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Marriage and Work!
30

Marriage and Work!

Marriage and Work!

(OP)
We've all heard the joke engineers have a spouse and something on the side...so while they are occupied with eachother the engineer ducks back to the office to get some work done.  How many of you engineers out there are going through some "significant other" problems?  How many of you....know that even though some of the problems are personal....know for a fact that some of the problems are work....and too much of it?

RE: Marriage and Work!

I make the money and own the house. As long as I don't deny you due benevolence, I'm the king.  

End of story.

Of course, if you both are earners, well, now you're in a partnership, have a good time.

RE: Marriage and Work!

Currently trying to work through some spousal issues. Things have improved but I don't know yet how it is going to end up.

RE: Marriage and Work!

Dave,
I once told my wife "I am king of the castle", she promptly said "I accept that.  You are king of the castle, but I am queen of the universe."
Yup, got myself a handful.

RE: Marriage and Work!

There are lots of problems in love relations between engineers and their non-engineers partners. Once, one of my professors said that only an engineer could put up with another engineer. I fact, most of my colleagues are alone or married with engineers.

My girlfriend is non-engineer. Fortunately, she is really patient.

http://NotOnlyBridges.blogspot.com

RE: Marriage and Work!

I've noticed lots of teacher-engineer marriages, especially grade-school teachers.  Makes one wonder...

RE: Marriage and Work!

Another combination I see a lot of is nurse-engineer.  I think for the same reason as the teacher-engineer.

Then I married an engineer.  Has made for some interesting times.

Won't say anymore, as I'm trying to get him hooked into eng-tips...

Patricia Lougheed

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RE: Marriage and Work!

Heh-heh,

I married a teacher. She teaches 5 year old kids. I am not sure what that says about me but, whatever it is, it is probably true!
 

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  Sometimes I only open my mouth to swap feet...

RE: Marriage and Work!

I always make a point of avoiding expressing interest in
other women engineers. Most I have found to have a very big
head considering how they are constantly surrounded by
males. Plus why would I want to spend my time competing
with a mirror image of myself?

I know there are engineer-engineer relationships that
seemingly work, so to each their own I suppose!

Principal - http://www.OnlineFEASolver.com
General FEA Consulting Services

RE: Marriage and Work!

Engineer-Teacher combo here. My career has definitely caused some issues in our marriage. The major ones have involved:

+ Traveling
+ Work hours
+ Need to move in order to find work
+ Resentment toward me when I *assume* she doesn't know much about science and technology. Objectively, she doesn't but she gets mighty steamed when I "teach" her things without her asking.

It's about to switch from Engineer-Teacher to Nurse-Teacher since I've just been admitted to a master's program in nursing on my way to becoming a pediatric nurse practitioner or nurse anesthetist.

Nice to have the stability of a teacher's job to help us make ends meet while I go back to school.

I think the only significance of the large number of Engineer-Nurse and Engineer-Teacher couples are that the former is a predominantly male profession while the latter are predominantly female professions.

Engineers also don't have nearly the earning power nor career stability of physicians and pilots so they're more likely to be married to working women.

--------------------
How much do YOU owe?
http://www.brillig.com/debt_clock/
--------------------

RE: Marriage and Work!

7
My spouse is not an engineer, but technically trained in the medical field.  Before marriage my Myers-Briggs test put me as an ISTJ (uber-nerd), she tested 'way down in the touchy-feely-warm-fuzzy corner of the results grid.  

I assumed it was "opposite", but it was explained to me that it was "complement".  And so it has been.

I made a commitment to her that she is my equal partner in all affairs, even though I am by circumstance the sole breadwinner.  This faith-based relationship has gotten us through ups and downs, including job losses, unexpected family deaths, and the birth of our disabled child.  But NEVER any marital strife.

Money?  Status?  Drive the latest SUV?  Phooey:  it's all fluff.  That approach to a relationship is shallow and deserving of pity.  I'll trade it all any day for the warm, richly textured, supportive, exciting relationship that I have now.

A good relationship takes hard work, and lots of it.  Better roll up your sleeves, buddy.

TygerDawg
Blue Technik LLC
Advanced Robotics & Automation Engineering
www.bluetechnik.com

RE: Marriage and Work!

