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Self defense
2

Self defense

Self defense

(OP)

A tree never hits an automobile except in self defense


RE: Self defense

How do you attach pics and objects in the posts?
The normal cut, paste and insert options dont appear to be available

morning

FOETS
"social drinker with a golfing problem"

RE: Self defense

Read FAQ238-1161 for the details. You can also check out the Process TGML help by clicking the Process TGML link in "Step 2 Options" section of the posting window.

--------------------
How much do YOU owe?
http://www.brillig.com/debt_clock/
--------------------

RE: Self defense

What if the tree falls onto the car as a result of wind/earthquake etc?

Someone in my home town actually got killed by this happening when the UK caught the tail end of a Hurricane in 87 or 90 as I recal.

Is this self defense or is it considered to be the fault of the 'outside force' and so the tree is innocent?

Ken

RE: Self defense

When a tree falls, that's a preemptive strike.

"Art without engineering is dreaming; Engineering without art is calculating."
Steven K. Roberts, Technomad
Have you read FAQ731-376 to make the best use of Eng-Tips Forums?

RE: Self defense

no, that only applies for shrubs (the bush doctrine)

RE: Self defense

clever double-entendre on bush.

but if there's no-one there to hear it fall....?

=====================================
Eng-tips forums: The best place on the web for engineering discussions.

RE: Self defense

but if there's no-one there to hear it fall....
does it have a chance of getting re-elected after it crashes?

Only in America.

=====================================
Eng-tips forums: The best place on the web for engineering discussions.

RE: Self defense

(OP)

Self defense while working




atom

RE: Self defense

Sad to say that the risk of trees hitting automobiles is taken very seriously by some councils in the UK.
They believe that from a study of tree behaviour they can identify which trees have a latent intent to comit such acts.
 
Apparently they (consultant tree behaviourologists) can tell from the manner in which trees position themselves close to roads, and especially on bends in the road, which trees are most likely to commit the autocide and they have used this to justify pre-emptively terminating them before they have the chance to injure or kill a car.

I understand they may even be considering commissioning a genetic study of trees to see if there is a more scientific means to establish this than simply behaviour as some commentators suggest that some of the condemned trees have no such intent but are merely maukish observers. Unfortunately Kirlian Phototgraphy (see: the Secret Life of Plants: http://www.amazon.com/Secret-Life-Plants-Peter-Tompkins/dp/0060915870 ; http://www.crystalinks.com/kirlian.html)is unable to confirm these theories.

However it has to be conceded that most trees choose to live in woodland or forest and do not loiter by roads. These trees show no tendancies for autocide so on the face of it, the theory seems to be sound.

Others argue that trees have long conducted guerrila warfare against man ever since man first discovered fire and how to build houses instead of living in caves and that their acts are fully justified. Furthermore, they (The PFFT: the Popular Front for the Liberation of Trees) say that if man wants the help of trees to combat gloobal warming, we are not going about it in the right way and that prejudicial "legal" felling of trees simply on a whim is sending the wrong signals.

JMW
www.ViscoAnalyser.com

RE: Self defense

(OP)
JMW

I suppose that behind your posting is a tree party.

RE: Self defense

Yes but Trees are apolitical so when invited to a tree party bring your own bottle.

JMW
www.ViscoAnalyser.com

RE: Self defense

(OP)

Cheers JMW!




rofl

RE: Self defense

I agree with the consultant tree behaviourologists as far as they have gone, but they seem to have avoided the "t" word. Many of the trees that commit autocide do so at the expense of their own lives. Even if they survive the impact, they will likely be executed after the event. In my business, they have been known to suffer horrible death by electrocution in order to cause power outages and disrupt commerce. The majority are fine, but watch out for the fanatical few.

RE: Self defense

Trees can move just enough to get in the way.

RE: Self defense

which came first, the tree or the road ?

should the council's practice arbour-euthanaisa ?

maybe the driver should be charged with arbour-murder, possibly arbour-slaughter ...

RE: Self defense

This is not an isolated example.

Chessnut trees have been found encroaching into areas where children play and the council have documented cases where they maliciously drop "conquers" onto the heads of small vulnerable cuddly children.
If not hit by these nuts, the children seem compelled to hang them on strings and bash them against each other potentially resulting in some serious injuries to the children.

