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Quotes

Quotes

(OP)
"Before criticizing someone, first walk a mile in his shoes"

That way, when you criticize them, you are a mile away and you have their shoes!

Happy New Year
Rerig

RE: Quotes

I prefer:

Speak softly and own a big, mean Dauberman.

Here's to a great '06.

RE: Quotes

Here's one I had never seen before (until this weekend):

"The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."

DaveAtkins

RE: Quotes

"I used to think I was indecisive but now I'm not so sure."

RE: Quotes

"First things first, but not necessarily in that order."
Dr. Who

RE: Quotes

I am repeating this from another poster on this message board:

"There are 10 kinds of people in the world - those who understand binary, and those who don't."

RE: Quotes

"I wanted to procrastinate but never got around to it"

"The tallest blade of grass is the first to be cut"

"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away.
May God bless you.
You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."
--Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina

"We are ready for an unforeseen event that
may or may not occur."
--Al Gore, VP

"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football.
A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." -
--Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's
the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
--Al Gore, Vice President

"If A equals success, then the formula is: A = X + Y + Z, X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut."
-- by Albert Einstein

RE: Quotes

"Last year, we were at the edge of the precipice, but since then we have taken a big step forward."

"What do you call a big hairy ex-convict sitting up a tree with a machine gun ?" ....Sir.

RE: Quotes

"once upon a time... there was a lot of time."

RE: Quotes


7/3 of the world don't understand fractions

"If A equals success, then the formula is: A = X + Y + Z, X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut."
-- by Albert Einstein

RE: Quotes

there is no such a thing as a stupid question... but there are a lot of inquisitive idiots.
http://www.despair.com

saludos.
a.

RE: Quotes

"I reject your reality and substitute my own!"

You're not really an engineer if you don't recognize that one.  Although I'll cut our non-American members some slack.

Edward L. Klein
Pipe Stress Engineer
Houston, Texas

"All the world is a Spring"

All opinions expressed here are my own and not my company's.

RE: Quotes

Not really a quote, but I really liked this signature by SilentAiche of Tek-Tips fame.

"I love logging onto Tek-Tips.  It's always so exciting to see what the hell I said yesterday."

cheers
Helpful SW websites  FAQ559-520
How to get answers to your SW questions  FAQ559-1091

RE: Quotes

The IQ of a group is the lowest IQ of any member of the group divided by the number of people in the group.


Cannot remember where I saw that one but it seems to ring true in too many meetings I have to attend.

Alan M. Etzkorn  
Reliability Engineer
Wabash National Corp.
www.wabashnational.com

RE: Quotes

"I have learned to use the word "impossible" with the greatest caution."
-- Wernher von Braun

"Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work."
-- Thomas A. Edison

"I am often amazed at how much more capability and enthusiasm for science there is among elementary school youngsters than among college students."
-- Carl Sagan

"A computer does not substitute for judgment any more than a pencil substitutes for literacy. But writing without a pencil is no particular advantage."
-- Robert S. McNamara

And the one that probably fits best on this board:

"Scientists dream about doing great things. Engineers do them."
-- James A. Michener

winky smile



RE: Quotes

"That restaurant is so crowded no one goes there anymore." -  Yogi Berra

RE: Quotes

Half the people in the world are below average. - unknown

The fastest way to get an engineer to solve a problem is to declare that the problem is unsolvable. - unknown

If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings." - unknown

Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings. They did it by killing all those who opposed them. - unknown

Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment. - unknown

RE: Quotes

I remember the famous "Comma Rule" when learning correct sentence structure in elementary school.

Later in high school, we learned to use it again;

"When in doubt, leave it out"

"If A equals success, then the formula is: A = X + Y + Z, X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut."
-- by Albert Einstein

RE: Quotes

an EHS rep is somebody that was not man enough to be a plant engineer and not, ahem... "delicate" enough to be a nurse.
abelito (honest)

saludos.
a.

