Stupid Instructions
Stupid Instructions
(OP)
In my hotel safe is a notice that says:
"Caution: Suffocation danger exists."
But a word of warning, instead of being oustide where you can read the notce before you do anything stupid, the notice is on the inside of the door so it is only once you're in the safe and the door has closed, that you know you jave a problem but you'd better hope you brought a flashlight.
Oh yes, the safe door only opens to about 80deg and is 4" high by about 10" wide and 10" deep.
Unless you've taken your hamster on holiday and decided to keep it in the safe, this seems a totally meaningless warning (especially as hamsters can't, to my knowledge, read - even if they happen to have a flashlight with them).
One suspects that:
Of course, it might be more sensible to say
"The management cannot accept liability for the health and safety of small pets placed in the safe."
Any other sensless signs out there or other signs that people are senseless?
"Caution: Suffocation danger exists."
But a word of warning, instead of being oustide where you can read the notce before you do anything stupid, the notice is on the inside of the door so it is only once you're in the safe and the door has closed, that you know you jave a problem but you'd better hope you brought a flashlight.
Oh yes, the safe door only opens to about 80deg and is 4" high by about 10" wide and 10" deep.
Unless you've taken your hamster on holiday and decided to keep it in the safe, this seems a totally meaningless warning (especially as hamsters can't, to my knowledge, read - even if they happen to have a flashlight with them).
One suspects that:
- the manufacturer just knew he had to have some kind of warning label but short of: "Hey dummy, don't forget the code number and don't write it down on the hotel notepad for the cleaners" this was the best he could do
- there are numerous people on the planet who have heads of the appropriate dimensions to get their heads into the safe and who have necks that provide an air tight seal in the event that the door can't be cloased once they have their heads in. Already a rare species, they are in danger of extinction due to the habit they have of putting their heads in hotel safes.
- whatever else is true, it was cheaper to put a label on the door than put air vents in the safe (in which will be found nothing of real value but why have a safe in your hotel room and not use it?)
- Overseas hotels are scared to death of what American tourists will do to be able to sue someone
Of course, it might be more sensible to say
"The management cannot accept liability for the health and safety of small pets placed in the safe."
Any other sensless signs out there or other signs that people are senseless?





RE: Stupid Instructions
Just in case a martian landed in the public toilets in [name a place] to find out that when he touches the knob with the red dot, the tap starts to produce H2O at a temperature incompatible with the alarm settings of the nerves in his fingers.
This probably has something to do with your suspicion 4, possibly combined with a fifth suspicion: "We have seen other public toilet owners put these signs on the walls, so we might as well do the same, and if it doesn't save lives at least it makes us look like we care about our guests". Suspicion 6 is that the sign is a result from the toilet's ISO 9001 requirements.
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Back in the UK, the driver would have prosecuted for driving without due care and attention.
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I think the expression is rotflmao.
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On rainy days at the building I work in, plastic umbrella storage bags are given out. Printed on the bag are instructions for how to place the umbrella in the bag.
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On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only."
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of a box: "Do not turn upside down".
On a package of airline peanuts: Open packet and eat contents.
On a chain saw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
Craig
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"Caution: Microwaves in use" ... in Braille, on the wall behind the ovens so one would have to bend over the ovens in order to read it...
Actual cookbook instructions to make iced coffee:
1. Brew coffee.
2. Pour over ice.
Or microwave foods with labels saying "caution, contents may be hot after cooking".
I also appreciate food instructions that admonish one to "heat, eat, and enjoy". I wouldn't have enjoyed them if they hadn't told me to.
Doors with instructions: "Push" or "Pull".
Donald Norman's excellent book "The Design of Everyday Things" has all sorts on interesting information and advice. Any door that needs instructions to operate (and yes, there are some doors that do!) is a poorly designed door.
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If you really want some laughs, cruise around that site and Randy Cassingham's sister sites, especially www.Thisistrue.com.
The Stella Awards site details much of the stupidity in humanity and one part of it is warning labels.
Enjoy!
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"Caution hot" at every exit at Houston international airport?
"Mind the step" painted every 2 yards on every sidewalk?
"Watch out, this is a car" written all over your car?
Or just a generic disclaimer for life, to be signed by every new-born American and every immigrant. It would save a lot of hassle but it would be less fun.
RE: Stupid Instructions
Jeff Mirisola, CSWP
CAD Administrator
SW '07 SP2.0, Dell M90, Intel 2 Duo Core, 2GB RAM, nVidia 2500M
http://designsmarter.typepad.com/jeffs_blog
RE: Stupid Instructions
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Jeff Mirisola, CSWP
CAD Administrator
SW '07 SP2.0, Dell M90, Intel 2 Duo Core, 2GB RAM, nVidia 2500M
http://designsmarter.typepad.com/jeffs_blog
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corus
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DaveAtkins
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We have a microwave here at work that has a sign on it "For food use only!". What else would I use it for??
