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Stupid Instructions
6

Stupid Instructions

Stupid Instructions

(OP)
In my hotel safe is a notice that says:
"Caution: Suffocation danger exists."

But a word of warning, instead of being oustide where you can read the notce before you do anything stupid, the notice is on the inside of the door so it is only once you're in the safe and the door has closed, that you know you jave a problem but you'd better hope you brought a flashlight.

Oh yes, the safe door only opens to about 80deg and is 4" high by about 10" wide and 10" deep.
Unless you've taken your hamster on holiday and decided to keep it in the safe, this seems a totally meaningless warning (especially as hamsters can't, to my knowledge, read  - even if they happen to have a flashlight with them).

One suspects that:
  • the manufacturer just knew he had to have some kind of warning label but short of: "Hey dummy, don't forget the code number and don't write it down on the hotel notepad for the cleaners" this was the best he could do
  • there are numerous people on the planet who have heads of the appropriate dimensions to get their heads into the safe and who have necks that provide an air tight seal in the event that the door can't be cloased once they have their heads in. Already a rare species, they are in danger of extinction due to the habit they have of putting their heads in hotel safes.
  • whatever else is true, it was cheaper to put a label on the door than put air vents in the safe (in which will be found nothing of real value but why have a safe in your hotel room and not use it?)
  • Overseas hotels are scared to death of what American tourists will do to be able to sue someone
Of course, if this is a genuine concern, then it doesn't say much about the mentality of the human being that it needs a warning not to put its stupid head in a box and shut the door.

Of course, it might be more sensible to say
"The management cannot accept liability for the health and safety of small pets placed in the safe."


Any other sensless signs out there or other signs that people are senseless?

JMW
www.ViscoAnalyser.com

RE: Stupid Instructions

"Caution - hot water"

Just in case a martian landed in the public toilets in [name a place] to find out that when he touches the knob with the red dot, the tap starts to produce H2O at a temperature incompatible with the alarm settings of the nerves in his fingers.

This probably has something to do with your suspicion 4, possibly combined with a fifth suspicion: "We have seen other public toilet owners put these signs on the walls, so we might as well do the same, and if it doesn't save lives at least it makes us look like we care about our guests". Suspicion 6 is that the sign is a result from the toilet's ISO 9001 requirements.
smile

RE: Stupid Instructions

I was in the US at the time of that famous case against America's favourite "restaurant" chain, where some dim-witted person managed to burn themselves by spilling coffee whilst driving.  This led to the "Caution hot" sticker explosion.

Back in the UK, the driver would have prosecuted for driving without due care and attention.

RE: Stupid Instructions

Thank you jmw for starting my day on a high note.

I think the expression is rotflmao.

RE: Stupid Instructions

"...some dim-witted person managed to burn themselves by spilling coffee whilst driving..."  - And thanks to that dim-wit it's difficult to find a HOT cup of coffee in a restaurant.

On rainy days at the building I work in, plastic umbrella storage bags are given out. Printed on the bag are  instructions for how to place the umbrella in the bag.  

RE: Stupid Instructions

I have one or two stupid instructions and warnings:

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only."

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of a box: "Do not turn upside down".

On a package of airline peanuts: Open packet and eat contents.
 
On a chain saw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.

Craig

RE: Stupid Instructions

Sign in our work cafeteria area:

"Caution: Microwaves in use" ... in Braille, on the wall behind the ovens so one would have to bend over the ovens in order to read it...

Actual cookbook instructions to make iced coffee:
     1. Brew coffee.  
     2. Pour over ice.

Or microwave foods with labels saying "caution, contents may be hot after cooking".

I also appreciate food instructions that admonish one to "heat, eat, and enjoy".  I wouldn't have enjoyed them if they hadn't told me to.

Doors with instructions:  "Push" or "Pull".  

Donald Norman's excellent book "The Design of Everyday Things" has all sorts on interesting information and advice.  Any door that needs instructions to operate (and yes, there are some doors that do!) is a poorly designed door.

RE: Stupid Instructions

worse than doors with "push" or "pull" - glass doors with only one of the instructions on one side. I always find myself reading the reversed image through the glass and then trying to do what it tells me. And making a fool of myself for trying to do the opposite of what is required from my side of the door!

