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Working away from home ?

Working away from home ?

Working away from home ?

(OP)
Hello all,

I have a chance of a job which will require me to live away from home for 4 nights a week (mon - thur) returning home on a Friday evening. The job (although similar salary to what I earn now) is a good opportunity within a large company.
Due to my family being settled where we currently live (2 young children) we do not wish to re-locate. The job is too far to commute (3 hours drive) but close enough to return home in emergencies. Does anyone have any similar experience of working away from home and are there any problems I should look out for ?
Basically any advice / experiences would be welcomed.

Many thanks

gd72

RE: Working away from home ?

I tried years ago. Wasn't worth it to the kids. Stay close to them as much as possible.

Chris
SolidWorks 06 5.1/PDMWorks 06
AutoCAD 06
ctopher's home (updated 10-27-06)

RE: Working away from home ?

Sounds like you will be missing 55% of your kid's childhood.

This is going to cause you nothing but stress and strain, I see no upside at all.

More to life than money.

Charlie
www.facsco.com

RE: Working away from home ?

Pay is the same... where will you sleep Mon-Thur night?  Who pays for that?

"Art without engineering is dreaming; Engineering without art is calculating."

Have you read FAQ731-376 to make the best use of Eng-Tips Forums?

RE: Working away from home ?

I did that for almost 3 years.  My boys were 6 & 8 when I started and 9 & 11 when I finally gave up and moved.  I didn't know what sports they were in.  I didn't know anything about their scout troops.  One week they got a dog and the SOB wouldn't let me into the house Friday night until one of the kids came to help.

Evenings I tended to round up other homeless guys and go drinking because I just couldn't face trying to work in the Hotel room after dinner after about Tuesday.  I drank A LOT those three years so I didn't really make any extra money at all.

There was nothing about that experience that I would recommend.  

The two years before I started working out of town I was in Graduate School in the evenings and got home at 9:00 most evenings, but I was able to put the kids to bed and talk to them some.  It was hard, but nothing like being out of town.

David

RE: Working away from home ?

Don't do it! No job or amount of money is worth the time away from your family. If you do it you will end up regretting it the rest of your life.

Why is my handle 65Roses?
Please visit http://www.cff.org/aboutCFFoundation/About65Roses/ to learn why!

RE: Working away from home ?

I did simmilar to that and i get paid $100/day extra for per-diem.  I have no kids and it still almost ruined my marriage.  I even went home every 2 weeks.

RE: Working away from home ?

Your children will be young once.

Work to live...not vice versa.

Brian

RE: Working away from home ?

Well, sorry to be rude but I think you are old enough to handle straight talk.
You could also get this third baby that does not look much like yourself.
Remember to take care of your wife dude, or someone else will do it for you, and it seems to me that sleeping 4 nights a week outside is not exactly what the doctor ordered for a relashionship.
If you are a soldier and you have to, we can understand, but for money?

RE: Working away from home ?

Another vote against.
For a lot of money and a short time maby.  Longer than  monts forget it. I did it once because it was that or nothing.
The only exception I can imagine is 1.) sort job, .) in the summer. 3.) you have a place main squeeze and kids can stay. and 4.) nice city with lots of attractions for kids ie. good zoo, museusm etc.

RE: Working away from home ?

Working away from home like that is not uncommon, although it's usually for construction work or something that moves, rather than a fixed employer.

For construction workers, they normally get higher pay than if they try to stay in one place, plus get per diem on top of that.  If you're single, it's a pretty good deal.

I can see trying to do something like this if your pay would be double or triple, or if it's the difference between working and not working, but I can't imagine doing it for the reasons you describe.

Rest assured, it will be a LOT easier on "young" children to move with Dad than to be part-time orphans from here on out.  Divorces aren't easy on kids, either.

Your expenses will definitely go up, as you'll have to maintain a second living place.  Staying in motel rooms watching TV gets awfully boring in a hurry, too.

RE: Working away from home ?

2 years ago my company won a contract that required co-location in the clients offices 200 miles away. I did the working away in the week thing for the first 18 months and it was hard. I'm single and childless but I found that at weekends I had just enough time to see either my friends or my family (parents, grandparents, etc). There wasn't time to do both and a few relationships were neglected. I also put on about 20 pounds from eating in restaurants and drinking in pubs 4 nights a week (and often at weekends to maintain a degree of social life - it wasn't worth shopping for 2 days of fresh food). I was just about ready to quit to move back home when my dad got sick and my boss was understanding enough to relocate me back home to be near him.