RE: Quotes

"Don't worry, your secret is safe with me, and my friends"

RE: Quotes

From a "Demotivators" poster

"The downside to being better than everyone else is that people tend to assume you're pretentious."

RE: Quotes

"It's not what you eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas ... it's what you eat between Christmas and Thanksgiving."

Chris
Systems Analyst
SolidWorks/PDMWorks 05
AutoCAD 05
ctopher's home site (updated 06-21-05)
FAQ559-1100
FAQ559-716

RE: Quotes

All extremists should be shot!

Barry1961, Titular Despot Emeritus

RE: Quotes

Experience is a cruel teacher.  First she gives you the test; then she teaches you the lesson.

DB

RE: Quotes

"If you give a person a fish, they'll fish for a day. But if you train a person to fish, they'll fish for a lifetime."
- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President

RE: Quotes

jraef,

Isn't that an old proverb?

I prefer:

"Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day, teach a man to fish and he'll sit in a boat and drink beer all day."

Rik

RE: Quotes

Look at it more closely. Why would someone fish for a day if you GAVE them a fish?

DQ was a rich source of stupid quotes, as is our current Whitehouse occupant. Here is one of my favorites.


"I have a record in office, as well. And all Americans have seen that record. September the 4th, 2001, I stood in the ruins of the Twin Towers. It's a day I will never forget." —George W. Bush, Marlton, New Jersey, Oct. 18, 2004

RE: Quotes

ah. Wasn't DQ also the "potatoe" guy?

I still like the drink beer all day quote.

RE: Quotes

"Want to know how to keep a Baptist friend from going fishing with you and drinking up all your beer? Invite two of them."

rmw

RE: Quotes

If I've told you once, I've told you a BILLION times....Don't exagerate!

"If A equals success, then the formula is: A = X + Y + Z, X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut."
-- by Albert Einstein

RE: Quotes

2
I like the fact that with old proverbs there is always one to back up your point, regardless of which side you approach from, such as:

Too many cooks spoil the broth - Many hands make light work;

Fools rush in where angels fear to tread - Strike while the irons hot;

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush - The grass is always greener on the other side

There are more, but I can't think of them just now.

RE: Quotes

Absence makes the heart grow fonder - Out of sight, out of mind

RE: Quotes

"A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush - The grass is always greener on the other side"

Those actually are consistent.

Hg
vying for the position of Official Eng-Tips Pedant

Eng-Tips policies:  FAQ731-376

RE: Quotes

HgTX

It's maybe a perception thing.  To me, " A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush" means its better the keep what you have instead of risking it on something more that you might not get.  I.E. what you have is better.

"grass is always greener etc" suggests to me what you don't have is better than what you do.

Maybe I'm interpreting them wrongly?

RE: Quotes

"Grass is always greener" means you always THINK what you don't have is better than what you do, but it may not be.  When you get to the opposite side of the fence, where you used to be is now the "other" side.

Hg

Eng-Tips policies:  FAQ731-376

RE: Quotes

The "greener grass" is usually used in an ironic sense, so that ultimately it agrees with the "birds."

RE: Quotes

(OP)
Yes, and when you get to the bush, the 2 birds might not be there so you wouldn't have anything.

I agree with Ussuri. (my opinion)

RE: Quotes

The grass is greener until you look down and see the dirt.

RE: Quotes

In the 70's I spent some time in San Diego, right near the Mexican border crossing. A favorite saying was "The grass is always cheaper on the other side".

Eng-Tips: Help for your job, not for your homework  Read FAQ731-376

RE: Quotes

Ah, but it's browner, not greener.

RE: Quotes

The grass is usually greener on the other side, because there is more manure on the other side.

Good Luck
--------------
As a circle of light increases so does the circumference of darkness around it. - Albert Einstein

RE: Quotes

Some of my favorites...