Engineer-law firm librarian is working for me.

I personally enjoy being the one making less money. :)

RE: Marriage and Work!

Engineer-high school teacher...I never have to crack the whip on my two boys...I just sick their teacher mother on them. :)

I stay in detention a lot too.

Any type of relationship is hard work...if it is a relationship worth keeping.

Brian

RE: Marriage and Work!

(OP)
Wow.....unbelievable....most of the technical posts I write take several days for people to reply and usually they don't have too much to say and usually it is just a couple responses.  I was just courious to see what kind of response I would get to this type of post and it is obvious that people have things to say.

The balance of family versus work is difficult these days.  I think consulting engineering is one of the most brutal/high stress places to work.......so for those of you who are married to us driven, eccentric, often obsessive engineers.....be it male or female....my hat is off to you.  I....and I'm sure many others.....take offence to those who say roll up your sleeves.....often it has nothing to do with that....I was born with no sleeves......work be it in a relationship or not..... is just part of our flux capacitor.....it is who we are.

There is good and bad will all kinds of relationships and I've always felt the key is the love and respect between two people is key.  So comments regarding education and engineers being a good match could go either way I think......engineering .....long hours high stress....education...typically union...low hours and lots of vacations.  So while the engineer is busting their buns.....the educator....is wanting to go on vacation....maybe it is a good match maybe it isn't....again everyone......this thread is not intended to find that secret recipe and compatability between people....but to help us all find that proper balance between work and spending time with people that matter most.

I believe on our death beds we aren't going to say "hey...I wish I would have worked that extra hour".....I think it will be more of I wish I would have spent more time with my loved ones and had fun with them.......but we still need to earn a living and I don't know about you....I love engineering.....I love everything about it.....if I were to take a university syllabus I would still land on the career that I now have.  So what are some tricks that we can use to be more productive at work so that we can spend more time at home?  Where is that secret ingredient and what seems to be working for some of you who are finding success?

RE: Marriage and Work!

I am not yet married, but I'm living in couple for 4 years now. She works in the commercial field. No issue between us for now regarding our work problems : she tells me all of her problems and I tell her none of mine  :-p

That wouldn't be worth it anyway, she understands not much of my work smile

Cyril Guichard
Railroad Sub-System Manager
Belgium

RE: Marriage and Work!

2
All,

I'm married for 10 years now. My wife is a qualified nursary nurse who has spent most of her working life taking care of and in general ehancing the lives of mentally handicapped adults (needless to say the jokes are very easy for my friends).

She is now studying for a degree in psychology and social science (again my friends are sniggering in the corner) and all the while I am the engineer in the family.

We are in may ways the opposite of each other. We tend to disagree on many subjects, politics, the future, the state of the planet today, the list is long. We do, however, openly talk about our differences and as the years have gone by our opinions have changed because of these differing viewpoints.

BUT, when it comes to what we consider the big issues in our lives (and these are private and usually ethical/moral) we do stand together. And this is where I believe that we have found strength.

Oh, and one last thing.....Work belongs at your place of work, and as much as possible should remain there. When that 5 o'clock bell rings and your feet hit the outside world, smile coz the troubles that are in there can stay in there 'til tomorrow (or as my boss once said, solve your work problems at work and don't let them dissolve your home life)

My $0.02 on life

Kevin

“Insanity in individuals is something rare, but in groups, parties, nations and epochs it is the rule” Nietzsche

RE: Marriage and Work!

(OP)
Prohammy,

Nicely put......my philosophy has always been....First Things First......but not necessarily in that order....LOL.

RE: Marriage and Work!

Yes, I wholeheartedly agree about leaving work behind the gates of the plant. I refuse to bring it home with me - I'd sooner work a weekend or a late evening at site rather than have the stuff creeping into my home. I could in principle have a VPN connection onto the plant control system network and do a lot of diagnostics without having to drive in but I suspect the phone would never stop ringing with 'Could you just have a look at...' questions. No way! I can use security as an excuse too!

My wife brings loads of stuff home, but she doesn't have much choice in her job.
 

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  Sometimes I only open my mouth to swap feet...

RE: Marriage and Work!

My wife works for a large national retailer.  While, her hours tend to jump around week to week, she realy enjoys her job.