RE: Stupid Instructions

You can find Stella Liebeck's story at: http://www.stellaawards.com/stella.html.  In fact, the site was named after her!

If you really want some laughs, cruise around that site and Randy Cassingham's sister sites, especially www.Thisistrue.com.

The Stella Awards site details much of the stupidity in humanity and one part of it is warning labels.

Enjoy!

RE: Stupid Instructions

I wonder where this will stop, because nobody will take any signs away as the signs MAY actually save lives or at least one wouldn't be able to prove that they won't.

"Caution hot" at every exit at Houston international airport?

"Mind the step" painted every 2 yards on every sidewalk?

"Watch out, this is a car" written all over your car?

Or just a generic disclaimer for life, to be signed by every new-born American and every immigrant. It would save a lot of hassle but it would be less fun.

RE: Stupid Instructions

It won't stop because of the litigious (sp?) nature of the world we live in. It's sad, really, to think of how lawyers, and the judicial system, have managed to screw things up. Basically, Darwinism is being ruined with all the warnings that are pasted everywhere...On your blender (Do not put hand in while running), on your iron (Caution: Hot Surface), at the gas station (No Smoking). If we allowed the people who actually need these instructions to go about their lives without said instructions, maybe someday we'd live in a lawyer-less society...smile

Jeff Mirisola, CSWP
CAD Administrator
SW '07 SP2.0, Dell M90, Intel 2 Duo Core, 2GB RAM, nVidia 2500M
http://designsmarter.typepad.com/jeffs_blog

RE: Stupid Instructions

Ok, so Stella wasn't driving.  But then again all I had for my information was the fabulously accurate and informative US meeja.

RE: Stupid Instructions

There was a motorcycle instruction manual that stated: "This motorcycle contains no edible parts."  I can't remember exactly which one it was, but I'm fairly sure it was one of the minor italian brands (Gillera perhaps?).

RE: Stupid Instructions

There was a lawsuit here in the States a few years ago where a woman sued a furniture store after she tripped and fell over a toddler in the aisle. It was her toddler! The kicker here, she won.

Jeff Mirisola, CSWP
CAD Administrator
SW '07 SP2.0, Dell M90, Intel 2 Duo Core, 2GB RAM, nVidia 2500M
http://designsmarter.typepad.com/jeffs_blog

RE: Stupid Instructions

A few years ago I visited the Netherlands.  I went to a very nice indoor swimming pool complex.  There was a fairly tall waterslide there with twists and turns, etc.  In the US, such a slide would have a lifeguard stationed at the top to make sure everyone going down was seated and feet-first.  There was no lifeguard, and people were actually going down the slide standing up!  Once I got over the initial shock of seeing this (in my mind) lawsuit-waiting-to-happen I gave it a try myself and had a total blast!  

RE: Stupid Instructions

Packets of peanuts that state "Warning: Contains nuts"

RE: Stupid Instructions

Common sense would tell you not to do certain things but this day and age common sense seems to have taken a back seat in life. It maybe common sense that a hot tap will have hot water, but then again it's also common sesne not to have hot water at boiling point (as I've found in places). In that sense lawyers are doing a good job in sueing these companies. However, I fail to see the justification in such things as 'Peanuts - this product contains nuts' etc.

corus

RE: Stupid Instructions

And have you ever seen the small packet of silica gel that comes with furniture that you put together yourself?  It says, "Do Not Eat."  Does the manufacturer honestly believe that, after putting together the furniture, I will open that little packet and sprinkle it on my dinner?

DaveAtkins

RE: Stupid Instructions

If you had a sign that simply said : "Don't be stupid" then this could be a cover-all for all cases of stupidity. I was thinking about handleman's swimming pool example. You could have a sign saying don't do this and don't do that but if you happen to do something that isn't included in the list, then I can imagine someone suing saying "well, it wasn't mentioned.."

RE: Stupid Instructions

You mean "Do Not Eat" only applies to that little packet?  I thought it was a warning in general!  I put some of that furniture together last week.  I'm starting to get pretty hungry!

smile

RE: Stupid Instructions

It was probably required by law to put the "Caution: Suffocation danger exists" sign on the safe. They stuck it on the inside because if it were on the outside, it would get torn off.