I am not young enough to know everything." --Oscar Wilde

The man who does not make any mistakes does not usually make anything." --William Connor Magee

Nothing is impossible for the one who does NOT have to do the Job. -Unk

All progress requires change. But not all change is progress." --John Wooden

Murphy was an optomist! - Unk

Happy are those who dream-dreams... and are willing to pay the price to see them come true. - Unk

Civis Aerius Sum ~ "A citizen of the Air" - Steve Link

The tribal wisdom of the Dakota Indians, passed on from generation to generation, says that, "When you discover that you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount. - Unk  

Do what you feel in your heart to be right--for you will be criticized anyway. You'll be dammed if you do and dammed if you don't.-- Eleanor Roosevelt.

    and... my "simple" all-time favorite...

It's kind of fun to do the impossible." --Walt Disney

Regards, Wil Taylor

RE: Quotes

The best way to test something is to squeeze it slowly, until it breaks!

RE: Quotes


Blessed is she/he who has nothing to say and who refrains from saying it.

RE: Quotes

jraef... they were probably meaning a different type of "grass".

BTW... i like this quote from the hell angels:
gas, grass or *ss... nobody rides for free.

THE MURPHY'S LAW APPROACH:
the grass is greener on the other side of the fence...

changing sides makes the first grass greener...

changing sides again may attract attention and some busybody may call 911 to report a trespasser and get you in trouble.

my favorite albert einstein quote:
"if my theory is accepted, germany will reivindicate me as a german citizen and france will proclaim i am a "citizen of the world"...but, if it is rejected: france will say: he is a german and germany will say: he is a jew..."

my favorite business quote:
never "assume", if you "ass-u-me":
you make an *SS of U and ME

the 2nd favorite business quote (or simile?) i came up with and added thru the years...
1984: working for a big company is like walking under an elephant... if you go too fast: front legs get u... if you go too slow: rear legs get you... but the shade is cool.

1989: every now and then... you have to bow your head... otherwise the b*lls will hit you...

1994: no matter what you do... you cannot avoid being peed on.

1998: if you go really slow... not only the rear legs get you... you may end up being cr*pped on as well.

2001: if you go fast enough as to avoid the front legs... you will surely frighten or irate the elephant and get stabbed in the back with the tusks...

2004: stepping aside is an alternative... but, you lose the shade under the blazing sun and you may find it be very difficult to fall in step to get under another elephant.


the home quote i came up during a dinner with friends:
at home: i wear the trousers!
but careful... she may iron them while i'm inside...

cheers.

saludos.
a.

RE: Quotes


All those excellent one-liners remind me of thread731-99002.

RE: Quotes

An English officer in India was returning home. His servant, who he had suffered with for years asked for a reference to help in his search for other employment.
After some thought, the Officer wrote the following.

"To whom it may concern;
This will serve to introduce Mr. xxx
He has served himself faithfully all the years he has been in my employ.
If you are planning on giving him a bearth, make it a wide one.
Yours."

RE: Quotes

Being a Harley rider AND an Engineer, my personal favorite is:

"When you do right, no one remembers.
When you do wrong, no one forgets."

and some others:

The 2 rules for getting thru the day:
"Rule 1 - Don't sweat the small stuff"
"Rule 2 - It's all small stuff"

"When the grass appears greener on the other side of the fence, find out how much they pay for lawn care"

"Unless you're the lead dog, the view never changes"

"If you can't race with the big boys, stay in the pits"
(or run with the big dogs, stay under the porch)

Finally, the most famous quotation for all the married guys:

"yes dear..."

"If A equals success, then the formula is: A = X + Y + Z, X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut."
-- by Albert Einstein

RE: Quotes

Somebody handed me this quote, I do not think it was a Technical writer.
"Most technical writers make their living describing the smile on the face of a black cat in a dark room in a house that will be built next week."
B.E.