It certainly helped when we moved from Ohio to Iowa for my new job.  She was able to take a position at the local store and fit right in and feel a welcomed part of society in the new location.

We have friends that are in a similar situation.  The husband is working here at the plant as one of about 10 engineers in charge of building a new cogen facility.  She stays home with their only child.  They also moved from another state to here.  She can't stand it as she sits at home with a 2 1/2 year old that knows how to push her buttons.  

RE: Marriage and Work!

The engineer wife - electrician husband combination is probably a rare one, but it works for us. We're weird, and we've been together since I graduated high school : )

I'd say power struggles aren't career-related, just a general fact of being married. My friends all go through the same things that I do, even when they're in more traditional roles.

The biggest career-related marriage issue was when I tried to help him with junior college Algebra. He sucked at it, and I couldn't help mentioning that I learned Algebra in 7th grade. Then he mocked me for saying 'plug and chug' when using my calculator. However, I've since learned that I'm not such a smarty pants and there are a lot of things he can do better than me. Always be humble in marriage!

RE: Marriage and Work!

3
it all comes down to the basics:

Women - respect your husbands and
Men - love your wives.  

Do that and you will build each other up regardless of who plugs and chugs.

RE: Marriage and Work!

I'm in an engineer-engineer relationship. He is the one that can leave work at work... and I am not. Some consulting jobs are more demanding than others. Some people are more inclined to go the extra mile each and every time they are supposed to stop walking and rest (that's me).

dirtguy4 said, "So what are some tricks that we can use to be more productive at work so that we can spend more time at home?  Where is that secret ingredient and what seems to be working for some of you who are finding success?"

As far as secrets go... I guess you would have to ask my husband :).. but I am learning. I try to go in at seven instead of eight when I know I have a long day. On really busy days, I take a 1/2 hour lunch. I am just as tired as I would be, but at least I can be tired at home on the couch with him.

I take an hour lunch AWAY from the office every day I can. This is for me so that I am not a grouch when I am at home.

Lastly, I have just finished an office at home. This means that theoretically, I could get more work done at home. In reality... I get a lot done in 30-45 minutes b/c I don't have the office phones to deal with. After that... he starts trying to pull me away... and I love it.

RE: Marriage and Work!

Well I married a financial analyst who now analyzes the home finances.

We are both divorced and our daughters (now 15) have gone to school together since pre-kindergarten.  I did not know her, but when the girls were in the 4th grade they decided to fix us up.  It's worked out great.  We dated 4 years and have been married 2.  My ex-wife has known her longer than I have, as has my daughter.  Fortunatley we all get along.

I try to spend as much time at home as possible.  I have now managed, fortunately, to work 1/2 time.  When I work, I am gone, but when I am at home, I do not work except around the house, take the girls to school, go to school functions, softball practice, etc.  But the best part is sitting around with my wife after the girls are off to school and drinking coffee and then maybe slipping of to a movie and there is no one in the theatre except us.

We have just enough time apart to miss each other allot and make the time at home like we're still dating.

Greg Lamberson, BS, MBA
Consultant - Upstream Energy
Website: www.oil-gas-consulting.com

RE: Marriage and Work!

5
I learned a long time ago that priorities should be as follows:

Relationship with God
Spouse
Children
Other family
Work

Jobs come and go, but a wife should be unitl death do you part.  Stress at home will be reflected in your work, but if you have support at home you will excel at work.

RE: Marriage and Work!

(OP)
Again I am amazed with everyones posts here.  I think they are all great.....keep them coming.  I think the variety is really cool as well.....some are religious based and some are more rules of thumb and others are just hey this seems to be working for me....try it out.  I really think this post will be beneficial to all who are having this problem.

Again keep the posts coming.

RE: Marriage and Work!

Good one mcguirepm...

I agree.  Just remember gotta sharpen the saw.  She runs a Title Office.  We discuss management issues occasionally, but wokr stays there.  The best is her family farms.  So on weekends I get to be the guy that drives around and does what he is told, but is incredibly handy at fixing anything.  Ahh, usefulness without performing supervision.