On the upside, it was the best move I could have made for my career and my professional development. I learned a helluva lot from the experience and I'm 10times better as an engineer because of the opportunities presented by that role. And most of the guys I moved down there with are still there - some of them moved there families because they prefer the new location, some of them find that a night at home mid-week helps keep their marriage working and none of them have let on about there being too much trouble at home. However, most of them are either childless or have teenage children.

In terms of advice, if you decide to take the job I would suggest you have an escape plan in place before you go so that you can always come home if it doesn't work out. I would make sure there is sufficient reward to justify the sacrifice. And if you have the opportunity to negotiate your working hours, work long hours through the week and leave early enough on Friday to make sure you get home in time for dinner on Friday night.

RE: Working away from home ?

It's not worth it. I was born in NYC; lived and worked their until I was 38; that was 1995. Then I gave into my wife's idea of moving to the country - 100 miles away - but I'd still be working in the city. At first the long bus trip wasn't too bad, but it got old quick. So I started staying in the City; sometimes four nights a week. It cuts down on the drudgery of commuting but I don't like not being home every night. You'll miss your family and if something arises, you're not going to be able to get home quickly.

Either stay where you are or move your family with you.

RE: Working away from home ?

I vote no.

RE: Working away from home ?

I have seen a similar scenario end up in a divorce after 3 years (not me, fortunately). Relocate or don't do it.
smile

RE: Working away from home ?

I vote with the others.  I have been in that situation a couple of times, but without kids, fortunately.  It will strain your marriage, and unless it is temporary at a higher rate, it just isn't worth it.

RE: Working away from home ?

remember the MasterCard commercial? There are things money can't buy...that's so truth

RE: Working away from home ?

I've worked with a couple of guys (and heard of several others) who worked away from home most of their married lives. Their divorces came when they retired and realised they couldn't stand being around each other 7 days a week!

RE: Working away from home ?

kchayfie, I believe that's exactly what happened to my parents.  My dad would be gone a week, a month, up to three months sometimes.  When he finally got put into a desk job and was home all of the time, 23 years of part time marriage couldn't hold up.

Another real life example - why do you think the military divorce rate is higher than civilian?

If spouse and family mean anything to you, don't do it for long...

RE: Working away from home ?

(OP)
Thank you all for the advice. I think the general opinion is not to do it !!!
Once again thanks for your advice.

RE: Working away from home ?

So my two penneth worth.

I’m in a similar situation (4 hr drive) and have been for over a year but there are some significant differences.

For me it was a major pay rise, pay more than tripled.  

The previous job was as a sales assistant at a drug store so low pay and crummy hours (a lot of evenings and weekends), they’d made me supervisor just before I left but it didn’t help much.

I’ve arranged it so that most weeks I only work 4 days (away 3 nights) and leave early the last day so am home long before bed time, often in time for dinner.  I actually see my wife and kids more now than when I was at home working at the drugstore.

In my line of work I won’t be able to get a job locally till I am eligible for security clearance which is several years from now.  As such the chance of getting a well paid job locally is slim to none at present.

Disadvantage is the cost to stay away.  Costs me over $1000 a month with hotel & travel.  Due to the area getting a room somewhere wouldn’t be much cheaper, especially as I’m only there 3 nights.  However I’m still better off than I would be at my previous employer.

The kids are actually my wife’s, I’m the proverbial evil stepparent so they probably don’t mind me being away as much as yours would.

For me it’s worth it, for you it doesn’t sound a good idea.


RE: Working away from home ?


Hey Man,

Well I have been on the road for 2 years as a international construction Superintendent, I would fly home on a Friday spend time with my family Saturday and then fly out Sunday.  Because my job was so stressful when I got home all I wanted to do was enjoy my time off not wanting to go out with the family.  This is a really big mistake, make sure when you are home you take time out for the wife, this time must be separate from the kids.  So you will have a family day and then a wife day, if you do this it will work out for the better.

Good luck

RE: Working away from home ?

The time with your family is priceless. Its very important for a father see how grow up his kids. Work to live not live to work. Your wife and you need spend much time with the kids, support them, help them etc. In the future they will remember goods things, goods memories about his parents

Regards

Alberto J. Hung C
Caracas Venezuela

RE: Working away from home ?