Chris
SolidWorks 06 5.1/PDMWorks 06
AutoCAD 06
ctopher's home (updated 10-27-06)
RE: Stupid Instructions
Personally I love the prop 69 warnings you see in pretty much any remotely public building in California. Something along the lines "This building contains chemicals know to the State of California to cause cancer, premature birth.......". What I especially like is the fact it doesn't give you enough specifics on what the chemicals are where they are to be of any actual use in avoiding them or otherwise minimizing exposure.
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We've used the microwave to heat up a damp washcloth for use as a hot pack. Works great.
Good Luck
--------------
As a circle of light increases so does the circumference of darkness around it. - Albert Einstein
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I'm still waiting for a fortune cookie fortune that will read "Do not eat this paper!".
Cheers,
CanuckMiner
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Oh, there are plenty of fun things you can do...
CDs or DVDs are fun (it's a legitimate way to destroy data that is sensitive but no longer useful, like old tax records). It can leave a nasty burnt plastic odor though.
Or making plasma balls. Definitely fun, but something I wouldn't recommend to someone who actually needed a warning that "cooked food may be hot".
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Because, after all, we's mostly harmless...
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corus
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Although in recent years I've notice that some now say "...to be removed only by owner..."
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or on a jigsaw puzzle box .... "Some assembly required."
or my favorite microwave warning... "Do not use for drying pets."
Remember...
"If you don't use your head,
your going to have to use your feet."
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1. Pick up handset.
2. Speak.
DaveAtkins
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DO NOT LEAVE THIS OVEN UNOCCUPIED WHILE IT IS IN USE.
A.
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That original Mac team had one heck of a sense of humor...
old field guy
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Chris
SolidWorks 06 5.1/PDMWorks 06
AutoCAD 06
ctopher's home (updated 10-27-06)
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Mike Halloran
Pembroke Pines, FL, USA
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xnuke
"Live and act within the limit of your knowledge and keep expanding it to the limit of your life." Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged.
Please see FAQ731-376 for tips on how to make the best use of Eng-Tips.
RE: Stupid Instructions
I am guessing that at one point, the lack of the "stupid instruction" was the cause of a "loss" of a lawsuit.
"Do not worry about your problems with mathematics, I assure you mine are far greater."
Albert Einstein
Have you read FAQ731-376 to make the best use of Eng-Tips Forums?
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With regards to the no smoking sign at gas (petrol) pumps. I have, unfortunately, had to resort to pointing them out to people. One guy had the "sense" to walk away from the pump to light up, but returned to continue pumping his gas. He was so upset at me for pointing out that he was not to smoke while (whilst?) pumping gas that he stopped filling his tank, got in his car, and drove away. His gas cap skittered across the road as he left.
Chris
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NozzleTwister
Houston, Texas
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NozzleTwister
Houston, Texas
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Some one here has a poster up showing a sign near the edge of a cliff. In big print it says 'Caution, sign may have sharp edges do not touch edge of sign' in very small print it says 'also, bridge out ahead'.
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Warning: Non toxic and contains no solvents.
And on the [side] topic of having a sense of humour... I recall a HP (instrument BASIC) manual with a glossary in it. Best entry by far:
Recursive: See "Recursive"
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I saw a website a year or to ago on how to take your microwave apart to extract components, presumably for hobby purposes. The author went on in excruciating detail on how the dangerous the capacitors are, and how, perhaps, you should not be doing this. Try a google search on "microwave capacitor deadly".
Converting your microwave into a robot is generally a non-food use. :)
JHG
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Chris
SolidWorks 06 5.1/PDMWorks 06
AutoCAD 06
ctopher's home (updated 10-27-06)
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old field guy
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itch in his nose, so he placed a power drill up his nose and turned the drill on with the drill bit still attached. He successfully got rid of the "itch", but in the process he "drilled" off his nose.
Here is a statement by Mr. Harleny:
"No where on the package, or the actual tool was there a warning that specifically tells the consumer not to place the drill up their nose, or any orifice for that matter. These companies need to take responsibility for their products".
Lawyers and insurance companies in cahoots to crank up liability premiums and profits. What a scam.
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How long before someone works out that rather than spending a small fortune on actually educating children the money would be better spent dumbing them down a bit? Hang on a minute I might be on to something here.
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M
--
Dr Michael F Platten
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h
There's enough stupidity in the world without making up more.
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Why isn't there a movement or something against the current legal system there?
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Hold stick near centre of its length. Moisten pointed end in mouth. Insert in tooth space, blunt end next to gum. Use gentle in-out motion.
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You didn't tell me which direction I should enter my mouth with said toothpick. I now have a toothpick stuck up my a___.
Can I sue?
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Sorry for the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy reference for all those who haven't read it.
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- "You will need to Install SQL."
and was accompanied by the "install" button.There was no option.
I was presented with no choices such as "skip this", to "cancel" or "help" or even select another option. It is an essential installation with only one option; to install.
So what was the purpose of presenting this to me? none at all.
Except, that these are just the sort of instructions MS includes to make sure that you do not insert CD, select "install" and then go out for a drink, or a meal, or on holdiay, while it gets on with it. No, we are required to sit for however many hours are necessary, in front of the screen ready to "click", Pavlovian style, in response to whatever hamster excercises the installation program has thought up. I'm surprised we don't get periodic messages that say "Pay attention Stupid" instead of the scrolling bars.