As the leader of the Strategic Air Command said (of the Soviet Union's nuclear weapons after Glasnost) "We defend against the potential for nuclar attack, not the level of the threat."
Meaning, we presume, that possession of Nuclear weapons even without the intent to use them, is sufficient to justify a continued defense strategy (i.e. him keeping his job and the planes with which to do it). (Glasnost: no clear translation but generally when Raisa G. went shopping and the Soviet Union became cuddly.)

This is an excellent philosophy for local government and it would seem that despite the many millenia during which such instances of trees "allegedly" attacking children have not lead to any recorded instances of said children being physically harmed (not seriously, anyway), the local governments are busy felling chessnut trees when they come too close to children playing.

(Personally, though I agree this is an apt anthropomorphism for the giant Panda, I'm not sure children can be described as "cuddly", I wasn't.)

PS please visit this website for authenticated documented cases of trees, and even telegraph poles, attacking cars:
http://www.swapmeetdave.com/Humor/Insurance/Insurance.htm

JMW
www.ViscoAnalyser.com

RE: Self defense

Are do Chessnut trees declare "checkmate" when they drop a conquer on the board?

Apparently Horse Chestnut trees drop "Conkers" on people too...   http://www.beyond.fr/flora/marron.html

RE: Self defense

This link shows evidence of the trees never ending battle to take over the world and consume humanity.

"Art without engineering is dreaming; Engineering without art is calculating."
Steven K. Roberts, Technomad
Have you read FAQ731-376 to make the best use of Eng-Tips Forums?

RE: Self defense

As I was taught only horse chestnut trees drop conkers.  Regular 'sweet chestnut' trees drop chesnuts.

RE: Self defense

Hold on... before proceeding further, you guys should tell me how to differentiate between a joke and reality. (hint: what are those small, yellow and stupid faces that appear from simple key strokes)

Otherwise, many viewers like me may consider this serious issue as fun.

RE: Self defense


  This thread is read by fools like me,
  But only God can make a tree!

RE: Self defense

I think you should take this discussion to France. Where trees lie in wait by the side of the road. Looking for unwary 2CV's
B.E.

RE: Self defense

(OP)
kenvlach

I follow you and invite all posters to keep going on with the poem.

This thread is read by fools like me,
  But only God can make a tree!

Trees are good for the birds free,
Like flowers are for the honey bee.

CORK TREE ALENTEJO PORTUGAL

RE: Self defense

This thread is read by fools like me,
  But only God can make a tree!

Trees are good for the birds free,
Like flowers are for the honey bee.

Tall and beautiful for all to see
and a place to hide when one must pee

RE: Self defense

I once had an oak branch break off in a wind storm and crush my car (SERIOUSLY crush it by the way). My insurace company refused to pay for the reapirs, calling it an "act of God". So would that denote that tress are engaged in a Jihad against automobiles? If so, we may be in for a Bush - Tree conflict!

JRaef.com
Eng-Tips: Help for your job, not for your homework  Read FAQ731-376 pirate

RE: Self defense

(OP)
This thread is read by fools like me,
  But only God can make a tree!

Trees are good for the birds free,
Like flowers are for the honey bee.

Tall and beautiful for all to see
and a place to hide when one must pee

ooh!With that one must not agree
Amoniac is prone to the vegetal life to be

rofl

RE: Self defense

(OP)
This thread is read by fools like me,
 But only God can make a tree!

Trees are good for the birds free,
Like flowers are for the honeybee.

Tall and beautiful for all to see
and a place to hide when one must pee

With that one must not agree,
Ammoniac is prone to the vegetal life to be

Rednecks are burning the bush prairie
Scouts are making the jamboree


RE: Self defense

In the UK's Daily Mail newspaper today:
"Beware plunging pears!"
Council zealots seal off "danger trees".


Worcester Council have decided that the hazard presented by pears falling from two trees in a park is such that they have errected safety barriers around the trees, wrapped their trunks in red and white tape and attached bright yellow warning signs (a photo of which was published).

Quote:
"The council's Parks and Cemetaries Manager, Ian Yates, defended the move. He said "There are some sizable pears and not evryone is going to be passing thinking that a pear might fall on them, especially children"."