Been doing this for about 18 months. (2 hour commute) No decent jobs near the family.  Decided that an apartment is cheaper safer and more comfortable than a motel room.  

I'm no longer married, my teenaged daughter chose to stay during the week with my parents.  This means zero time as she had her own interests and never wanted to hang out with her mom (me).  After a year we moved her to the apartment with me.  Will have to upgrade to something larger when the lease is up.

We still go back every weekend, my family still knows me.  My boyfriend and I have come to the realization that I will probably never find a decent job in that limited market.
It is costing a lot of money, the additional travel etc.  At this point I am happy as I have my daughter with me, doing the work I love, a lot of soul searching on what is important in life.

RE: Working away from home ?

oops, my post reads a little different than I intended.  I am divorced, not because of the work situation.  The was a pre-existing condition :)

RE: Working away from home ?

Hello everybody:

I work away from home, monday through friday evening. I travel back home (2 hours drive) on friday, arriving just for dinner time with my family: my wife, two girls and one boy. I return back to my job early on monday morning.

I live monday - thursday night at a sort of village that our power plant has for their employees. In this place we have a clubhouse, restaurant, playing fields for basket ball, soccer, tennis, among other facilities.

Some evenings I use to drink a couple of beers with other co-workers and that is all. Another nights I stay at my village home (not my village room) and watch TV, or read, study a special matter or make one of my favorite extra work activities: have a part in this forum.

I have been living in this way of life for more than 4 years (so far I have no choice) but certainly, I have become accustomed. I spend the weekend entirely with my family so, I have no sorrows. But, being honest, from now on, I will try to put into practice (and I will see what happens) the idea of Borg70f99, this is, to dedicate part of one day exclusively to my wife.

Go ahead gd72 and good luck !

RE: Working away from home ?

25 against
0 for...

wow

I'm younger and have no spouse or kids so I cannot relate but  a lot of good responses here.

RE: Working away from home ?

In my own case I had a long commute (went to Denver, CO from Charlotte, NC). No kids, no wife, but my GF would come and visit. It was a definite strain, but it was a great experience for me personally as well. I started doing things I would not have done at home like work out more, read more, and explore Colorado on a motorcycle. Since then i have traveled to new areas a few more times. I lost touch with friends, places I was familiar with, etc. It can be hard, but sometimes that sacrifice opens doors you never would have seen otherwise...
I have worked with several older gentlemen who commute home on weekends and seemed to do okay with their marriages. I only remember one guys complaining about his wife spending money they din't have. I guess I would say if you really thrive on your family relationship and friends and have lots of activities during monday to thursday, don't do it. If you enjoy your free time to pursue your own hobbies and stuff, then try it out. Maybe...It is a hard call, seeing as how you have a family dependant on you :). Now that I read my post I see I have very little in the way of similar situation.

RE: Working away from home ?

I have a friend that's been married for 4 years with no kids.  However, he lives in the USA and she is in Cananda.  They see each other twice a month, but are always connected by cell phone im-ing each other.  It seems to work for them.  But I agree with the other posters that with kids, staying local with less pay to be with your kids should win out over more money and not seeing and being with your kids at important moments of their lives.

=) good luck

Tobalcane
"If you avoid failure, you also avoid success."

RE: Working away from home ?

I'm not for it at all.

A few years ago, we had a project in China.  It seemed like many of the Chinese do this for the jobs.  They have to take a job in a different city, but leave the family where they are.

On PBS, there is a program on currently, I think called "Inside China" or "China from the inside" (not sure??).  They talk about this same issue and the problems it causes.

Not worth it, but if you can't find work.....

______________________________________________________________________________
This is normally the space where people post something insightful.

RE: Working away from home ?

I’ve done more or less that for the last dozen years.

However the pay was a lot more.

Gradually as time went on the jobs got farther and farther away from home and the return times longer between them.

Now I am home getting ready to go back to Afghanistan. Its 3 months a trip with 48 hours travel time one way.

I could never have done this when the kids were young. (They were 10 and 12 when I started).

I’d pass on it in your situation I wait until the kids were older and a little more independent before starting on this path. It can be exciting and interesting but is hard on the family life. You have to balance your responsibility as a parent with your career.

Rick Kitson MBA P.Eng

Construction Project Management
From conception to completion
www.kitsonengineering.com

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