We have a microwave here at work that has a sign on it "For food use only!". What else would I use it for??

Chris
SolidWorks 06 5.1/PDMWorks 06
AutoCAD 06
ctopher's home (updated 10-27-06)

RE: Stupid Instructions

They put a similar little packet in Jerky (I'm not sure if it's silica or a food compatible equivalent) with the same warning.  I'm guessing it makes a bit more there.  I could imagine someone opening the pack like you used to salt and shake chips in the UK and sprinkling it over their jerky!

Personally I love the prop 69 warnings you see in pretty much any remotely public building in California.  Something along the lines "This building contains chemicals know to the State of California to cause cancer, premature birth.......".  What I especially like is the fact it doesn't give you enough specifics on what the chemicals are where they are to be of any actual use in avoiding them or otherwise minimizing exposure.

RE: Stupid Instructions

==> We have a microwave here at work that has a sign on it "For food use only!". What else would I use it for??
We've used the microwave to heat up a damp washcloth for use as a hot pack.  Works great.

Good Luck
--------------
As a circle of light increases so does the circumference of darkness around it. - Albert Einstein

RE: Stupid Instructions

A packet of peanuts may indeed contain nuts however it also may not as a peanut is actually a pulse and not a nut.

RE: Stupid Instructions

Every time I read a stupid warning or stupid instruction I am reminded of the bit in Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy in which the fellow left civilization to become a hermit after finding instructions on a packet of toothpicks.

I'm still waiting for a fortune cookie fortune that will read "Do not eat this paper!".

Cheers,
CanuckMiner

RE: Stupid Instructions

re: "We have a microwave here at work that has a sign on it "For food use only!". What else would I use it for??"

Oh, there are plenty of fun things you can do...

CDs or DVDs are fun (it's a legitimate way to destroy data that is sensitive but no longer useful, like old tax records).  It can leave a nasty burnt plastic odor though.

Or making plasma balls.  Definitely fun, but something I wouldn't recommend to someone who actually needed a warning that "cooked food may be hot".

RE: Stupid Instructions

The Hitchhiker's Guide instruction itself is a good general rule: Don't Panic.

Because, after all, we's mostly harmless...

RE: Stupid Instructions

I had to check what ajack1 said, and I think they're right! You learn something every day! In Wikipedia a peanut is described as a woody, indehiscent legume. I couldn't be bothered finding out what indehiscent means but my knowledge of french says that legume is a vegetable. I think if peanuts had the warning 'this packet contains indehiscent legumes' then nobody would buy them, and quite right so.

corus

RE: Stupid Instructions





cheers

RE: Stupid Instructions

Does any one remember those labels on the bottom of seat cushions, pillows, mattresses, etc that included the phrase "Do Not Remove"?

Although in recent years I've notice that some now say "...to be removed only by owner..."

RE: Stupid Instructions

I had to check up on the peanut/nut discussion (not that I didn't believe you ajack1) as I was interested in the 'nut allergy' issue. It appears you are more likely, if you are susceptible, to have a reaction to a peanut than a nut as the allergens are more volatile in peanuts than in nuts. So maybe bags of nuts should have a warning saying "Warning: these nuts may contain peanuts!"

RE: Stupid Instructions

What about the instructions that say "Read before opening" that are inside the box.

or on a jigsaw puzzle box ....     "Some assembly required."

or my favorite microwave warning...   "Do not use for drying pets."

Remember...
       "If you don't use your head,            
                   your going to have to use your feet."

RE: Stupid Instructions

Shampoo - "Wash, rinse, repeat."  An endless cicle until you run out.

RE: Stupid Instructions

I once saw a set of instructions for a telephone, and they listed various functions the phone could perform.  The funny instruction was for "Answering a Call."  The instructions were:
1.  Pick up handset.
2.  Speak.

DaveAtkins

RE: Stupid Instructions

Pasted (only for a few hours) onto all the microwaves at work:

DO NOT LEAVE THIS OVEN UNOCCUPIED WHILE IT IS IN USE.

A.

RE: Stupid Instructions

Bought my first computer (a Macintosh) in 1985.  Got the box home and opened it.  Inside I found a sheet of instructions starting with "1.  Open the box.  Inside you will find this sheet."