Oh yes, pet peeve: Older Windows had a blue progress bar that gave you at least some idea (whether true or false) of where your were in the installation. XP has a green flicker thing that simply indicates that the green flicker thing is working (but maybe the installoation has hung) and no idea how long you have to sit and wait to do the next hamster excercise.
Installing XP brought up 82 updates from the website! and they want me to upgrade to "Vista"?
(sorry, some of this should have been posted in the "Pet Peeves" thread.)
JMW
www.ViscoAnalyser.com
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" Do not comb your hair in front of the mirror"
" Do not clear your throat in the wash basin"
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This was posted on the door of a Burger king restaurant.
" push to open. You can have it your way and pull, but you will find this door is pretty tough."
I could not stop smiling for half a block.
B.E.
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Ciao.
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I came back from London with a "Mind The Gap" T-shirt.
Hg
Eng-Tips policies: FAQ731-376
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In vane? Is that some kind of windmill?
When I see the sign "This door is alarmed" I feel the urge to rush up and calm it down (resisted so far)
Stephena
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I had to get one, too.
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Eating it after one month is bad, worse, worst or suicidal?
Ciao.
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I recall seeing an articles ~15 years ago when the Japanese economy was reallyh booming. The article highlighted a few differences between Japanese culture and American culture. One aspect was this: In Japan there was one lawyer for every 50 engineers. In the USA, there was one lawyer for every TWO engineers. Given that people become engineers to "make things", while lawyers tend to stop people from making things (if you make it and someone gets hurt, you'll be sued). I've no clue of the accuracy of the numbers mentioned here, but I don't doubt the premise.
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It's not the place to be if you haven't had practice in dealing with travelling at peak hours with the financial market morons.
Bill
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My sister was a child at the time, in fact I don't remember it (I was either a baby or it was before I came along). Given that fact and thinking about it, it may have been before the warning was introduced.
Perhaps it's the reason the warning was introduced.
That makes my family responsible for a stupid instruction.
I may have to excuse myself from this thread.
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"Please leave your valuables at home."
A "hindsight warning" I guess and probably designed to ensure you spend a sleepless night keeping guard of your locker.
JMW
www.ViscoAnalyser.com
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Then of course, there is the current crop of TV ads for sleeping aids, which warn that side effects may include (among other things) "drowsiness." Seems to me that drowsiness is not a side effect of a sleep aid! What's the point?
Where I grew up, the jokes designed to make fun of a regional ethnic group included one that asked, "What's printed on the bottom of a Coke bottle in Such-&-Such Town?" Answer: "Open other end." Little did folks realize back then, when they came up with this inane joke, how much it projected a politically-correct reality to emerge in the late 20th Century!
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And all these years I used to punch a hole in the can to get at the cheese.
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----------------------------------
Sometimes I only open my mouth to swap feet...
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They must have been watching "That's Incredible" (or some such show) back in the early 80's where a fellow ate a bicycle.
He actually cut it up into small pieces which he swallowed over a period of several weeks.
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Perhaps it is an attempt to stop rodents nibbling on any of the plastic or rubber bits.
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I think I worked in that same town in the 1960's. Among the regional ethnic stories told was one about the landscaper who put a large sign on the truck for the sod layers: "GREEN SIDE UP"
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Ciao.
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Chris
SolidWorks 06 5.1/PDMWorks 06
AutoCAD 06
ctopher's home (updated 10-27-06)
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"No Smoking, Oxygen Present"
Could you smoke without oxygen present? Would you be looking for a cigarrete if there were no oxygen in the room? Just strikes me as odd phrasing.
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'Danger. End of Improved Road'
This sign has been in place for the last 8 years and I still wait for the day that either the improved road deteriorates (forcing them to remove the sign) or the bad road is fixed (highly unlikely after 8 years)
Kevin Hammond
Mechanical Design Engineer
Derbyshire, UK
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Read on a box of a robot-coupe (food processor) manufactured in Japan.
==========================================
Business Card http://mech.e.tripod.com
__________________________________________
Cycle Heaven.......www.tailofthedragon.com
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"Please ensure to enjoy and enjoy before you swallowed"
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PS Kelloggs also do this for all their products as well, but they do go one step further and add milk to the concept
Kevin Hammond
Mechanical Design Engineer
Derbyshire, UK
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"Escalator Up" & "Escalator Down"
I never would have guessed. It's amazing how the tenants managed up until today.
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Yes, I'm often amused by a picture of something or other that has a bite taken out of it to show what's inside, and then has the "serving suggestion" text.
Here, I'm serving you a half eaten cookie, just like they suggested!
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What I find stupid is that the sign is directly in front of the escalator. Where I work you can't miss them if you're able to see. Only a moron wouldn't know up from down.
The signs probably violate ADA: No Braille
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You may think that's a redundant warning but I once met a girl who tried it, and had the burn to prove it.
A few years later I married her, she seems to have learnt her lesson.
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MOWER HEIGHT ADJUSTMENT
• The cutting range is approximately 1.5” to 4.5”. The height can be measured from the ground to the blade tip without the engine running.
Uh huh, without the engin running...got it.