The problem you will find is that as a talented Engineer you believe that your job defines you.  NO, you define you.  Take your passion to a new level.  To stay sane a friend of mine in the adhesives world has a private company that consults...Only fly fishing things.  He developed innovative devices and cleaners and scents...Same field, selfish innovation.

I think your best bet is to live outside the box, that is why you see so many of us with spouses of different fields, they compliment us (gloriously), they make us pull our head out of the tech and live a life, take vacations, play with the kids and other GOOD things.  It is another friends #1 rule for Eningeers....GET A LIFE AWAY FROM HERE!

Anyhoo dirt...You love her, then love her all the time, buy flowers every week and have fun.

TC All...PanelGuy

RE: Marriage and Work!

PS All...If you have not watched the Dilbert clip called "The Knack"...You must ... it explains everything.

RE: Marriage and Work!

I don't take work, Mr God or children home with me. Works just fine on every level.

RE: Marriage and Work!

Not quite relating to the OP, but hopefully in parallel with it (ie I am not trying to hi-jack this post), but...

On the theme of things I do during the week and how they relate to my family/wife...

I work 50 hours per week. This provides US (not ME, very important to remember that) with the money we need.

I play football (soccer) on Thursday night, I go for a solo cycle on Monday night. These are both for me and my health.

I go for a cycle with my eldest son on Saturday mornings. I play with all three children on Saturday. This day provides me with all the solace I need for that 50 hours of work. (There is nothing in the world as fun as pushing toy cars, attending dolly tea parties or online gaming)  

Each week night I arrive home from work, listen to the childrens descriptions of their day, mediate arguments and disagreements that require the patience of Job, eat a family dinner, play, read stories and spend an hour telling my kids to go to sleep, and finally enjoy an hour on the couch together with my wife. And then sleep as soundly as I can.

On Tuesday and Thursday my wife goes to the gym. This is her time. There is normally a long chat with her friends afterwards I am told.

Sunday is always time for the soul and our friends

These are the ingredients of my life. They work for me, and so far seem to make me happy. How does this all relate to the OP? They make me happy, and that in turn ensures that my marraige is happy......

PS We did one of Cosmo's tests last night (guess who's ides that was) and it turns out we are a 'smoking' couple. Approval from Cosmo, what more could our marraige ask for....LOL

Kevin

“It is a mathematical fact that fifty percent of all doctors graduate in the bottom half of their class." ~Author Unknown

"If two wrongs don't make a right, try three." ~Author Unknown

RE: Marriage and Work!

I married a business major. A makeup artist when we met and now a contract analyst for a telecom company. Business majors look at the whole pie while engineers look at the pieces. We have our occassional head butting sessions but overall we learned to compromise. I remember our biggest nastiest head butting session happened when I tutored her calculus in college. Oh man...what an experience. I get too into math taht I forget other people arent that fast. Thats not a good approach when its your girlfriend on the other end. hahaha

----
A green thought..."We don't inherit the earth from our ancestors, we borrow it from our children." (unknown)

RE: Marriage and Work!

TADiep, I got a chuckle from your post.  I had to drag my then-girlfriend, present wife, through calculus by her hair kicking and screaming.  It was not a fun semester.  She threw the text book at me once during a particularly frustrating study session.  She got a B, though...



If you "heard" it on the internet, it's guilty until proven innocent. - DCS

RE: Marriage and Work!

For what it is worth, don't marry your job.

Regards,

RE: Marriage and Work!

Its easy - Half the time its your fault, the other half of the time its not your wife's fault.  Seriously, right now my wife lost the main stone out of a ring she's had for about twenty years.  I'm sure it marks some significant point or milestone but I can't remember and will probably suffer for the memory laspe.

RE: Marriage and Work!

Quote: "Women - respect your husbands and Men - love your wives."

What's the difference?

Men: Respect your wives and
Women: Love your husbands

Seems to same to me!  Or is it OK to not respect your wife? (!!!)

RE: Marriage and Work!

sideswiper - women respond well to the love part and men to the respect part - not as well the other way around.
  
Ask your wife if she wants you to say "I love you" more often or "I respect what you do" and see what her answer is...

RE: Marriage and Work!

I'm sure it wouldn't go very far, unless I was really trying to tick her off...  

