Do you need to?
Do you need to?
(OP)
Is it just me, or does anyone else get the urge to strangle anybody who says, "You need to..." when they mean "You must..."?
How on earth do they know what I need? Or even want? And quite often I don't need to (not from my perspective, at least). They usually seem to mean that they need me to do it for whatever reason.
How on earth do they know what I need? Or even want? And quite often I don't need to (not from my perspective, at least). They usually seem to mean that they need me to do it for whatever reason.
Bung
Life is non-linear...





RE: Do you need to?
It may be that you'd have to stifle forever your strangling need, if the dictionary I have is right. It defines need not only as the lack of, a requisite, or a desideratum, but also an obligation, a necessary duty.
RE: Do you need to?
If I was told that I "must" do something - I guess that I would protest mildly. I think that most of us are little boys (although born during WWII) that react in that way when Mom tells us what we "must" do...
RE: Do you need to?
I think what I expect to hear is "I need you to..." which has the same mandatory effect, but doesn't bug me as much.
Hg
RE: Do you need to?
I still don't buy the "you need to line". Just because you, as the issuer of the order, have a need it does not mean I do. If I must, I must. I can deal with that. At least then there is no argument about who wants what done (or needs what done!)
Maybe it's all down to my southern African upbringing? It's just the way they talk there - if it's an order, why pussy-foot around. Aussies pride themselves on being blunt, but I think they would not survive long in the old RRSA! Don't know if it's still like that.
Bung
Life is non-linear...
RE: Do you need to?
Hg
RE: Do you need to?
"you need to" sounds better than "You must".. However in the real world if we would stand in front of a mirror and rehearse these things.. I would suspect we could maybe agree that "I need you to get this out by...or I need you to get this done..." would be the better tack to take.
As young upstarts, we often take the tack or the procedure that was presented to us by our early supervisors, and thought it was the correct one. "It was really FEAR". Well why not it moved me off the mark.
My feelings on this has changed, I believe we should say it like it is. If I need you to do something, I should say it, without saying "you must" or "you should" or "you need'. Unless the circumstance is that the person whom you are talking to just cannot climb abord the program and be part of the team, then you have a REAL problem.
I have that problem now, I'm really trying, trying really hard. This person thinks he's great, and I don't think so..
Maybe I'll let him live. Just kidding.
Regards
pennpoint
RE: Do you need to?
Hg
RE: Do you need to?
"I need a beer" or "I want a beer"
surely - I need a beer implies a necessity whereas I want a beer implies a desire.
Anyhow I want a beer, not sure if I need it but having one anyway.
cheers
Naresuan University
Phitsanulok
Thailand
RE: Do you need to?
In a situation, that REALLY DID NEED IMMEDIATE ATTENTION, an Aussie would say "F****** do it now". This phrase conveys only the urgency -bluntly- and no offence is intended. However, if for some reason offence was intended then several other incisive expletives aimed directly at the recipient would follow. The recipient would be left in no doubt that at that particular point neither his/her talents nor contribution were valued highly.
RE: Do you need to?
A prior coworker used to complain that his son would never take out the trash until it escalated to the F word command. At that juncture, it would become apparant that it was a need of the parent and the son had better have a need to get it done.
RE: Do you need to?
Ozzies can be remarkably prickly at times if they feel they are being imposed upon. But they also like being imposed upon (where else in the world would a government get away with taking your licence away for 2 minor speeding offences over a holiday break?).
So it is "you need to" instead of "Please will you" - invoke the guilt response, make them feel obliged to do it rather than feeling forced to do it.
Bung
Life is non-linear...
RE: Do you need to?
Bung, you make a good point, and thinking more about it, Aussie to Aussie.
All other things being equal, it probably would back-fire if a non-Aussie issued -that- command to an Aussie without the exact context/accent/tone/inflexion/body language/timing required to induce a good natured positive outcome rather than provoke a fight or at least be told to: "If you want it done NOW, go and f****** do it yourself"
RE: Do you need to?
RE: Do you need to?
the guy was so irritating... personally i use what in latin is called: "pluralis majestatis" or the majesty's plural (i think)...
- we need to, or we must, or we should not, etc...
but always use WE, because it is not I who wants it... or YOU that has to do it... but "THE BUSINESS" that requires US (you and i) as a team, to get it done.
it is also very useful for stressing situations... like when somebody has to go...: unfortunately, we have a requirement to terminate this contract - instead of: sorry pal, i am firing your arse...
or when having to give orders to peers.
saludos.
a.
RE: Do you need to?
Hg