RE: Quotes

"Nine women can't make a baby in one month"

"Sometimes, the squeaky wheel gets replaced"

"Lead, follow or get out of the way"

"Parachute for sale, never been opened, small stain"

*Without data, you're just another person with an opinion.*

Hydroformer

RE: Quotes

the most unfair principal as engineer is:
1. Boss is always RIGHT
2. If boss comes wrong, refer to item no. 1

So who's the boss?

RE: Quotes

this was from a tv show... i think johnny carson's show...

"DON'T YOU EVER FEEL LIKE THE WORLD IS A TUXEDO AND YOU ARE A PAIR OF BROWN SHOES?"

and...
in the immortal words of Abraham... (squinting hard)

"dear G'd, let me get this straight... the arabs get to keep all the oil and WE must cut the tips of our what?"

saludos.
a.

RE: Quotes

Quote:

"Sometimes, research is ahead of application."

Meaning?
A pointless excercise, in my view.

(This came from this article which appeared in the Maritime Advocate Online which always features a nice line in humour, including a new (to me) lawyer joke for those of you who enjoy such things.)

Hole-hearted research

ENGINEERS at Cardiff University claim to have produced the world's tiniest hole. It is 22 microns in diameter, if you can imagine that. (Your editor can't). It remains to be seen what these holes might be used for. Hair follicles have already been rejected as too stubby. But, undaunted, the Cardiff engineers are working up something smaller, which should be ready by next year, or next week.

The university's marketing director says, "Sometimes, research is ahead of application." Your editor is greatly encouraged by this sage observation. He has, on the drawing board at home, plans for the world's biggest microchip, measuring three hectares by a rood. It is a little beauty.

and the lawyer joke?:


THE devil visited a lawyer's office and made him an offer. "I can arrange some things for you," the devil said. "I'll increase your income five-fold. Your partners will love you. Your clients will respect you. You'll have four months' paid holiday every year and live to be a hundred. All I require in return is that the soul of your best friend will rot in hell for eternity." The lawyer thought for a moment before asking, "What's the catch?"

JMW
www.ViscoAnalyser.com

RE: Quotes

I'm not mathematician, but this one is sweet, sounds
like this:

"Black holes are places where God divided by zero"

sorry, I don't know the author.

dazed

RE: Quotes

Does anyone remember this one from The Lou Grant Show.

Lou,
"Can you do me a favor doctor?"
"Sure, What is it?"
"This afternoon, when Rossi comes in, when you get to this part of the examination, can you say
'Oh by the way, Lou Grant says hello'?"

It was probably cut in a lot of areas.

RE: Quotes

A pertinent quote given the situation we in the US are finding ourselves, by one of our founding fathers who is well known for his common sense:

  "Those who give up liberty for the sake of security deserve neither liberty nor security."

RE: Quotes

there are plenty of ways to skin the cat ...
the trouble is (if you care) to find a cat that doesn't object ...

RE: Quotes

An electric planer should work. I'll donate my wife's cat for the experiment.

----------------------------------
  I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy it...

RE: Quotes

Quote (unclebob):

"Black holes are places where God divided by zero"
The author was Steven Wright, a comedian who specializes in egghead observational humor. Leave out the word "places" if you search for it.

Another favorite of mine from him;

Quote (Steven Wright):

I cried because I had no shoes, 'till I met a man who had no feet. So I said, 'You got any shoes you're not using'?

Eng-Tips: Help for your job, not for your homework  Read FAQ731-376

RE: Quotes

Just came across this one, I like it...

[quote Isaac Asimov]"The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not 'Eureka!' (I found it!) but 'That's funny...'"[\quote]

Eng-Tips: Help for your job, not for your homework  Read FAQ731-376

RE: Quotes

Oops, forgot about not using quote marks inside of TGML quote tags.

RE: Quotes

Quote (Isaac Asimov):

"The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not 'Eureka!' (I found it!) but 'That's funny...'"