But seriously, do you get warm and fuzzy inside when your wife says I love you - or would you rather she told you how much of a stud you are for fixing the plugged toilet?

RE: Marriage and Work!

This is a nice thread. In particular I like Prohammys post, but others are great as well.

One thing I learned from this is I shouldn't complain about my job or coworkers to my girlfriend. I do that way to much.

RE: Marriage and Work!

Cheers Dave,

Every once in a while I let the world see a bit of me and its nice that it's appreciated.



Kevin

“It is a mathematical fact that fifty percent of all doctors graduate in the bottom half of their class." ~Author Unknown

"If two wrongs don't make a right, try three." ~Author Unknown

RE: Marriage and Work!

One of my friends often says "Happy wife, happy life."  I sometimes think that is too subservient - that I would be unable to suppress my own needs and desires to promote someone else's happiness without accumulating resentment.  However, I think the corollary "unhappy wife, unhappy life" is pretty certain.

Enlightened self interest goes a long way for me.  If I want to be happy, it is important to do what I can to support the people that I care for (spouse, family, friends and colleagues).  I cannot abandon my own happiness for that of another - my wife will not be happy if I am always unhappy - so I must also preserve my own independence and take time for my own interests.

I learned early on to leave work at work.  It just came natural to me - probably because I have so many other interests.  

RE: Marriage and Work!

I learned one thing from my father (an Electrical Engineer):  Family beats work.  Not many people go to their graves wishing they'd spent more time at the office.

Lots of companies talk about the importance of family; typically, they mean, 'your family is important as long as they let you work 80-100 hrs/wk'. Any place that requires people to work that much has staffing issues.  I don't need that crap.  As I learned in my first engineering summer job, from the mine maintenance planner:  'I had a job before this one, and I'll have a job after this one.'

I work hard, I get results, I take work home when necessary, but there are limits.  My wife and family are more important to me than my job. I pity those who feel otherwise.  You either need a different job or a different family.

RE: Marriage and Work!

A successful marriage ain't 50:50

It's 150:150

RE: Marriage and Work!

Quote:

One of my friends often says "Happy wife, happy life."  I sometimes think that is too subservient

The problem is that the corollary to that statement is : Happy husband, happy life... it just doesn't rhyme so it doesn't get said.

If two people work hard to make the other person happy it doesn't matter what the world throws at you.

For those keeping score, we're an engineer-teacher relationship.

RE: Marriage and Work!

When my wife is unhappy, she makes sure that I am unhappy also.

csd

RE: Marriage and Work!

It's like this, if Mama aint happy, no one's happy.

However, just cause Mama is happy in no way guarantees anyone elses happyness.

She may be happy because you're the one clearing the blocked drain not her...

Engineer-Social Worker

KENAT, probably the least qualified checker you'll ever meet...

RE: Marriage and Work!

I just bought a house.  The deed is in my name.  My wife was sick of renting and we needed more space.  3.5 acres and a 20 minute drive to work now.  I'm working my 9-5 and the rest of the time, I'm a plumber, electrician, carpenter, drywaller, and tile layer.  But she's the packer, organizer, painter, and cook.  We're busy as anything, but we're both happy....  

Engineer-Marketing Director  

(If she gets comission, she'll pass me in pay)

RE: Marriage and Work!

Don't marry your work but work on your marriage.

Regards,

RE: Marriage and Work!

Engineer - Juvinile Probation Officer
Yeah, that one lasted 11 months. At some point in my career I need to say no to a project.

RE: Marriage and Work!

My favorite:

Del Griffith - "Like your work, love your wife."

RE: Marriage and Work!

Quote:

Happy husband, happy life... it just doesn't rhyme so it doesn't get said

Tain't that, the corollary is

Quote:

You can be happy or you can be right, but not both

TTFN

FAQ731-376: Eng-Tips.com Forum Policies

RE: Marriage and Work!

