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Write Right

Write Right

Write Right

(OP)
Within the last year, my entire company (an environmental consultant) took a "Write Right" seminar.  The instructor basically insulted technical writing and spoke to us like kids taking a 5th grade english class.  He said we should be writing in the active voice (Mary took the ball) and not the passive voice (The ball was taken by Mary).  While he made some good points about passive voice being confusing at times, I just can't see an entire report being written in the active voice.  Also, he showed us an exampled of a poorly written passive voice report.  He did not show us an exampled of well written active voice report.

Has anyone else taken a similar course or seen an entire report writen in the active voice?

RE: Write Right

I have never seen this either.  I have taken many writing courses over the past few years and each course places emphasis on active verbs.  Heck, even MS Word tries to correct every standard that I have ever written.

Almost every code that I have ever read begins by defining the meaning of the word "shall".  This leads us to write "the widget shall be....."  

I would be very interested to see an example of this also.  Does anyone else see a major problem with passive voice used in codes?  It is hard enough to read them now as they always seem to be written in a version of English that I never learned.  But I do not see how using passive voice could cause that.

RE: Write Right

I work for a very old and established UK consulting firm.  All our reports are in passive voice.  As an aside, it was only in recent years that our proposals replaced "would" with "will".

RE: Write Right

I think the blanket use of the passive voice is a relatively recent development.

Have a look at one of my personal favourite bits of scientific writing - John Dalton's engaging 1794 paper on his discovery of colour-blindness - for a good example of how the active voice and unabashed reference to personal experience can bring a text to life.

(Googling 'daltonism' will find at least an extract very quickly - from memory, the article is also reproduced in Robert Weber's "A random walk in science").

A.

RE: Write Right

I am on the other side of this.  I have to translate the customer's specifications into manufacturing job notes.  I have discovered the active voice is easier for the shop to work with.  Therefore, I often convert passive phrases to active phrases.

"The passive voice is not always improper; write to the expectations of your given audience."  (That's an excerpt from my college English book.)  The passive voice puts emphasis on your subject, whereas an active phrase places emphasis on the verb.

ie...  The widget shall be supported by a 3/4" by 16" cylindrical base.  Vs. Use a 3/4" by 16" cylindrical base to support the widget.  

In the first sentence (passive), the reader immediately knows what part they are dealing with.  If they are working with widgets, they can continue reading.  If they are not dealing with widgets, they know to disregard the rest of that section.  
In the second sentence (active), the reader has to finish the sentence before they know if the sentence is applicable.

Thanks
SC

RE: Write Right

I am trying to imagine the big engineering firms rewriting their specifications in an active voice with reference to personal experience.  I would love to see a spec. that did not put me to sleep.

It would change, "Minimum fuse size shall be 1 amp for control circuits." to, "Don't use a fuse smaller than 1 amp on those control circuits.  I tried using a penny once; thank God, that one did not make the papers.  It wasn't too bad; my titanium hand is great for getting hot dishes out of the oven.  Still, I do not recommend it." ;)

Thanks
SC

RE: Write Right

A report in the active voice and a specification or recommendation in the active voice are two completely different things.

Specifications work well in active voice imperative mood (AVIM).  AASHTO has a sample highway construction specification book in active voice, and a number of state highway departments (including Texas) have followed suit.  (And the Texas spec book lost a couple hundred pages in the process...)  Instructions make a lot of sense in active voice ("Place the concrete in 4" lifts" rather than "The concrete shall be placed in 4" lifts").  It means a subtle philosophical shift from seeing the specification as a description of a state to be achieved by the contractor, to a set of instructions that the contractor must follow.

A big problem I had when advising people on AVIM rewrites is that people who don't really understand grammar were just trying to do it blindly across the board.  But as MESC1 said, the passive voice is not always improper even in an AVIM document.  

Reports are a different story.  The advantage of using passive voice is that there is no subject.  Using active voice (indicative mood) in a report would mean starting every sentence with "The researchers", "we", or "I".  That could be pretty damn annoying.  (And the passive lets us do handy things like say "Mistakes were made" when we mean "We screwed up".)  But I've seen some nice reports where a liberal sprinkling of active voice really enhanced the readability.

Hg

Eng-Tips guidelines:  FAQ731-376

RE: Write Right

==> It would change, "Minimum fuse size shall be 1 amp for control circuits."

Control circuits require a minimum fuse size of 1 amp.