That original Mac team had one heck of a sense of humor...

old field guy

RE: Stupid Instructions

WRT to the hot water warnings, I get the impression that temperature- controlled faucets are commonplace (and maybe required) in Europe, so visitors to the US may be unpleasantly surprised by our primitive plumbing.

Mike Halloran
Pembroke Pines, FL, USA

RE: Stupid Instructions

There is a sticker on the removable spring guard on many tabletop paper cutters - "Do not operate with guard removed" - so when the guard is removed, so is the warning sticker.

xnuke
"Live and act within the limit of your knowledge and keep expanding it to the limit of your life." Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged.
Please see FAQ731-376 for tips on how to make the best use of Eng-Tips.

RE: Stupid Instructions

Hmmmmm.

I am guessing that at one point, the lack of the "stupid instruction" was the cause of a "loss" of a lawsuit.

"Do not worry about your problems with mathematics, I assure you mine are far greater."   
Albert Einstein
Have you read FAQ731-376 to make the best use of Eng-Tips Forums?

RE: Stupid Instructions


   With regards to the no smoking sign at gas (petrol) pumps.  I have, unfortunately, had to resort to pointing them out to people.  One guy had the "sense" to walk away from the pump to light up, but returned to continue pumping his gas.  He was so upset at me for pointing out that he was not to smoke while (whilst?) pumping gas that he stopped filling his tank, got in his car, and drove away. His gas cap skittered across the road as he left.

Chris

RE: Stupid Instructions

...and then there was an explosion 5 mins later as he tossed the still glowing butt out of his window into the now open tank..

RE: Stupid Instructions

We all laugh at those stipid warnings but the lawyers are laughing too. .......... all the way to the bank.

NozzleTwister
Houston, Texas

RE: Stupid Instructions

I can't spell. LOL I meant stupid not stipid.

NozzleTwister
Houston, Texas

RE: Stupid Instructions

Ban lawyers from running for office, or at least have a not to exceed quota.  I sometimes think so many lawyers run for office so that they can make stupid laws for their ex colleagues to make lawsuits under.

Some one here has a poster up showing a sign near the edge of a cliff.  In big print it says 'Caution, sign may have sharp edges do not touch edge of sign' in very small print it says 'also, bridge out ahead'.

RE: Stupid Instructions

This morning I saw this on my daughter's glue bottle:

Warning: Non toxic and contains no solvents.


And on the [side] topic of having a sense of humour... I recall a HP (instrument BASIC) manual with a glossary in it.  Best entry by far:

Recursive: See "Recursive"

RE: Stupid Instructions

ctopher,

    I saw a website a year or to ago on how to take your microwave apart to extract components, presumably for hobby purposes.  The author went on in excruciating detail on how the dangerous the capacitors are, and how, perhaps, you should not be doing this.  Try a google search on "microwave capacitor deadly".

    Converting your microwave into a robot is generally a non-food use.  :)

                          JHG

RE: Stupid Instructions

Wow!  That search also turns up articles about homemade microwave weapons.  Watch out for big brother, though!glasses

RE: Stupid Instructions

Hmmm, I was playing with .33 Farad capacitors (as i recall 2 in series) for my High School shop project.  Should I have had warning signs?

RE: Stupid Instructions

Scary how much info is on the web to make stuff. Just opening a projectio/tube TV is dangerous.

Chris
SolidWorks 06 5.1/PDMWorks 06
AutoCAD 06
ctopher's home (updated 10-27-06)

RE: Stupid Instructions

The dangerous thing is the human mind...

old field guy

RE: Stupid Instructions

Sorry, make that parallel.

RE: Stupid Instructions

Mr. Harleny from Minnesota is suing a famous drill company for $25 million physical damages caused to him by their tools. Mr. Harleny claims that he wanted to eliminate an
itch in his nose, so he placed a power drill up his nose and turned the drill on with the drill bit still attached. He successfully got rid of the "itch", but in the process he "drilled" off his nose.

Here is a statement by Mr. Harleny:
"No where on the package, or the actual tool was there a warning that specifically tells the consumer not to place the drill up their nose, or any orifice for that matter. These companies need to take responsibility for their products".