We've been married 29 years-he's an ME and I was in advertising, now I am President of our small consulting firm.   The first 8 years of our marriage he was in business with his father building hotels (over 100 Holiday Inns' I'm proud to say), any free time was spent developing a spark plug (known as Direct Hits).  I was 23, he was 30 & asked me to marry him on our second date.  We became friends through our singles group at church; a friend wanted to date him so when he asked me out, I told him he had to take Janice out first (he really wasn't my type-he was divorced & had custody of his 2 kids ages 3 & 7; I was also divorced, no children and going back to finish my degree in music).   He took Janice out and asked me out again; I set him up with another church friend because even though I liked him as a friend, I was quite involved with a geologist.  The second "hook up" ended up lasting several months.  Rumors were flying about the seriousness of their relationship and proved to be true when I saw him kissing her goodbye in our church parking lot.

That was it!  I immediately went home, called and asked him when he was going to finally get around to taking me out now that he had completed his assigned dating tasks.  He suggested that Friday, asked me where I wanted to go and I said the symphony-but only if I could cook him dinner.  He asked me to marry him Sunday (within 48 hours).  Mind you I had not met his parents, his children, his ex, etc.  I only knew I loved this man and couldn't live without him (this was before the first kiss).

It hasn't always been easy.  I quit my job after 3 years to raise his children and honestly became very jealous of his work-he would spend 8 hrs a day as an ME followed by the next 8 hours working on his invention (even bring his calculator/TI computer to bed-it would be 2:00 am and tape would be all over the floor with sheets and sheets of complicated math computations spread everywhere).

When he started spending more time at the office with his secretary than at home with me and the kids, I decided that perhaps I needed to make myself a little more valuable to him as a wife and life partner instead of just being a great mother for the kids and having dinner on the table.

I typed all of his patent applications (we're talking hundreds and hundreds of pages), learned construction to help with job inspections and as a surprise taught myself to play chess and took golfing lessons to make sure that we had shared interests.

18 years later we are still working together and would not have it any other way.  I've come to appreciate the integrity that exists in the engineering field; gotten him involved in NSPE (I even catered every board meeting-we had record attendance) and we are happy.

Shared experiences-his concession-he doesn't complain too much when I bring our miniature macaw to the office once a week-even if she screams "Honey"  when she sees him walking down the hall!

I say include your wife in your business.

RE: Marriage and Work!

Life is already short, and it's not getting any longer.  If you were to die today how much would that project really mean to you?  Then, finish it up, get home and hug your family . . . now!  Remember, the immediate family is everyone on your side of the door you lock each night.  And no one ever put "I wish I worked harder" on their tombstone.

Engineer - Nurse/Pharmaceutical Sales Rep

engphila

RE: Marriage and Work!

I loved the comment on female engineers having a big head due to always being surrounded by men. :) I wish all you guy engineers could be a female engineer for ONE DAY and have to put up with dubious looks wondering "CAN she do it?".

To the original question... Personally I am not married because I think marriage hinders any type of career.
My mother, who is an engineer, earns much more than my father (who's not), and that pretty much killed that marriage.

RE: Marriage and Work!

I'm an engineer (male) married to a medical doctor.

Our marriage is a partnership, not a competition to see whose career is more important, or who makes more money.

Our family is more important than our jobs, because in the end, that's what you leave as your legacy.  Your kids. I'm fortunate to work for a group of people who also believe that family is important.  I don't mind working at home in the evenings when necessary, that's why I have high speed wireless at home, but by the same token, if I have to take my daughter to a hockey practice in the afternoon, then I expect some reciprocity.

I don't see any value in being the guy in the casket, where the only visitors are co workers hoping they don't die at their keyboards, too.

RE: Marriage and Work!

Quote:

Personally I am not married because I think marriage hinders any type of career.
That's your choice. Personally I'm glad that there are those who (partially) sacrifice their career so as not to hinder family life.

RE: Marriage and Work!

Well said TenPenny!  A star for you.

Timelord

RE: Marriage and Work!

"My mother, who is an engineer, earns much more than my father (who's not), and that pretty much killed that marriage."

Back in your father's day, it was probably almost unheard of for a wife to out-earn her husband.  Today, at least in "Western" educated society, a guy who can't handle making less money than his wife is basically just a macho jerk who you shouldn't be marrying anyway.

"Personally I am not married because I think marriage hinders any type of career."

Certainly not the case for men, but for women you may be right in some cases.  However, I don't see women around me being held back by the fact that they're married, or even having children.  Your mileage, of course, will vary.  I just hate the thought that career is the only reason you haven't gotten married, and that you might be deliberately avoiding happiness in the name of career.  Seems sad.