It wasn't the quote marks, it was the backslash with the end quote. (should have been front slash)

cheers
Helpful SW websites  FAQ559-520
How to get answers to your SW questions  FAQ559-1091

RE: Quotes

Oops, you're right, I see it now. I thought I had other troubles with combined punctuation inside of TGML tags in the past, but maybe I was making that mistake then as well!

Fat finger syndrome.

Eng-Tips: Help for your job, not for your homework  Read FAQ731-376

RE: Quotes

Well, your just gonna have to get rid of that Pirates hook. lol

cheers
Helpful SW websites  FAQ559-520
How to get answers to your SW questions  FAQ559-1091

RE: Quotes

Who'd wanna be normal - we're better than them!

Don't know who I'm quoting but I'm sure its true.

RE: Quotes

EWH,

That quote is paraphrased from the writings of Benjamin Franklin.

RE: Quotes

Right you are, rday!  As best as I can tell, here is the full quote:  "Those who would give up essential Liberty, to purchase a little temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety."

A couple more of Ben's quotes:

"What is serving God?
Tis doing Good to Man."

"If you would not be forgotten
As soon as you are dead and rotten,
Either write things worthy reading,
Or do things worth the writing."
 

RE: Quotes


"...by the time we've reached the 'w' of 'now' the 'n' is ancient history." Michael Frayn

RE: Quotes

For those who missed the show and are wondering about

Quote (Lou Grant):

"Can you do me a favor doctor?"
"Sure, What is it?"
"This afternoon, when Rossi comes in, when you get to this part of the examination, can you say
'Oh by the way, Lou Grant says hello'?"
The doctor was examining Lou's prostate at the time.

RE: Quotes

"If it doesn't work, try reading the instructions. If it still doesn't work, try following them!" ... Author Unknown

cheers
Helpful SW websites  FAQ559-520
How to get answers to your SW questions  FAQ559-1091

RE: Quotes

When all else fails, look in the garbage for the instructions.


Rick Kitson MBA P.Eng

Construction Project Management
From conception to completion
www.kitsonengineering.com

RE: Quotes

Don't know if it's true, but supposedly near the front of some manuals by Hewlett Packard:

"Now why not try doing it our way?

A.

RE: Quotes

In a similar vein, Honda's recent car ad's:

"Wouldn't it be nice if everything just worked?


My reply was "Wouldn't it be nice if Honda built power stations?". But then I might not have a job!

----------------------------------
  I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy it...

RE: Quotes

Quote:

Reassuringly expensive
This has to be my favourite quote at the moment.

I liked the Honda "Hate Something" ad but the rest just don't cut it for me and while I really did like the ad with the car parts spread out for a domino effect, the latest ads have lost the plot somewhat. They try too hard to be clever.

Top ad? the "Skating Priests" , well it is beer they're advertising, (http://www.stellaartois.co.uk/swf/mainMovie.html and follow the links) , I've even started drinking their beer to encourage them.... and hence the quote.

JMW
www.ViscoAnalyser.com

RE: Quotes

Hire a teenager while they still know everything.

People who say that money doesn't motivate their workers just haven't thrown enough money at them.

RE: Quotes


From these forums:

To err is human but to really foul things up you need a computer.

The isness of things is well worth studying; but it is their whyness that makes life worth living.

RE: Quotes

Here's one from Norm, of "Cheers" fame:

"It's a dog-eat-dog world out there, and I'm wearing Milk Bone underwear"

RE: Quotes

Don't let drink get in the way of work,
but dont let work get in the way of drink either.

RE: Quotes

Quote (Anonymous):

It doesn't matter who you vote for.
The government always gets in.

This instantly became one of my favorites.
From the AddALL book site: http://used.addall.com/New/quote.cgi

Quote (Michelangelo):

I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free.

Quote (Red Adair):

The only thing more expensive than hiring a professional, is hiring an amateur.
from http://www.stcsig.org/usability/resources/pith.html

Quote (GWB):

I've found an easier way to locate WMDs and al Qaeda's terrorist devices.