Lawyers and insurance companies in cahoots to crank up liability premiums and profits. What a scam.

RE: Stupid Instructions

That is fantastic FOETS, it does seem that the easiest way to become very wealthy is to be incredibly stupid.

How long before someone works out that rather than spending a small fortune on actually educating children the money would be better spent dumbing them down a bit? Hang on a minute I might be on to something here.

RE: Stupid Instructions

FOETS, It appears you have fallen victim to an urban legend. A quick google will reveal all.

M

--
Dr Michael F Platten

RE: Stupid Instructions

That's what I love about the This Is True site I mentioned earlier.  The site's author states exactly that - there is enough true stupidity to go around without making up stories.  In fact, I understand his motivation for making that site was that list of "Darwin's Awards" that was going around the internet, most, if not all of which were untrue.

RE: Stupid Instructions

Sorry yanks, but what I find funniest is that these things seem to blossom best in the states.  
Why isn't there a movement or something against the current legal system there?  

RE: Stupid Instructions

Many politicians are lawyers and most voters seem reluctant to throw out ALL of the incumbents.

RE: Stupid Instructions

What about the Cherie/Tony conflict of interest in the UK.  While the USA may have lead the charge on this one I fear the UK isn't that far behind sometimes.

RE: Stupid Instructions

It's simply an alternative tax system. The poor sue the rich. The lawyers have the great pleasure to play the tax department role.

RE: Stupid Instructions

Except the rich can afford better lawyers so usually win.

RE: Stupid Instructions

Toothpick Instructions:

Hold stick near centre of its length. Moisten pointed end in mouth. Insert in tooth space, blunt end next to gum. Use gentle in-out motion.

RE: Stupid Instructions

ChrisConley
You didn't tell me which direction I should enter my mouth with said toothpick. I now have a toothpick stuck up my a___.
Can I sue?

RE: Stupid Instructions

Sure you can, but all future communication should be directed to my new name: Wonko the Sane..

Sorry for the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy reference for all those who haven't read it.

RE: Stupid Instructions

3
(OP)
Installing Busciness Contacts to my Office installation (for Outlook) a message appeared that required gratuitous mouse clicking:
  • "You will need to Install SQL."
and was accompanied by the "install" button.
There was no option.
I was presented with no choices such as "skip this", to "cancel" or "help" or even select another option. It is an essential installation with only one option; to install.

So what was the purpose of presenting this to me? none at all.
Except, that these are just the sort of instructions MS includes to make sure that you do not insert CD, select "install" and then go out for a drink, or a meal, or on holdiay, while it gets on with it. No, we are required to sit for however many hours are necessary, in front of the screen ready to "click", Pavlovian style, in response to whatever hamster excercises the installation program has thought up. I'm surprised we don't get periodic messages that say "Pay attention Stupid" instead of the scrolling bars.

Oh yes, pet peeve: Older Windows had a blue progress bar that gave you at least some idea (whether true or false) of where your were in the installation. XP has a green flicker thing that simply indicates that the green flicker thing is working (but maybe the installoation has hung) and no idea how long you have to sit and wait to do the next hamster excercise.
Installing XP brought up 82 updates from the website! and they want me to upgrade to "Vista"?

(sorry, some of this should have been posted in the "Pet Peeves" thread.)

JMW
www.ViscoAnalyser.com

RE: Stupid Instructions

In a popular  restaurant in Bangalore

" Do not comb your hair in front of the mirror"
" Do not clear your throat in the wash basin"

RE: Stupid Instructions

Whilst not really a stupid instruction, more of an instruction for the stupid.
  This was posted on the door of a Burger king restaurant.
" push to open. You can have it your way and pull, but you will find this door is pretty tough."
I could not stop smiling for half a block.
B.E.

RE: Stupid Instructions

While travellin by trains in UK, I was amused to hear non stop chanting of "Please mind the gap between train and the platform" and the fact that the gap was never enough so that you can manage to slip into the gap.

Ciao.

RE: Stupid Instructions

Where the track is curved in a tight radius, the gap can get large enough to at least get a leg down in there.

I came back from London with a "Mind The Gap" T-shirt.