Hg, single because I just don't like people

Eng-Tips policies:  FAQ731-376: Eng-Tips.com Forum Policies

RE: Marriage and Work!

Why would being married "hinder any type of career"?

RE: Marriage and Work!

2
Okay, I'll weigh in, now.  My wife is a project manager for a multi-national company.  I work in an independent consultant's office.  Guess who has the bigger paycheck?  Yes, hers is more than double mine.  And mine ain't half bad.

Money issues are divisive when there isn't enough money in the household.  When both partners are mature enough to work together, then the money doesn't apply pressure one way or another.  Too many people, in my experience, don't get to that stage of maturity, especially men.  I do not know one other married male whose wife makes over 2x more than he does.

BTW, the hindrance to females should be obvious to everyone.  Shame on anyone who doesn't get it.  Hiring a female, in many employers' minds, instantly raises the prospect of "maternity-leave".  Especially if she's married.  That's a year of paid leave just when a young new hire is getting on her feet in the business.  It's a fact of life, and these days employers really can't justify avoiding it.

To all the female engineers (female professionals of all stripes, in fact) out there:  The real problem is society's inability to raise boys into men with mature attitudes.  

To all the males out there:  Grow up.  If you think being the principal bread-winner is the way it's supposed to be, you don't realize you're missing something even better!

Steven Fahey, CET

RE: Marriage and Work!

I'm a female engineer married to another engineer. Thank goodness too. Male engineers wife's seem to have such a huge variety of jobs, but nearly ever female engineer I meet is married to another engineer. Why is that? Me and my husband do things pretty much 50/50 and we make about the same salary too...give or take a couple of thousand. However, we recently needed to move cities, and this happened at the same time I needed a major surgery..so I was unemployed for about 6 months. I'm back in the work force again, and I am so glad because towards the end, even though my husband is very understanding, I was starting to feel like he was my boss.

That's another thing.....maybe its just because I feel I'm in a happy marriage but, I find married life to be a piece of cake. Ppl say it takes so much work, and I don't really see that. 'Course I don't have kids yet....

A good thing about being married to another engineer is he doesn't mind when I have to work a ton of overtime because, he's working it too. :)

Also, I think its interesting that me and my husband very rarely fight, but when we were lab partners in college I think ever report ending in a shouting match.

RE: Marriage and Work!

But when you decide to have kids, that happy equilibrium you found gets upset.  Prepare yourself.
It's not fair, but fundamentally, it's not anyone's fault.  
It's the great engineer in the sky that made us that way...smile

Steven Fahey, CET

RE: Marriage and Work!

"But when you decide to have kids"

Maybe some of us won't.

RE: Marriage and Work!

Quote:

But when you decide to have kids, that happy equilibrium you found gets upset.  Prepare yourself.
It's not fair, but fundamentally, it's not anyone's fault.  
It's the great engineer in the sky that made us that way...smile


Hmm I wasn't aware that men were unable to take care of children for the first 18 years of life. I'll have to let the several I know who have done that that that's a possiblity.

Now, if you want to talk sexism, talk to men who stay home with kids (grin).

SLH

RE: Marriage and Work!

I have a good friend who is a house husband, looking after 3 young kids.  Mind you his wife is a lawyer, so they aren't short of a bob or two.  Don't know of any female engineers with a house husband.

RE: Marriage and Work!

An experience we got after hiring some new engineers back in the ealry 90's. Three female and one male, all of them young and without children.
This was on a site were there were there had been only males amongts the engineers.
Guess which one that vent on "maternity" leave first?

It was the male.
So nowdays there isn't much of a difference.

RE: Marriage and Work!

"Don't know of any female engineers with a house husband"

Me.  Now you do.  I prefer not to call him a house husband though - he is a stay at home dad.

RE: Marriage and Work!

Great Thread!
I married an English Major and Librarian by education (she is now a stay at home mom with her own thriving home based business).
While she would laugh at me and deny this, I feel my grammar and writing skills have significantly excelled due to her influence, and I really do apply her organizing skills in my daily work life. I tend to let the organizing slip at home.

Tom

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