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Movement to ban....bread?

Movement to ban....bread?

Movement to ban....bread?

(OP)
!!! BREAD IS DANGEROUS !!!
Research on bread indicates that:
1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.
2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.
3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations.
4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.
5. Bread is made from a substance called "dough." It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average American eats more bread than that in one month!
6. Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease, and osteoporosis.
7. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat begged for bread after as little as two days.
8. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cold cuts.
9. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.
10. Newborn babies can choke on bread.
11. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.
12. Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.
 
In light of these frightening statistics, it has been proposed that the following bread restrictions be made:
1. No sale of bread to minors.
2. A nationwide "Just Say No To Toast" campaign, complete celebrity TV spots and bumper stickers.
3. A 300 percent federal tax on all bread to pay for all the societal ills we might associate with bread.
4. No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (which may appeal to children) may be used to promote bread usage.
5. The establishment of "Bread-free" zones around schools.


The evidence is overwhelming. Big Bread has blood on one hand and a whole lotta dough in the other. It's time to regulate.

Bread is addictive .
Started early in life on crusts soaked in milk, then weaned onto the hard stuff (they call them "rusks" on the street) bread addicts become hooked for life, prey to the whims of the grain barons and their "bakers" (as the pushers are colloquially known).
This tragedy has been hushed-up for too long!

RE: Movement to ban....bread?

Awesome.  Did you write that yourself?  Can I circulate it, and if so how should I credit it?

Hg

Eng-Tips guidelines:  FAQ731-376

RE: Movement to ban....bread?

Well this topic should seperate the chaff frome the wheat ... and don't try to butter me up ... no matter which way you slice it, Bread should be made Toast!


Making the best use of this Forum.  FAQ559-716
How to get answers to your SW questions.  FAQ559-1091
Helpful SW websites every user should be aware of.  FAQ559-520

RE: Movement to ban....bread?

We talk about something really good as being "the best thing since sliced bread". What was the best thing before sliced bread came along?

Bruv

RE: Movement to ban....bread?

Sounds like an article from the Atkins Diet damming the carbohydrate and trying to convince a herd of overweight Americans that the low-carb diet is the only way to lose those unwanted pounds.  I say get off your lazy ars and exercise......

Best Regards,

Heckler
Sr. Mechanical Engineer
SW2005 SP 2.0 & Pro/E 2001
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P4 3.6 GHz, 1GB RAM
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      o
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Do you trust your intuition or go with the flow?

RE: Movement to ban....bread?



re: point #2:

It's funny how many people argue with you tell them that half of everybody is below average.

RE: Movement to ban....bread?

The best thing before sliced bread was the breadknife

RE: Movement to ban....bread?

The real problem with bread is this - millions upon millions of innocent wheat plants are ruthlessly killed in the prime of their life just to satify our tastes!

RE: Movement to ban....bread?

And, don't even get me started about the:
1) Crushing of Grapes and other berries.
2) Creaming of Peanuts.
3) Endless churning of fluid from the underside of a cow to create a slather substance resembling wax.

WHERE WILL IT ALL END!!!

Rerig

Just doing my part to balance the average for you smart people.

RE: Movement to ban....bread?

As a former arthritis sufferer caused by an allergic reaction to the gluten in wheat, ( true !) I wholeheartedly support JAE's contention about the dangers of bread.

All bread should have warning labels attached, and be available to properly trained and licensed users only. There is far to much of it about, the stuff is toxic and dangerous.

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