Hg

Eng-Tips policies:  FAQ731-376

RE: Stupid Instructions

My sister lost a shoe down the gap one time, do not take the warning in vane!

RE: Stupid Instructions

KENAT,

In vane? Is that some kind of windmill?

When I see the sign "This door is alarmed" I feel the urge to rush up and calm it down (resisted so far)

Stephena

RE: Stupid Instructions

HgTX

I had to get one, too.  

RE: Stupid Instructions

Kenat, if your sister lost a shoe in spite of the stupid instruction, that means the instruction is not stupid enough. Maybe they should boost the volume. smile

RE: Stupid Instructions

"Best before one month" written on a food packet is not actually stupid but leaves me a lot more stupid and confused.

Eating it after one month is bad, worse, worst or suicidal?

Ciao.

RE: Stupid Instructions

How many of these stupid warnings would exist were it not for lawyers?

I recall seeing an articles ~15 years ago when the Japanese economy was reallyh booming.  The article highlighted a few differences between Japanese culture and American culture.  One aspect was this:  In Japan there was one lawyer for every 50 engineers.  In the USA, there was one lawyer for every TWO engineers.  Given that people become engineers to "make things", while lawyers tend to stop people from making things (if you make it and someone gets hurt, you'll be sued).  I've no clue of the accuracy of the numbers mentioned here, but I don't doubt the premise.

RE: Stupid Instructions

Mind The Gap. There's one particular station on the London Underground - I think it's Bank, where the particularly tight curvature of the platform does provide a disconcertingly wide gap between the train and the platform edge if you decide to get off in the centre of the carriage, rather than at the ends, over the bogies.
It's not the place to be if you haven't had practice in dealing with travelling at peak hours with the financial market morons.

Bill

RE: Stupid Instructions

In vane - no windmils, I'm just marginally literate.

My sister was a child at the time, in fact I don't remember it (I was either a baby or it was before I came along).  Given that fact and thinking about it, it may have been before the warning was introduced.  

Perhaps it's the reason the warning was introduced.

That makes my family responsible for a stupid instruction.

I may have to excuse myself from this thread.

RE: Stupid Instructions

(OP)
On a bed side locker at the hospital:
"Please leave your valuables at home."
A "hindsight warning" I guess and probably designed to ensure you spend a sleepless night keeping guard of your locker.

JMW
www.ViscoAnalyser.com

RE: Stupid Instructions

Twenty-five years ago, when I dropped in on some friends, their young daughter asked if she could prepare some snacks to serve with the tea and coffee her mother offered.  Permission was granted, and young Zoe went out into the kitchen to work her magic with crackers and pressurized Cheez Whiz.  In a couple of minutes, Zoe came reeling back into the living room, laughing hysterically.  The source of this 5-year-old's hilarity was the instructions on the can of Cheez Whiz:  "For best results, remove cap."  Even at that age, Zoe understood the stupidity of some instructions.

Then of course, there is the current crop of TV ads for sleeping aids, which warn that side effects may include (among other things) "drowsiness."  Seems to me that drowsiness is not a side effect of a sleep aid!  What's the point?

Where I grew up, the jokes designed to make fun of a regional ethnic group included one that asked, "What's printed on the bottom of a Coke bottle in Such-&-Such Town?"  Answer: "Open other end."  Little did folks realize back then, when they came up with this inane joke, how much it projected a politically-correct reality to emerge in the late 20th Century!

RE: Stupid Instructions

"For best results, remove cap."  

And all these years I used to punch a hole in the can to get at the cheese.

RE: Stupid Instructions

I pulled a party cracker over the weekend. The note inside said "Note or Retain" (whatever that means) and went on to describe the dangers of pulling crackers.

RE: Stupid Instructions

I guess that means "Take note of the information, or retain the slip of paper for future reference". Maybe ink is expensive where crackers are made!

----------------------------------
  Sometimes I only open my mouth to swap feet...

RE: Stupid Instructions

"This motorcycle contains no edible parts."  

They must have been watching "That's Incredible" (or some such show) back in the early 80's where a fellow ate a bicycle.
He actually cut it up into small pieces which he swallowed over a period of several weeks.

RE: Stupid Instructions

"This motorcycle contains no edible parts."  