Good Luck
--------------
As a circle of light increases so does the circumference of darkness around it. - Albert Einstein

RE: Write Right

CajunCenturion,

   I like the way QA documents use the word "shall".  It is an imperative.  QA is pointless without imperatives.

   Your two sentences do not mean exactly the same thing.  

                        JHG

RE: Write Right

Ok, how about
Control circuits shall require a minimum fuse size of 1 amp.

Good Luck
--------------
As a circle of light increases so does the circumference of darkness around it. - Albert Einstein

RE: Write Right

Report writing and specification writing are two different things, usually intended for two disparate 'audiences'.  And since your original post addressed reports, I'll give you my thoughts, and examples directly from my desk this morning.

Reports should be in active voice.  Passive voice is wishy-washy, and it usually comes across that way.  There may be the OCCASIONAL need to use passive voice, however you can usually rewrite something into active voice and have it end up more readable.  I find that passive voice is usually the result of indecision or incomplete analysis.

I spend a great deal of my time reading environmental reports written in the passive voice.  Simply put, they are irritating.  I have sent these reports back, edited and rewritten in active voice.  I do not tell the environmental consultant "the reports shall be written this way in the future.(passive)  I say, "This is how you shall write your reports for me in the future." (active).

Today's example from Irritating Envonmental Report (IER) with my changes,

IER:  "This report has been developed based on observations by Wishy-washy Environmental Guru, to the specifications of the A/E.  The findings may or may not be complete due to the lack of documentation provided by the developer.  It shall be further understood that additional defects could be uncovered during future investigations.  Due to the absence of drawings and/or other documentation, not every aspect of the structure was investigated"

Cass edit:  Wishy-washy Environmental Guru developed this report based on observations made on 10 through 14 July 2005.  The conclusions contained in this report are based on conditions extant at the time of our site investigation, augmented by information obtained from specific, limited building elements tested.  An exhaustive survey was not conducted."

Oh, and I also tell my Environmental Guru that I DO NOT WANT TO SEE 'and/or' all over the place either.  Sometimes I can be one tough cookie!

"If you are going to walk on thin ice, you might as well dance!"

RE: Write Right

Notice that in Cass's edit, there is still some passive voice, which is Just Fine.  Active where it fits, passive where it's appropriate.

CajunCenturion/drawoh:
Not sure what CC's edit is doing with that sentence.  Both the original and the new one are active voice indicative mood.

Hg

Eng-Tips guidelines:  FAQ731-376

RE: Write Right

==> Not sure what CC's edit is doing with that sentence.
Just wanted to give you something to pick at.  

Good Luck
--------------
As a circle of light increases so does the circumference of darkness around it. - Albert Einstein

RE: Write Right

is it any coincidence that wishy-washy and weasel-worded are abbreviated the same way?

RE: Write Right

CC--just trying to figure out what you & drawoh are debating.

Hg

Eng-Tips guidelines:  FAQ731-376

RE: Write Right

HgTx,

   I did not know we were debating that much.  My rewrite of that sentence would be...

   "The fuse size on control circuits shall be 1amp minimum."

   Passive tense, but much clearer, and still imperative.  While it does not assign responsibility for the fuse like active tense would, it does not limit the responsibility either.  It had better be at least one amp.  I hope the wires can take it.  :)

   There is such a thing as the divine passive.  Statements starting with things like "According to our records..." imply that the writer is part of a huge, all powerful organization that knows everything, and is infallible.  This can be a useful context for some communications.

   On the other hand, Divine Passive can be a way to distance yourself from the idiotic claims you are making.

   "According to our records, your cat, Fluffy, is a Communist."

                     JHG

RE: Write Right

drawoh--none of your examples are either passive or imperative.

Hg

Eng-Tips guidelines:  FAQ731-376

RE: Write Right

I agree with MESC1's first posting in the sense that passive voice does change the emphasis vs active voice, i.e. there is a real purpose other than making it look "impressive" (to some people).

It's too easy for a write-right consultant (usually an English teacher who couldn't handle kids) to recommend putting everything in active voice just because "the ball was taken by Mary" is ugly.

RE: Write Right

What on earth is wrong with "Mary took the ball"?

Hg

Eng-Tips guidelines:  FAQ731-376

RE: Write Right

That depends, what is most important, Mary or the ball?  Your audience and your purpose in writing should determine the most appropriate sentence structure.

Thanks
SC

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