How right he is; I never think that. I hope he didn't mean that children might also fall on them, presumably scrumping high up in the tree.

You just couldn't make it up.

JMW
www.ViscoAnalyser.com

RE: Self defense

What!?  Now we have to worry about horticultural balistics?

"Art without engineering is dreaming; Engineering without art is calculating."
Steven K. Roberts, Technomad
Have you read FAQ731-376 to make the best use of Eng-Tips Forums?

RE: Self defense

The guy is obviously a moron. No wonder British industry is dying where it stands when cretins like him are promoted to the level of manager. We should put him and his kind on a boat to Australia like we used to many years ago. With a bit of luck the Aussies would sink it!

----------------------------------
  Sometimes I only open my mouth to swap feet...

RE: Self defense

Good thing that that Worcester manager wasn't around Isaac Newton
-- we might all be floating around sans gravity!

RE: Self defense

ScottyUK,
 We shouldnt need to sink it, If the boat is built like older British cars it will have enough leaks built in to take care of that :)

Only a fool would pitch his tent under a River Red Gum in Australia, bad habit of dropping large limbs unnanounced!  Seen a car flattened by one.  (Suicide Jumper??)

Ken

RE: Self defense

kenre,

Amen to that: my father was duped into buying an Austin Montego many years ago. It slowly dissolved in front of the house. What a PoS.

----------------------------------
  Sometimes I only open my mouth to swap feet...

RE: Self defense

I have a 1977 MGB.  Constant electrical problems.

Lucas - Prince of Darkness

RE: Self defense

For early British car electrical problems thank Paul Lucas aka "The Prince of Darkness"

JMW
www.ViscoAnalyser.com

RE: Self defense

Most manufacturers paint their cars with some form of rust inhibitor. British Leyland and the spawn which emerged from it in later years painted their cars with rust accelerator...

RE: Self defense

Lucas electrics...  3 position headlight switch

1, Off, 2, Dull, 3,Flicker.

ScottyUK, dont forget the engines which had a build in rust inhibitor.      Now, do i put the oil in or on the engine??

Ken

RE: Self defense

You know, I've been to many a meeting like this;
0707 posts (26th September) the agenda item "A tree never hits an automobile except in self defense"

Here we are (7th Oct), 40 posts later discussing british car electrics having also had a poetry competition (ongoing, I suspect)and a rogue enquiry about how to post pictures.

Interesting how we segue from one subject to another in a sort of free associative manner.

I once attended a Plant Joint Consultative Meeting with upper Management to discuss redundancy terms and conditions and most of the meeting seemed to be about lawnmowers..... with no idea how we any of us ended up on that topic. And we wonder why Managers are so useless?

Still, this thread seems to be more on-topic than many... but of course, it could be that I too have some responsibility for going off topic in these cases? ... er, no, let's not go there.

JMW
www.ViscoAnalyser.com

RE: Self defense

I had an MGB
From nineteen seventy.

It was a lot of fun
When it would choose to run.

Fire engine red
Top down, wind in my head.

Electric problems? Moot.
There’s a tool kit in the boot

Split bumber, wire wheels
And a girlfriend in her heels…

(Ok that was a lie,
no girlfriend, alas, sigh)

…Split  bumper, wire wheels
Pop clutch, tire squeals…

(Ok another lie,
lights dim, engine dies)

…Split bumper, wire wheels
Reality reveals:

The damn thing wouldn’t start
But it certainly had heart.

RE: Self defense


If those hostile trees could only see,
That fate for cars will surely be:
Just piles of rust that will help fill
Their leaves with α-chlorophyll!

RE: Self defense

This thread is read by fools like me,
 but only God can make a tree!

Trees are good for the birds free,
like flowers are for the honeybee.

Tall and beautiful for all to see
and a place to hide when one must pee

with that! One must not agree,
Ammoniac is prone to the vegetal life be

Rednecks are burning the bush prairie
Scouts are making the jamboree

The world wood forest is under murderee
Warriors are sticking the tamboree

Self-defence is dangerous as strategy
Oil shouldn’t constitutes the escapee

Mushroom bombs are being uncontrolled by the mentee
Who is going to be the referee?

Referee's they come free
If only they could help the trees

You could engage in legalese
but that's like shooting into the breeze

Naresuan University
Phitsanulok
Thailand

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