Perhaps it is an attempt to stop rodents nibbling on any of the plastic or rubber bits.

RE: Stupid Instructions

Makes you wonder about the definition of "edible."  Maybe it's more subjective than we think.  If it's small enough to be ingested, is it edible?  Just because it's not digestible, is it still edible?  If you can eat it, is it edible?

RE: Stupid Instructions

DwattWabbit: (re: 19 Dec post)
I think I worked in that same town in the 1960's. Among the regional ethnic stories told was one about the landscaper who put a large sign on the truck for the sod layers: "GREEN SIDE UP"

RE: Stupid Instructions

"Payment is due by the due date" on a credit card statement.

RE: Stupid Instructions

"Save energy: take the stairs!" located on the INSIDE of the car- at a nearby office complex.

RE: Stupid Instructions

err...  "elevator car", that is...

RE: Stupid Instructions

Maybe they want you to take the stairs next time.  Or get off at the next floor and walk the rest of the way?

RE: Stupid Instructions

What saves more energy when a body goes up, say 10 floor? Human body by burning carbs, or elevator running on electricity? Save energy, take the car.

Ciao.

RE: Stupid Instructions

Once I saw a chinese motor that had a sticker that said "If motor smokes and spits sparks, shut off in no time."

RE: Stupid Instructions


  "No Smoking, Oxygen Present"

  Could you smoke without oxygen present?  Would you be looking for a cigarrete if there were no oxygen in the room?  Just strikes me as odd phrasing.

RE: Stupid Instructions

A fantastic road sign at home in Ireland

'Danger. End of Improved Road'

This sign has been in place for the last 8 years and I still wait for the day that either the improved road deteriorates (forcing them to remove the sign) or the bad road is fixed (highly unlikely after 8 years)

Kevin Hammond

Mechanical Design Engineer
Derbyshire, UK
 

RE: Stupid Instructions

"Not to be used for the other use"

Read on a box of a robot-coupe (food processor) manufactured in Japan.

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RE: Stupid Instructions

I read a good one today on a packet of Chinese peach lollies

"Please ensure to enjoy and enjoy before you swallowed"

RE: Stupid Instructions

Another thing that I personally thing is brilliant (and all marketing people should be proud of) are serving suggestions. Take a look at a can of baked beans. There is a picture the baked beans on a plate and right beside this (in very small writing) the immortal words 'serving suggestion'. So after hours of brain-storming, that is what they come up with....put the beans on a plate. The dishwasher manufacturers must be very grateful that people have finally stopped eating off the floor.

PS Kelloggs also do this for all their products as well, but they do go one step further and add milk to the concept

Kevin Hammond

Mechanical Design Engineer
Derbyshire, UK
 

RE: Stupid Instructions

In the buiding I work in the management put up two signs today in front of the escalators:

"Escalator Up" & "Escalator Down"

I never would have guessed. It's amazing how the tenants managed up until today.

RE: Stupid Instructions

prohammy,

Yes, I'm often amused by a picture of something or other that has a bite taken out of it to show what's inside, and then has the "serving suggestion" text.

Here, I'm serving you a half eaten cookie, just like they suggested!

RE: Stupid Instructions

Regarding "UP Escalator", I have been in stores like JC Penny or Meir & Frank were the escalators are so hidden by sales displays that you can't tell if it is an up or down escalator until your right on top of it. So in those cases, i'd appreciate such a sign. But then, the sign  would probably be hidden by a poster of some dude or dudette in jeans.  

RE: Stupid Instructions

CheckerRon:

What I find stupid is that the sign is directly in front of the escalator. Where I work you can't miss them if you're able to see. Only a moron wouldn't know up from down.

The signs probably violate ADA: No Braille

RE: Stupid Instructions

From ctopher's link;

Quote:

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body."
You may think that's a redundant warning but I once met a girl who tried it, and had the burn to prove it.
A few years later I married her, she seems to have learnt her lesson.

RE: Stupid Instructions

Got a new lawn mower....

MOWER HEIGHT ADJUSTMENT
• The cutting range is approximately 1.5” to 4.5”. The height can be measured from the ground to the blade tip without the engine running.

Uh huh, without the engin running...got it.

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