people were looking at us like we were on drugs.

With that being said, over the years I have learned to gauge my humor to the folks around me thus not to ruffle feathers.

Heckler
Sr. Mechanical Engineer
SWx 2007 SP 3.0 & Pro/E 2001
XP Pro SP2.0 P4 3.6 GHz, 1GB RAM
NVIDIA Quadro FX 1400
      o
  _`\(,_
(_)/ (_)

(In reference to David Beckham) "He can't kick with his left foot, he can't tackle, he can't head the ball and he doesn't score many goals. Apart from that, he's all right."  -- George Best

RE: Keeping my mouth shut

That's OK, I thought that the movie rendition of The Fountainhead was hilarious, but my buddy and I were the only ones laughing in the theater.  Fortunately, there were only about 10 other people viewing this post-WWII Italian-made movie.

The funny thing about humor differences is that Americans tend to think of the English as stuffed shirts, while English humor gets way more racy and ribald than what mainstream America can handle.  I'm thinking Benny Hill and Monty Python showing boobs and whatnot WELL before Hill Street Blues finally showed a live butt.  Overall, Americans are quite prudish; probably a fallout of the Puritan roots of American culture and society.  Our MPAA ratings reflect that.  A naked breast and a few expletives will get an R rating, but explosions and machine guns could rate a PG-13, so long as there's no sex involved.

TTFN

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RE: Keeping my mouth shut

Yes in most US states you can own a gun before you can legally drink......?

RE: Keeping my mouth shut

(OP)
In most US states you can die for your country before you can drink.

But this is getting off topic.

So far today no faux pas so I'm doing well.  Then again I haven't seen the director in question which makes it easier.

My colleague spent all morning trying to make the CAD image with no success, kept crashing.  I'm sure glad he spent all that time on itsmile

KENAT, probably the least qualified checker you'll ever meet...

RE: Keeping my mouth shut

Well, now you can honestly tell said Director that two of you have tried to satisfy his request, and found that you apparently don't have enough computer to make it happen.

Mike Halloran
Pembroke Pines, FL, USA

RE: Keeping my mouth shut

(OP)
Mike,

We tried telling my immediate boss and he wasn't very receptive.  He basically said you did it once why can't you do it again and suddently became an IT expert with ideas for saving memory etc.  He couldn't seem to accept that it's functionality we've never used much and there are so many different values to set that my colleague couldn't remember which ones worked (he didn't keep track as we just thought it was a one off to go on our wall originally).

I've just spent most of the last 2 hours running several different PCs trying to get something of worth.  

I've finally managed to get a couple of prints from someone elses machine, however everytime I try and save it as an image file it still crashes.

I'm hoping what I've done is an adequate olive branch.

Anyway this is just me venting now and of no interest to anyone so I'll leave it there.

KENAT, probably the least qualified checker you'll ever meet...

RE: Keeping my mouth shut

(OP)
I'll get right on it.

KENAT, probably the least qualified checker you'll ever meet...

RE: Keeping my mouth shut

I remind myself that it is not an OSHA recordable event when my lip or tongue bleds at work, Even biting them off would not be a recordable incident!  Even my bonus which is tied to safety performance would not be affected.

RE: Keeping my mouth shut

Kenat,

See if you can get an arts grant for it!

csd

RE: Keeping my mouth shut

KENAT,

Depends on how much you need your job.

Personally, we just got the umpteenth new CEO who had to make the grand tour. Foolishly he asked if we had any questions, and of course mine was " Are you a new breed of CEO, or are you here to fill your pockets like the last 17"?

I'm still working...... But if I weren't it wouldn't be the end of the world.

RE: Keeping my mouth shut

patdaly,

Love the blunt honesty and the 'tall poppy syndrome' attitude. Your not an Aussie by any chance?

Oh, and I agree with the sentiment. Seen too many incompetent CEO's get a golden handshake.

csd

RE: Keeping my mouth shut

(OP)
Managed to last an entire week without putting my foot in it, although I was out for 2 of those days.  

I also managed to last a meeting with him without saying anything although there was banter at the begining (initiated by him) about keeping me in line!

Thanks for all the posts, nothing revolutionary but reinforcing the conclusion I'd pretty much already come to.

(Debodine thanks, I'll be appearing at the comedy club on ...  Apparantly my nephew and brother in law think I'm  hilarious too, don't see it so much myself.)

KENAT, probably the least qualified checker you'll ever meet...

RE: Keeping my mouth shut

csd72, nope, not Aussie, though the way this country is going, I wish I was.

Well, other than the gun thing, but that's for another thread.

Not really a tall poppy syndrome, more or less a poppy who could care less syndrome. I've figured it out that they need me more than I need them, not necessarily this employer, but some employer, perhaps one that actually care a whit about their employees. Plus, I have figured out that $$ do not equate to living better....... sounds strange, but I am much happier gathering eggs from my chickens and picking produce from my garden for my supper than to run to the store....

Then again, perhaps I am full of it, either way I shant change.

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