P.S. Paul Erlich deserves credit for "To err is human, to really foul things up you need a computer."

RE: Quotes

My favourite

'He is so dense, light bends around him.'

Can't remember where I saw this.

RE: Quotes

Too late to slip into the Grass is greener quotes, but my favorite is:

The grass is always greener over the septic field.

RE: Quotes

There is a book by a similar title.
     
The Grass Is Always Greener over the Septic Tank

Author: Erma Bombeck

RE: Quotes

Technicaly the grass is not greener over the septic tank, as it a storage device that does not (Unless it is leaking) release any "Fertilizer". The grass is actually greener over the leach field.

RE: Quotes

Greetings

I have a couple quotes that I came up with myself.  <------ thinks of himself as a budding philosopher.

Philosophical  question:

Every one knows it takes a big dog to weigh a ton!  How big of a dog does it take to have his way with the big dog that weighs a ton?

Quote:

"It takes a big dog to weigh a ton!  God have mercy on the days it doesn't!"   Norb Gruman

















Answer to the Question:

Depends on how easy the big dog is!

RE: Quotes

My fav

Homo sapiens non urinat in ventum!

RE: Quotes


If I may correct it, I'd say:"...contra ventum."

RE: Quotes

Is that like telling a sailor: Not to "go" to windward?

RE: Quotes

"The nail that sticks up gets hammered down."

RE: Quotes

Boffintech:
I know that one as:

"Vir prudens non contra ventum mingit"

Yours seems a little "homemade" clown

Benta.

RE: Quotes

On 11 Jan 06 15:15, jraef (Electrical) wrote:
"Look at it more closely. Why would someone fish for a day if you GAVE them a fish?

DQ was a rich source of stupid quotes, as is our current Whitehouse occupant. Here is one of my favorites.


"I have a record in office, as well. And all Americans have seen that record. September the 4th, 2001, I stood in the ruins of the Twin Towers. It's a day I will never forget." —George W. Bush, Marlton, New Jersey, Oct. 18, 2004  "
 
I prefer the quote, "Being a critic is the easiest occupation in the world.  It requires no skill nor experience and everyone thinks they're an expert."

RE: Quotes

My favorites:

"Some people are like a Slinky.....  They're really good for nothing, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs."

"The plan?  Quick Like Bunny!  Vicious Death Wielding Bunny!"

"That's so Irony that you could stick a magnet to it"

"Be polite, be professional, be curtious, but have a plan to kill everyone in the room"

"If you are going to a gun fight, bring a gun... and a friend with a gun"

Wayne

RE: Quotes


TACT
The ability to tell someone to go to hell such that they look forward to the trip

"If A equals success, then the formula is: A = X + Y + Z, X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut."
-- by Albert Einstein

RE: Quotes

"I love deadlines. I love the wooshing noise they make as they go past" Douglas Adams (RIP)

RE: Quotes

"Stupidity Kills - Just Not Enough"

RE: Quotes

May I be the first to quote Frank Zappa:

"Communism doesn't work because people like to own stuff."

"All we got here's American-made / It's a bit cheesy, but it's nicely displayed."

Also another of von Braun:  "Research is what I am doing when I don't know what I am doing."

and, Voltaire:  "It is not enough to conquer, one must know how to endure."

RE: Quotes

"A serious and good philosophical work could be written consisting entirely of jokes."

From the movie Casino Royale:
"I remember your chap Lenin very well. First-class organizer. Second-class mind."

From "O Brother Where Art Thou"
"Woman is the most terrible instrument of torture to ever bedevil the days of man!"

RE: Quotes

And one more:

"A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but as a group decide that nothing can be done."

RE: Quotes

Cabbage: A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head

A Bierce

Cheers

Greg Locock

Please see FAQ731-376 for tips on how to make the best use of Eng-Tips.

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